Are me and my family being stalked/ used?? Freaked it by people who know us moving for the second time- are we being followed??

[Newmermaid4]

We have a couple who are friends via my university mates over ten years ago who are moving out of London. We have always been friendly with this couple and they have always said they like to move out of London. When we lived in a small village they phoned me up to enquire about it then moved there for a year or so as a trial. They moved back to London which was a relief as they are the type of people who borrow things and wouldn’t give them back, and are known to be “spongers” by some of the wider circle of friends. We moved to another small village and they came to visit before returning to London to do up their house. It is a very small village ( Hamlet in fact). I now have had a text to say they exchanged on a property 500 ft away. I am freaking out as they previously liked our carpet and bought the same for their house in London, have moved twice to small villages we live in and to be honest I didn’t really like the wife as she’s not my type and shallow plus is quite rude. When they visited us she left a used nappy from changing her toddler in our chiminea which I later found, walked up my stairs with her muddy shoes on even though she’s the sort of person who’d insist on people taking their shoes off in their house etc...When they were invited to lunch at our house they cancelled at short notice to go out with “new local” friends and she defriended me on Facebook so I wouldn’t see pics of that but I saw what she’d done.. I am worried they are expecting me to welcome them and I just wish they would go away as I don’t want to be used again. Should I say something??

[blighter]

I feel for you op but id grow a pair and cut all ties with them. If she doesn't take the hint tell her you don't like her 😊. I've done this. It's quite easy compared to having someone you don't like in your life. Best of luck

[powershowerforanhour]

My sister is great with ideas for getting rid of people like this. I'll ask her what she recommends for you. (It will probably involve a rosary beads, and some sort of costume, but her methods work)

I'm imagining something out of M Night Shyamalan's "The Village" now. With Alan Bennett's voice.

[FizzyGreenWater]

Cut ties.

And if they're users, simply don't let them!

'Oh sorry no you absolutely can't stay when you are having the carpets fitted in the new house, we have guests ALL those weeks.'

'No sorry the vaccuum is broken'

'No sorry we are busy'

At the first grumble or dig that you don't have time for them anymore and are being funny with them, you can go for the jugular. 'Well I'm VERY sorry you feel like that Glenda, I have to say we weren't funny with you when you dropped our lunch offer last year to go on the more exciting boat day, hmmm, remember that? We ALL have lives of our OWN, don't we?!'

They'll eventually back off if you just stop feeling you need to stay onside. Don't be rude, but be distant and don't be particularly friendly.

[katkit]

@BillHadersNewWife

[GreenyEye]

just ignore.

there are plenty of people in my social group that I consider acquaintances that I would never dream of inviting around to my house or arranging any kind of play date for kind, or even any social meet outside the house.. they're 'friends of friends' not MY friends.

We see each other when the group is all out together, but outside of that, they are not in my sphere of existence and I couldn't give a monkeys where they are or what they're doing.

This is how you need to treat this couple.

[messolini9]

TBH I hope they find their own thing again- I just don’t want to be messed around...

All this talk about being "too nice" to deal with "spongers" who you have hung out with for 10 years but don't even like is ridiculous.
When they move in, if they seek you out again, why not just refuse to make any firm social commitments? "Not much point is there Sandra, you'll only bail at the last minute, & I can't be arsed with it."

Job done.

[messolini9]

don't say anything, don't fall out with them or could become very awkward

How is saying anything going to be more awkward than putting up with 'friends' who you don't like? Bumptious chancers don't tend to take hints or social clues.

[Aridane]

I had a friend like this. She had lots of money, I didn't. When I bought my first home, I'd spend ages scouring the shops to find exactly the right bathroom cabinet (or whatever). She'd visit me and then buy exactly the same thing as me the next day

Sounds very sensible - I would do the same

[ffswhatnext]

Erm just don't talk to them.
Always be busy.
Laugh
Tell them to jog on

Not sure why you are tolerating these people. Who really cares if they are liked by others. And even less so when the others are such walkovers. Rent-free for 6 months 🤣

10 years. 🤣 and you don't like them.

[ffswhatnext]

Copiers are easy to deal with.

Yea I'm going to redecorate the front room X colour.
Try on clothes in-stores and take loads of pictures. Daft copier will go out and buy it.
Occasionally buy something that you know they will buy, if they haven't worked out what it is your doing by now.
Comes in really handy when your not sure if a certain colour scheme works 🤣

[Twisique]

I would reply - 'o how odd, we have just applied to emigrate to Canada!'

[EmilyBishopmyconfession]

I'd be quite forthright about the dirty nappy in the chiminea tbh- a good reason on it's own to keep contact minimal. Did they think you wouldn't mind? Or were they banking on you not saying anything out of awkwardness?

[Anon2126]

BlueGingerale: They don't have to discuss anything with anyone, it's a free country & they can move where they want to!! If your that uncomfortable being around them just gradually distance yourself from them but friendly & polite if you bump into them. No more invites to your house & if they invite you, just politely decline. Hopefully that'll do the trick. Good luck!

[Patroclus]

Dont blame you to be honest. I used to go out with somebody like that. Would just take what they can from people and think the fact they let them meant it was fine. Left shit in other peoples houses etc. couldnt form relationships of their own. Steer well clear.

[Patroclus]

Whats a chiminea?

[Patroclus]

ooooooooh Mothers accusing me of leavin a nappy in the chiminea. 'Nappy in the chiminea?' I said. 'Chance would be a fine thing'. Anyway, Id run mother into Otley that day so couldnt have done. Shes imagining things again. The other day she locked the postman in and demanded he strip, on account of her Jewelry going missing. A man ranting in his birthtday suit and a panicked phonecall later, I've reminded her- dady took the jewelry when he ran off with the avon lady from Wakefield.

[Areyoufree]

When they visited us she left a used nappy from changing her toddler in our chiminea

This honestly reads like a line from an Alan Bennett play.

No more Mumsnet for me today. There is no way that it can get better than this.

[FraglesRock]

Don't reply to the text
Get a ring doorbell so you can see who's there
Whatever they want to borrow, sorry it's broken
Any lunches, I'll check and see if we're free. And forget, same for play dates.

Don't engage, are you bothered about being rude, they don't seem to be.

[AdaFromYorkshire]

Always put your coat on before answering the door. If it's someone you want to see you can say you've just got in. If you don't want to see them say you're just going out. Actually, that strategy can be used at all times - except it might be less convincing in a heatwave.

[BanKittenHeels]

They stayed with friends for 6 months when the host expected them to stay for a week or two? What?

All of your friends need to trot over to the “which way should mugs be stored” thread, because you’re all mugs.

[Patroclus]

I always pretend im on the phone when I answer the door.

[monkeymonkey2010]

It IS rather freaky that this is the second time they've moved specifically to where you live.

You need to learn boundaries though.
You know them well enough now to NEVER lend them anything, have them over for dinner, socialise or be chummy-chummy with them.
You don't want to be friends with them and that's fine - just keep it polite and civil and be prepared to keep saying "that doesn't work for us" to any invites from them.
If they complain to mutual friends then just reaffirm what your friends already know - that this couple are cheeky cunts and you've had enough of their pisstaking.

[SynchroSwimmer]

Just be busy, super busy....doing other things 😉....so you are just not “available”

[TheMaddHugger]

@Patroclus Wed 20-Nov-19 14:17:42
Whats a chiminea?