To be so irritated by this

[itsgoodtobehome]

I will start by saying that this has absolutely no impact on me, and I accept that it's really none of my business.....but it really does annoy me!!

There is a family in DS' class at school (Y3) who are always consistently late. Like every day. Quite often I will be walking home (having seen DS actually go into school when the bell has rung) and see them driving down the street to school. They only live 5 minutes away, so not a long journey. The are not a 'chaotic' family (genuine term learned from working in the NHS) - 2 parents, no SEN etc. I really like the family actually. But it really winds me up......everyone else can manage to get their kids to school on time. It must be disruptive to the teachers for kids to be consistently coming in late, and I just think that it is disrespectful when it's every day. Surely you can just adjust your routine by 10 minutes to get there on time?

My DD has ADHD. I was told to let herself organise and dress herself, this was when she was 9/10. Partly because of her difficulties and anxiety we would constantly be around 5 to 10 minutes late.

Are you sure the child wasn't being bullied etc. When my middle DD was being bullied she was allowed to come in late and leave early.

There are a number of other reasons, which I won't list because, quite simply, you should find something more important to occupy your mind.

Its a bit judgemental.
Either speak up in a kindly way and see if there's something the matter, and needs some help/advice or doesn't realise the impact on the kids? maybe she's just completely disorganised and doesn't know where to start?
or just live and let live?

It is disrespectful, but some people, even if there are no issues just can't get organised, it's a skill they never learnt . I worked with a PA like this. She was so lovely otherwise her boss put up with it & I had to factor in her internal 15mins behind schedule when we met for our weekly coffee. It even upset her partner who had issues re abandonment due to a Dad who was always late/didn't show for visitation, but she couldn't change, even after we tried a few strategies like setting diary & phone time prompts, writing bulleted daily To Do lists with estimate times needed for each task etc.

Mother of diagnosed ASD child. We are late often. This is because DS won't get out of bed, won't get dressed, won't leave the house, won't get in the car, won't get out the car, and so on and so forth.

I could wake up at 5am or i could get up at 8am and DS will still cause us to be late depending on the morning's issues. You can't just say to them "oh DS, could you just start having a meltdown 10mins earlier today? Then we will make it to school on time".

As you work for the NHS kindly ask some colleagues (or even y'know... the internet) for the information you desire regarding the effects of special needs children on people's lives.

Oh and i don't tell people in my small town about DS's condition so we look disheveled and lazy also. If you're late for school a few times they absolutely get involved. If you would like that job, i suggest becoming an attendance officer? YABU

I know what u mean,my next door but one neighbour is often setting off as I'm returning

And do you know, when i get looks off parents judging me as i arrive when they're leaving then afterwards i sit in my car and cry. It shouldn't really be affecting you this way OP to be honest

Well you can't help feeling irritated can you? But really you don't know what's going on behind closed doors do you? Probably nothing, but you don't know.

Just try not to think about it and let the school deal with it.

YABVU

You say no SEN but how do you know what issues the parents and/or DCs have? Diagnosed or not.

I have adhd as does one of my DC - you have no idea how hard we all find it and how stressful mornings are. We usually make it on time, but only just.
We do not "think that [we] are the exception and can do what [we] want"

Sounds like you don't have much empathy for other people. Also why are you so bothered, don't you have your own life to worry about?

FirstTicket explained it better than I did, especially the part about it not mattering if you get up at 5am or 8am. Until DS wakes up and starts getting ready, having breakfast, etc there is no way to predict in advance what sort of mood he is going to wake up in and there is no guarantee that he will stay in that mood either. I have it with DS2 now too as he also has ASD and - fun times! - his stims often trigger DS1 and visa versa so as well as rocking up to school late I get to rock up to school late with two squabbling, kicking, shouting children.

My working start time is quite flexible. The last few weeks my DS who is 18 months has been doing the occasional last minute poo just before we’re about to leave - not much I can do about that, obviously he needs changing before we get in the car. So I suppose if I did have certain time I would be a few mins late then...

Persistent lateness is disruptive to school life

How on earth do you 'know it all?'
What a farce!

My DS 10 has enjoyed school for the last 6 years up until now.
He is refusing to go to school.

He has spent the last year being prodded, poked, tested for this, tested for that, spoken about in front of, hospital trips, and so much more.
He has lost all sense of himself after his diagnosis.

So, he is the child with me running him up to school at whatever time, wearing uniform or perhaps not, with him crying or trying to run off, watching his heart break every time I drag him through the gates!
You know nothing and if you do , and you're so bloody perfect perhaps you should ask the family if they need a hand? Instead of being so judgemental and furious for no reason, may I add!

If you know you have lateness issues due to SN, ADHD, AS or Anxiety just get up earlier... it's not hard. If you know your child is going to tantrum or struggle to get ready... get up earlier.
No it doesn't affect my life nor the other parents life in the school but nor does it help your child in the long run to be consistently late. Children need to learn that other people's time is just as valuable as theirs and that being consistently late as an adult is unacceptable.
I see so many threads here on late friends and nearly all the responses are "lose her as a friend, she thinks her time is more important than yours". Where do you think they learn this behaviour?

I have a friend whose son has a problem with his bowels which means he's often late. She doesn't discuss it with other school mums as it's none of their business so they probably judge her.

You genuinely don't know what's happening- people don't openly discuss every aspect of their life.

As others have mentioned there could be something you don't know about. I've a child with dyslexia and dyspraxia, we didn't tell the neighbour's. Part of this means ds would cling to door frames refusing to leave, this could take anywhere between 5 and 30 minutes to peel him off AND he could be up earlier ok getting ready just out the door and it would flare up.

I also have a dd who was bullied in the playground and the school allowed her to come in late.

Yes sometimes people are just lazy but sometimes there's bigger problems.

I was reported to the school of my dd who was allowed to come in late, the school of course contacted me, but it was all above board as there was bullying, however this parent decided to add in about my ds ( who was in a different school) clinging onto the front door frame screaming !! Then added that I'd left my disabled dd in the car with 3 other children ... yes cos we were ready to leave all happy and ds would have a meltdown!

Sometimes there are genuine reasons.

HugsGalore But it is actually that hard. It doesn't matter what time you get up.

I have DC's uniforms washed and laid by their beds, breakfast ready to go, school bags packed, homework done, coats and shoes by the door. I do this every single night before school.

I get up at 6am mostly and need to be at school for 8:30ish. It doesn't matter if i got up at 4am, that doesn't dictate DS's behaviour on whichever day. You cannot change the time and length of meltdowns.

And if you suggest waking a special needs child up like an hour (lets say) before they're ready to get up for the day then you seriously need to learn some more empathy, that would disrupt them for the entire day and would even have a knock on affect for the whole week in some cases.

There could be many reasons for lateness. I have known several friends and work colleagues over the years whose kids were late for school every day. No additional needs, just disorganised parents and slightly lazy kids.

There will be some who have good reason and many who don’t.

Either way, it’s not really anyone’s business except the parent and the school involved.

How do you know this family don't have an arrangement school to arrive at a later time for any number of reasons? I guess because they didn't run it by you first..

There’s a similar family near me - they consistently arrive 5 minutes after everyone else, so 2 years on I am now assuming they have an arrangement to do so for some reason, as a PP suggested.

you know you have lateness issues due to SN, ADHD, AS or Anxiety just get up earlier... it's not hard.

It’s Really. Fucking. Hard.

At the moment, we’re late for school every day. One day last week, we were nearly two hours late.

DD(5) has significant SEN and what time we get up makes not the slightest difference to how she reacts to getting ready for school or getting out of the car at the other end.

School understand the problem and are sympathetic - they’re just happy we’re able to get her there at all.

So, YABU, OP. You have no idea what’s going on in these people’s house.

But I am really interested to hear your views on how all these undiagnosed, unknown health problems, SEN, ADHD, Dyspraxia and everything else that has been mentioned can make a significant 10 minute difference to their day, every day?

I'm more interested to know how you know there are no problems in the first place. I see after me explain it what I meant when you asked you managed to ignore my post.

You would only know if you were closely involved. You are either a shit friend, a bad professional or a judgemental idiot who actually knows nothing.

As for the idea that SEN can't make a 10 minute difference, you have got to be joking?

I have a friend like this. It's just a running joke and she isn't really embarrassed by it. She just shrugs it off and is a bit "what am I like!" It's surprising when she is actually on time. It doesn't irritate me because I don't often rely on her being on time for anything but if I was the school or her employer I'd be pissed off.

Are they actually late though? The first bell goes at our school at 8.45 but kids aren’t technically late, and marked as such, until the second bell at 9.00.

If they’re consistently properly late, they’ll be referred to the truancy team (or whatever they’re called in your area)

I would be too, it disrupts everyone!