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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so irritated by this

69 replies

itsgoodtobehome · 20/11/2019 17:21

I will start by saying that this has absolutely no impact on me, and I accept that it's really none of my business.....but it really does annoy me!!

There is a family in DS' class at school (Y3) who are always consistently late. Like every day. Quite often I will be walking home (having seen DS actually go into school when the bell has rung) and see them driving down the street to school. They only live 5 minutes away, so not a long journey. The are not a 'chaotic' family (genuine term learned from working in the NHS) - 2 parents, no SEN etc. I really like the family actually. But it really winds me up......everyone else can manage to get their kids to school on time. It must be disruptive to the teachers for kids to be consistently coming in late, and I just think that it is disrespectful when it's every day. Surely you can just adjust your routine by 10 minutes to get there on time?

OP posts:
TheReluctantCountess · 20/11/2019 17:23

You don’t know what is going on at home. Maybe there is a reason for the lateness and the parents are struggling in the morning.

Pinkblueberry · 20/11/2019 17:31

YABU to be ‘so irritated’ yes - it’s not great for them, but I don’t see why you’re so bothered really. It really doesn’t cause that much disruption for anyone else at all and it’s not disrespectful - it’s just not great for the kids who are late to miss the start of day and it sounds like a stressful start to the day for them. But it doesn’t sound like you’re bothered on their behalf.

Berrylove · 20/11/2019 17:34

Some people are just late no matter what. I for one am that person and have only really started being just on time since I had dd, before then, no matter how early I started getting ready etc I would be late, it would even annoy me but I just couldn’t avoid it no matter how much I tried. I guess it’s never really been a thing that’s caused any consequences so I can’t get it out of my system 🤷🏻‍♀️

Original poster
itsgoodtobehome · 20/11/2019 17:38

I guess I am irritated because it feels like everyone else can stick to the 'rules' so why do some people think that they are the exception and can do what they want? Would you be saying the same thing if a work colleague was consistently late to work, while you were always on time?

OP posts:
GiveHerHellFromUs · 20/11/2019 17:38

Yeah YABU for letting it make you feel any kind of emotion really.

BuggerOffAndGoodDayToYou · 20/11/2019 17:42

It really doesn’t cause that much disruption for anyone else at all

It disturbs all the children who have already settled. It disturbs the classroom staff who have to get the latecomers settled. It disturbs the office staff who have to amend the register and record the lateness. It may disturb the kitchen staff if they had already been given that days meal numbers.

It’s true that we don’t know the exact situation of this family but it does cause disturbance and it certainly isn't teaching the children the importance of punctuality. If I was late for work on a regular basis I’d be reprimanded. My eldest DC is 21, youngest is 16 and neither have ever been late for school and I haven't been late for work since I returned to work about 7 years ago.

DNAwrangler · 20/11/2019 17:44

I'd assume there was a reason I was unaware of. I'm sure the school has brought it up with them.

weirdsmell · 20/11/2019 17:44

How do you know so much about them?

Original poster
itsgoodtobehome · 20/11/2019 17:47

How do you know so much about them?

What do you mean? I know them because we live in the same village, and have kids at the same school. I know their family. I know there are no issues. They are just always late. No need to over-analyse.

OP posts:
isabellerossignol · 20/11/2019 17:50

it’s not disrespectful

It really is. Its massively disrespectful to the teacher and to the other children in the class.

weirdsmell · 20/11/2019 17:53

How do you know so much about them?

What do you mean?

It's not a difficult question, is it?

I mean 'how do you know so much about them?'

Because to know for sure there are no SEN you are either involved professionally or you are a close friend.

Interestedwoman · 20/11/2019 18:10

People can easily have some issue they're keeping quiet about, that other people aren't living with so don't understand. People can have undiagnosed and unknown health problems etc.

My mum is very bright but IMO she has some very weak version of the ADHD/dyspraxia I have. She also had to deal with my dad having severe mental health problems that were never truly acknowledged or treated, and the strain that put on her as the sole breadwinner etc.

That's just one of hundreds of scenarios that might be happening.

If they're a good family you get on with- that would imply they're not just crap, there's some reason for it. If you're curious (rather than just dissing people whose ins and outs you don't know) maybe you could get closer to them and ask about it subtly.

Pinkblueberry · 20/11/2019 18:13

People can easily have some issue they're keeping quiet about, that other people aren't living with so don't understand. People can have undiagnosed and unknown health problems etc.

Not if you live in the same village interested! Didn’t you hear? Then you automatically know everything (glad I don’t live in a small village).

plantainchips · 20/11/2019 18:13

Why does it bother you so much?! It literally has no bearing on your life whatsoever

Ohyesiam · 20/11/2019 18:14

You don’t know what’s going on in their family.
Do you secretly hope someone is watching you getting it all right?

Flicketyflack · 20/11/2019 18:18

There was a family (or two) like this in my primary school- late for everything except test day Grin

Funny that Wink

Original poster
itsgoodtobehome · 20/11/2019 18:19

Ok everyone. But I am really interested to hear your views on how all these undiagnosed, unknown health problems, SEN, ADHD, Dyspraxia and everything else that has been mentioned can make a significant 10 minute difference to their day, every day? Surely if they are able to consistently get to school for 9.10, they can scale it back to be there for 9.00?

OP posts:
Rolypolybabies · 20/11/2019 18:20

I agree! The ones who won't wear school uniform annoy me too. Maybe I am just too conformist

Interestedwoman · 20/11/2019 18:21

'I guess I am irritated because it feels like everyone else can stick to the 'rules' so why do some people think that they are the exception and can do what they want? Would you be saying the same thing if a work colleague was consistently late to work, while you were always on time?'

I was crap at attendance at uni, and there was a girl who said to me 'if I didn't turn up, I'd be thrown out' or something. Well, turns out I have severe mental health problems and am neuro-atypical in various ways. This wasn't known at the time, but the uni had a feeling about it or something, (I would be given doctor's notes occasionally, but they were fairly vague- I was so 'crap' I missed any appointments with consultants- I couldn't make it across campus- it felt like it was miles) so my tutors made accommodations before that was as much of a thing.

It's of such severity I've been in hospital several times since, and have never really been able to work. So, as an outsider, you never know. The people concerned mightn't even 100% know what's happening themselves.

Original poster
itsgoodtobehome · 20/11/2019 18:21

do you secretly hope someone is watching you get it all right?

Really? Is that how some people think? I am actually quite shocked that you even posted that.

OP posts:
Interestedwoman · 20/11/2019 18:24

'Not if you live in the same village interested! Didn’t you hear? Then you automatically know everything (glad I don’t live in a small village).'

I grew up in a village lol. As you imply, people don't know, they just judge.

Surely if they are able to consistently get to school for 9.10, they can scale it back to be there for 9.00?

If they could do it, they would be doing it. What ulterior motive would they have to deliberately be late on purpose?

Hugsgalore · 20/11/2019 18:24

Hi op,

I actually agree with you. I've noticed this in my dds class. There are twins that are late probably 3 days a week. I often see them running in as I'm on the way out the gate after the final bell has gone.

It is rude and disruptive. It certainly doesn't set a good example to the children in question.

Venger · 20/11/2019 18:25

We used to be frequently late when DS was in year three (and year two, and year one, and reception...). No SEN at that point as he wasn't diagnosed until year five but he would refuse to get dressed, refuse to leave the house, refuse to get in the car, refuse to walk, etc. On days when his anxiety wasn't high he would dawdle like you wouldn't believe as everything else was infinitely more interesting than the job at hand.

Their lateness has no impact on you, I'd presume there's something going on that you're not privy to and even if there isn't it still isn't your business.

ritzbiscuits · 20/11/2019 18:25

We have quite a few kids regularly late at our school, I really don't believe all these parents are dealing with 'issues'. In the same way many don't read daily to their children. I think they just don't see the importance of such things.

I can't say it irritates me, but I feel sorry for the children.

IceCreamConewithaflake · 20/11/2019 18:30

It would annoy me too if it's every day. It is unfair on the teacher and the other children in the class.
If they can manage to get to school every day 10 mins late, they can move their getting up time forward by the same amount and the problem would be solved. If it's an occasional thing that's different, but every single day 10 mins (or whatever) late means they just need to move their routine forward.