£40 on one child Vs £10 on four children

[Courtney555]

I'm interested on people's opinions on buying Christmas gifts for children.

If, we could skip the "I don't give to receive, spirit of Christmas" and the "well I make the most amazing gifts for 50p a go" stuff and just go with the direct example, and your reasons behind your answer, that would be fab...

So. If family A has one child, and family B has four children, does:

Family A buy £10 gifts for each of the four children in Family B, and Family B reciprocate the £40, but as there is only one DC, it gets a much nicer £40 present?

Family A buy £10 gifts for each of the children in Family B and Family B reciprocate with £10 for the child in Family A. So Family A receive £30 less of gifts.

I see it both ways. What if Family A chose only to have one DC as that's all they could afford, but have to spend £40 on Family B (on the basis that a gift much under £10 per child, is barely worth the bother). But then why should Child A have a far superior gift than the 4 Child B's, shouldn't they all be treated fairly in that respect?

If we could also avoid the silly "well if Family A are that put out, they just need to have 3 more DC! Ahhh ha ha ha ha" that'd be grand

i have 2 DC. my sister has 1. we spend roughly £25 a child, however I will always give her DC a little something extra, say £10. So, while its not the same amount as she spends, its extra. And if she ever has another the drop in gift (to £25 each rather than nieces current £35) wont be noticeable to DN.

To the PPs saying 'does it matter?' I guess the thing is, people's situations change and it might become something that causes worry or pressure, or worse resentment.
To me, a family budget seems the most obvious- and fair way to do it. If money is no object, no problem but the PPs on here that ended up spending more on other family members than their own DC - that is when it's bonkers and doesn't work

I think the first option is fairest but we do the second option in my family and I feel very guilty as I am the one with more children but my pleas to do otherwise fall on deaf ears (although the deaf ears has significantly more money than me so perhaps feels that it is the same proportional amount of disposable income).

I don't see kids as a family entity when buying gifts. I have 10 kids to buy for over Christmas that arent mine. I keep the amount per kid similar but choose something I think they will really like regardless.

I am the parent of an only child btw. I'd be mortified if I thought that parents of multiple children felt obliged to spend the same on dd as I spend on their kids. The children are individuals.

Pretty much that really. I buy for my nephews (well money in a card this year, they have a lot of aunts and uncles on BILs side and rather than run the risk of duplicates and my poor SIL being over run with toys, this is just easier, they can put it towards something nice. I'm really not that bothered) and make gifts for the children of my closest friend. I wouldn't expect them to spend the exact same amount of money on my one child that I spend on their collective children. That way madness leads. They don't have to get anything! My house is fit to burst as it is.

One of my family members has 7 kids. We did book tokens £10 each last Xmas, and I think we got a nice tin of biscuits from them. I still have the tin! We didn’t give to receive in the slightest. Yes it was £70. But when there’s 7 kids I don’t think many people will stretch to buying every kid a gift do we decided that we should because we could. And they are all lively kids and we’re not always very present for them physically for a lot of reasons

*lovely

I've always done it as all children get a present of roughly the same value because that's how my family did it when I was little.

I'm one of eight and my cousin is an only child, as a child with no real concept of money I would have been really hurt if he had got much bigger/better presents than I had just coz there is only one of him.

You set a budget and all children get the same...

I.e. all have a present for £10 or £40 but they all get the same

I....don't quite get this.

Surely you buy for each child and not think of so much money being spent on a family?

I've always bought for children as individuals, if there are two or more children in a family I try to spend roughly the same amount on each but if only one, I would spend roughy the same as I spend on each of the others. I certainly wouldn't spend two or three times as much on one.

I have to say I find all this very weird and have never come across it except on Mumsnet.

Either treat each child as an individual, eg £20 per child or whatever you can afford, or don't buy at all, just give a tin or box of biscuits or sweets to the families (even then the only child will have more sweets or biscuits than the other children, so what?).

I only had one child and lots of people used to buy gifts for him at Christmas and on his birthday, I never asked but assumed they did the same for other children regardless of how many in a family.

Very strange. Isn't it fun choosing and buying gifts? It doesn't last forever, as they get older people usually give cash and eventually it tapers off altogether except for the closest.

Surely you buy for each child and not think of so much money being spent on a family?

if you are wealthy!

For many people, the amount they spend on someone else is money they don't spend on their own kids.

I would be mortified if my sisters had to spend more for my kids - and less on their own - because I chose to have more kids!

And grand-parents should be fair on their own children, and divide equally per family - if it means spending less on the adults on that side to give the kids a bigger present equal-ish to their cousins, thats completely fair.

But giving each grand-child say £50 when one family has a single child and another has 6 kids is ridiculous. it would mean one family get £50 and the other £300! Spending I don't know, £80 per family and using the same pot to buy different things is fair.

Isn't it fun choosing and buying gifts?
not really

When my children were young my daughter had a friend, an only child, who was close to all 5 of my children. Her mum and I were good friends. Her mum would buy a present for each of my children and I would buy 5 presents for hers as she had a very small family and loved to feel a part of our big one.

To the PPs saying 'does it matter?' I guess the thing is, people's situations change and it might become something that causes worry or pressure, or worse resentment.

I think what’s odd in this scenario is that OP is concerning themselves with other people’s budgets.

Fine to say - gosh, our family is getting bigger and I don’t want you to be spending a fortune.

Odd to say - as our family is getting bigger and you’ll probably spend more on our kids than we will on yours, maybe we should set up a complicated spreadsheet for budget allocation and make sure every child gets brilliant gifts of their choosing to the value of X.

It’s just such a transaction. It seems to miss the whole point!

giving each grand-child say £50 when one family has a single child and another has 6 kids is ridiculous. it would mean one family get £50 and the other £300!

But if the money is for the individual grandchildren then it is entirely fair they get £50 per person.

If was a gift to the family that’s different.

I get gifts from my children to whoever else is in the family. For example, my aunt will give a gift to me and to both my boys; so that's 3 gifts. I then give her a gift from me and from each of the boys; so that's 3 gifts. I sometimes club them together if we get her something super good, and then it's from both the kids but I wouldn't expect someone to buy for me and my kids and then only give them one gift in return.

we spend the same on DN's as their families spend on our DC, as we have more DC then each family the DN's get more get more expensive gifts. Our DC have never commented they enjoy choosing the DN's gifts, if they did comment I would be a bit to be honest.

We have 1 child. But I have 10 nieces and nephews. We made the decision collectively, that we would each just spend £15 on each child/children and say it was the aunts and uncles collectively.

I argued that this wasn't fair on them, as some would be spending £30 total, and some £45, and we would only be shelling out £15 total. But they have all said that they were quite happy to do it that way.

This a) helps limit the gifts the children get as they have other aunts/uncles/grandparents etc and b) removes the need to post anything or send money back and forth. And, in reality, they could choose to spend less on their kids if they wished and I would never know. And I am fine with that! The kids still feel they have received something from their aunts and uncles, and no one goes crazy on the spending.

But, I think the key here is that we all discussed it and mutually agreed.

On the other hand DGrandparents allocate the same amount for each DC/partner/grandchild and I also think that is fair.

We have always done £10 per child.

My two children often club together money from my sister/sisters to make a more costly purchase and sometimes my Dad will also add to the collective pot. But ultimately it is still £10 each for the child.

We make more of a deal about birthdays than Christmas anyway.

I have 3 sisters and we have either 2 or 3 children per family. We do a secret santa so each child receives a gift and you buy the amount of gifts as you have children. It seems fair.

If it was just 2 families and one had 3 and one had an only, I would go with the family gift idea. Zoo tickets, board games, cinema voucher, food hamper. Lots of ideas. B

I don't really talk about budgets in my family, just give what we can afford. Recently I've been doing a family present for my sister and her dc at Christmas (either a game or a film with chocolate/sweets) because I think it's nice to do something like that together.

I was the youngest of three. Our neighbours a few doors down had two children we were friends with and our Mums were very good friends. I don't know how it started but selection boxes were given at Christmas and Easter eggs at Easter (we didn't do Birthday presents except one of them and my sister who were the same age and in the same class at school and attended each others Birthday parties)

My Mum would give them one each, we would get two between the three of us in return. So it was all perfectly equal in terms of gift giving both families expended the same amount except I always felt bad. The chocolate was shared equally between the 3 of us so I didn't get less than my siblings but I still remember feeling bad to this day that I was the reason my siblings were getting less.

Just as its someones choice to have a load of children, its a persons choice to get into a gift giving arrangement with someone with an unequal amount of children to their own.

IMO it should be about the individual children and not a total family spend.

Each family just spends what they can afford. My brother has one child and I spend about £20 on him. If he was to have twins tomorrow I would probably have to cut back a bit and spend less on each child.
I wouldn't be analysing the price of the gift he then gave my son.
When I was a child my Auntie gave me and my brother a selection box every year, she was skint and even that would have been a struggle financially. My mum bought her children (my cousins) gifts of probably up to £80 per child (we were comfortably off and she loves buying gifts for people) it never once occurred to me whether or not it was fair.

Perhaps set a budget for the price of a gift and then ensure the children all received same value gifts. I know this means the buyer of gifts for 4 children pays out more than for one child but I wouldn't mind that if I was the person with only one child.