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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to confront my Son's teenage GF over her abusive behavior towards him?

81 replies

jacqroberts68 · 20/11/2019 16:54

My Son has been seeing it seemed a nice girl for nearly a year they are both 18 (my son a few mths older) she often stays over and he at her parents house. On several occasions I have heard her screaming at him and was upset that she not only did this to my son who is laid back and placid, but if she did this in my house in full ear shot of his family what does she do when alone with him? Don't get me wrong he can be really annoying when he doesn't listen or seems disinterested but to scream the way she does was shocking! I told my Son I was concerned and he said "oh she just like that she doesn't mean it" I told him it would escalate. Well it seems it has, after paying for a meal for them both they had an argument which resulted in her smacking him round the head while he was driving her home. She then prevented him from leaving for an hour when he got to her house. She also mocked him when he resorted to smacking himself in frustration (which he told me he does) when she has goes at him. She even said to him oh you would probably kill yourself over me. I told him to finish with her which he said he would coz he had taken more that enough from her. But now he going to see her tonight and really worried. Do I say something to her?

OP posts:
ItIsWhatItIsInnit · 21/11/2019 22:24

Quite honestly, I would do something. My husband had an ex who didn't let him go out and he lost all his friends and semblance of life for 4 years - he had no self esteem and was on the brink of suicide. She totally controlled him and threatened to kill herself if he left her so he felt like he couldn't. I would intervene because if you leave him to it, he could lose the best years of his life.

GoodDogBellaBoo · 21/11/2019 22:45

@Poppinjay that sounds absolutely horrific. Very good advice.

bluebell34567 · 21/11/2019 22:46

if it was a girl/woman who was slapped by bf it would be classified as domestic violence and the advice is to inform the police.
it is unacceptable behaviour and you should tell your son.
he should end the relationship, get support from domestic abuse organizations immediately.

Poppinjay · 21/11/2019 22:49

Well you’re all much better people than I am because I’d grab the vicious little bastard by the throat and throw her out of my house

If you were in a situation where you know that attacking her in any way was likely to lead to him being removed from your lives, you would find the strength to hold back. There's nothing like fear of losing your child help you fight your instincts.

Mintlegs · 21/11/2019 23:04

If she has hit him that is completely unacceptable. Did he tell you she did this? Some teenage relationships can be shouty and argumentative, not sure on what scale this was but I can appreciate this looks bad combined with the hitting. Also, him hitting himself is very worrying behaviour

Lovingmylife · 21/11/2019 23:19

Oh my gosh OP. What an awful situation. Don't do nothing but tread very carefully. Keep talking to him. He knows he wants to end the relationship. You may need to talk to him about how he expects she might react. This is a time for him to learn not to put up with it and you can help him through that. Yep, be careful not to isolate him away from you but also it's not tolerable to allow her to continue. Perhaps she needs her own help.

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