£40 on one child Vs £10 on four children

[Courtney555]

I'm interested on people's opinions on buying Christmas gifts for children.

If, we could skip the "I don't give to receive, spirit of Christmas" and the "well I make the most amazing gifts for 50p a go" stuff and just go with the direct example, and your reasons behind your answer, that would be fab...

So. If family A has one child, and family B has four children, does:

Family A buy £10 gifts for each of the four children in Family B, and Family B reciprocate the £40, but as there is only one DC, it gets a much nicer £40 present?

Family A buy £10 gifts for each of the children in Family B and Family B reciprocate with £10 for the child in Family A. So Family A receive £30 less of gifts.

I see it both ways. What if Family A chose only to have one DC as that's all they could afford, but have to spend £40 on Family B (on the basis that a gift much under £10 per child, is barely worth the bother). But then why should Child A have a far superior gift than the 4 Child B's, shouldn't they all be treated fairly in that respect?

If we could also avoid the silly "well if Family A are that put out, they just need to have 3 more DC! Ahhh ha ha ha ha" that'd be grand

All children should be treated the same

I agree.

DP has three sets of nieces/nephews. One family has 3 kids and the parents are millionaires. One has a singleton and they are comfortably off. The third has 2 children and is on benefits.

They all get the same. Once they're at secondary, they get cash gifts and gifting stops once they reach 18.

I give each child the same value. Some members of my family have a few children, some have a single child. Each gets the same. Not as a family.

Op I'm the opposite situation to you I have 1 DD and a single income. My sister has 3 DS and is married so 2 incomes.

Xmas and birthdays I give them £15 each, DD gets £10 for birthday and a Xmas gift of around £15.

It is what it is

Getting too transactional about the value of gifts is a great way to kill the Christmas Spirit.

Give what you can afford, and what you think the recepient will enjoy.

I tend to have a budget per person, but it is flexible. I would be more inclined to sneak over for an only child if the present was worth it. I wouldn't price match family groups though.

Why do you think you can only but tat for £10?

The gifts don’t have to be of equal value! You buy presents for the children according to your budget and what you think they would like.

Family A don’t ‘have to’ buy anything at all for Family B’s children. They can stop buying gifts. Or they can buy a game the four dc can play together. Or they can say ‘let’s have a day out with the children instead of buying presents’.

For family B to spend £40 on Family A’s child to even out the spending is bonkers.

Hmm, well brother has 4 kids and I have 1. I asked him last year after number 4 was born if we could start buying books for each other's kids so a £5-10 spend each. I can't afford to spend £20 on each child like I did when he had 2 (single mum) and he understands that. Technically he prob could afford to spend more on my DD but this way seems fairest

I have four dc.
Dsis has one.

I don’t count up what she’s spent on my children. If she gave them each a selection box I’d be more than happy. If she gave a joint ‘family’ present I’d be happy. I set my budget for her one dc according to what I can afford, not what has been spent on my kids.

We have different sized families in our family group and we spend per child. The kids notice when they get older if they are getting a significantly smaller or larger present than the others. I’d hate any of them to feel left out or less important.

Our situation:

Family A has two children
Family B has two children
Family C (poorest by far) has no children but gets shafted every Christmas!

Spend per child not per family.

I say scrap the presents and say to the other family instead shall we do a trip to the cinema or bowling or something.then each parent pay for their own children and the children get a nice trip out to make memories instead of buying junk for them each which they probably don’t need. Could be a nice xmas tradition that the kids look forward to every xmas!

I have a squad of children, my sister only one, I spend lots more on her child than she does for my individual children but she probably spends a bit more overall.

It's not set in stone. It's currently circa £25 per child. If one wants something for £28 and another, something for £20, that's fine. It's only a benchmark/guide.

It's really helped hearing nearly all of you say, treat the children as individuals, don't feel guilty that yours receive a combined value of 3x more, it's only fair as they are 3 individuals.

Maybe I'll suggest gifts of circa £15-20 for each of our DC, and try not to feel guilty about the total spend now coming our families way. £45 ish in total on our 3 doesn't seem too bad with a £20 ish on one DC going back. It's much more palatable than the £75 on my 3 and £25 reciprocated.

It's when you look at the whole scheme of things perhaps that you see why I was worrying about looking like a CF. Currently, 7 only children, from 7 separate (related) couples all receive 6 x £25 individual presents from the other families. Each child enjoys receiving £150 of gifts and each family spends £150. Maybe sometimes some children end up with £170 and others with £130, it's all in the same ball park, that's fine.

To continue with that when I've got 3DC, there's 7 families, with 9DC. So the other families now spend £125 between 5 children from 5 families, just like this year, but £75 on 3DC in 1 family. So those other 6 are now spending £200 on gifts, and receiving £150 back for their DC...that sounds ok I guess. But when you do it from our point of view, we're only spending the £150 on the 6 separate only children again, but our DC now receive a staggering £450 of gifts, which just seems tonnes!!!

I think I need to unclench and accept that the general consensus is 3 times the children will naturally result in 3 times the presents and try not feel guilty or cheeky about it, as it seems pretty acceptable to all.

My brother used to spend more on my two kids but when I had a 3rd, he kind of cut down on all the presents. I assume that's what most people would do.

Also I was first to have kids out of my friends and when I only had one child they bought him a. Present but now I have theee, they just don't buy any of them presents which is fine x

I would just get the child something I thought they would like. You don't have to spend the same. If both families deliberately spent £40 it just becomes an exchange of money. They would just be swapping one £40 for another. If the family with only one child want a smaller spend they could go for a family present. A board game, tin of chocolates, colouring pencils and drawing pads, voucher for the cinema etc.

I only have one child. Most of the families we buy for have 2. I have never expected anyone to spend more on dd than we spend on their individual children. Some do, however, do this at times - though not usually double, but often a little bit more. We've said they don't need to and if they ask for present suggestions i would only ever suggest something at the budget prize i spend on their individual children.

Using the £10 per child example, what if your bf had say, triplets next year. So then it would be £60 on her children, and £10 received back. Would that still be reasonable? I wonder if there's a cut off...

There's no cut off. The presents are for the child. You should only spend what you can afford so if there are more children you might need to spend less per gift but you shouldn't make it an 'even' spend per family. My sister has more kids than me but I'd never dream of spending less per child on hers. It seems quite a mercenary way to look at it to me.

Depends if u cld afford it. I wouldn't buy 4 £10 gifts as £10 is nothing. I would probably go for £25-£30 per child if there were 4. I would expect to get a decent gift for my child but if I knew the family couldn't afford it then fair enough that's would be up to me to decide how much to spend on them.

I spend about £50 per child in the family. My child gets a similar amount spent on them, I wouldn't expect them to get £100-£150 in presents back because others have 2/3 kids.

When my second child is born though I will be telling family members with 1 child to stop buying for me and dh. We will still buy for them and their child but they shouldn't be buying for us too, it's too much.

My dsis has one child, we have 2. We tend to spend similar on each child, on what they would like rather than set budget. I do try and spend a bit more on him as i do kn other nieces/nephews as he doesn't have as much extended family as we do but only if I find something he would actually like/want rather than buying for the sake of it.

I think up to £10 should be spent on each child.

I'd actually be mortified if anyone except me and DH - or possibly grandparents - spent £40 on my child, especially if I'd spent £10 on theirs.
It doesn't matter how many children each person has, it's always better to try and treat children equally.

Just let people buy what they want to buy for your kids and vice versa! If they want suggestions, send a range of ideas from £10 - £25 and let people get what they choose. Buy what you can afford and what you want to gift. Allow family and friends to do the same. I'd never think of adding up what I'd spent on a family with a few children versus what they'd spent on mine ...

As a grandparent my grandchildren are split 3 and 1, family wise, I always spend the same on each child for birthdays and Christmas, it's not their fault that they're 1 of 3. I'm lucky on two counts though, I can afford to do this and their feet wouldn't touch the ground if they started making forensic comparisons, that's from their parents, not me!

Ours are still young. I had Ds1 first and he got gifts from 5 friends, none of whom had children. Once F1 AND f2 had kids the friends without kids opted out of gifts so the Mom's just brought for ech others kids. F1 and F2 had second children quickly. If thry spent say £20 in my one, I spent about £15 than their two. I'm also having twisn this year, so I will have 3 DC and I'd expe t them to drop the price per child slightly too

I don't think it's feasible for the family with 4 children to spend £40 on 1 child in another family. Their Xmas will already be significantly more expensive, due to their 4 children.