Are me and my family being stalked/ used?? Freaked it by people who know us moving for the second time- are we being followed??

[Newmermaid4]

We have a couple who are friends via my university mates over ten years ago who are moving out of London. We have always been friendly with this couple and they have always said they like to move out of London. When we lived in a small village they phoned me up to enquire about it then moved there for a year or so as a trial. They moved back to London which was a relief as they are the type of people who borrow things and wouldn’t give them back, and are known to be “spongers” by some of the wider circle of friends. We moved to another small village and they came to visit before returning to London to do up their house. It is a very small village ( Hamlet in fact). I now have had a text to say they exchanged on a property 500 ft away. I am freaking out as they previously liked our carpet and bought the same for their house in London, have moved twice to small villages we live in and to be honest I didn’t really like the wife as she’s not my type and shallow plus is quite rude. When they visited us she left a used nappy from changing her toddler in our chiminea which I later found, walked up my stairs with her muddy shoes on even though she’s the sort of person who’d insist on people taking their shoes off in their house etc...When they were invited to lunch at our house they cancelled at short notice to go out with “new local” friends and she defriended me on Facebook so I wouldn’t see pics of that but I saw what she’d done.. I am worried they are expecting me to welcome them and I just wish they would go away as I don’t want to be used again. Should I say something??

I really like what pinkdelight said just. Text "stop stalking us!, seriously there are other places to live" then add an emoji.

I have friends who live in such a hamlet. It would be terrible if we moved into the same hamlet. They often have weekend guests etc. and I'd feel like I was stalking them watching people come and go. I don't think many of this thread understand how small these hamlets are. 10-20 houses in the middle of nowhere normally.

I would text back: "How strange.We don't know how long we'll be there ourselves".

Clearly they admire you and want your life but boy it would drive me mad.

I wonder if they are planning for you to be really helpful with lifts to school etc too.

@OverByYer - carpet only an example... not on it’s odd I agree!! Just figured it perhaps highlights I have concerns they can’t think for themselves and will be asking for help and advice all the time which I honestly don’t have time for...

@W0rriedMum
That’s the problem- maybe they think we’d LIKE this but it’s a difficult one to explain if you don’t....

Today 07:24RickOShay

I don’t think the op is ‘unhinged’ @Taraswell. Why would you think that?

Apologies I think I read it in the middle of the night and it was the nappy in the chiminea thing. Sorry OP I think I was a wee bit delirious & unhinged myself !

Whole thing sounds a nightmare. Block them from everything. And I liked pp suggestion of texting them "Are you stalking us again " with a laugh emoji

I think it’s cheeky as they are essentially using you to do their research. They clearly rate your taste as that way they just copy you rather than putting in the legwork to drive round finding villages they’d like to live in.

What an odd situation. Will the kids all end up at the same school?

Yup I would think it was weird and really irritating. And in such a small hamlet. And given that they went back to town after the last trial!

I would back pp’s suggestions of sending a text “crikey! First (x village name) now here! Are you stalking us?”

Then grey rock.

I'd feel stalked too! It IS weird.

Just don't answer the text. Or if you do, send the suggested one about feeling stalked, lol.

I'd also be blocking on social media, and don't invite round at all. There's no need to have a couple you don't like over.
Stop being so British and polite.

Its really hard to know where to move to if there's not a specific place you need to be and so I don't think it's that odd moving to a village where you've previously visited friends. Doing it twice is a bit odd but they could just aspire to similar types of places to live.

Nappy in the chiminea is yuck!

Just be very busy and don't immediately or ever get around to responding to messages. They'll latch on to easier targets in no time.

This would really irk me too. It would also unsettle me a little. I’d end up screaming “why the fuck are you stalking us you nutter?” at the school gates or the corner shop. Or a country lane.

I’d also invest in a couple of Caicasian Shepherd Dogs

It sounds like they don’t have confidence in their own ideas, so by copying yours they feel they are making ‘pre-approved’ decisions. So they aren’t confident in their interior taste, see your carpet and think ‘that must be tasteful’ and buy it.

Same with moving, if you’ve decided to move to that particular village then it must be a ‘good’ decision. It avoids them taking a risk and getting it wrong, you’ve done all the thinking!

In a way it’s flattering. I don’t think it’s stalking, but laziness and a lack of shame about using others for their convenience.

Like others, I’d be very cool when they move. No invitations, be too busy for playdates, only polite chit chat, refuse all requests to borrow things etc.

They’ll soon get the message you are not pleased with their ‘borrowing’ of your life and either gain some awareness, or leave you alone!

*Caucasian

They clearly rate your taste as that way they just copy you rather than putting in the legwork to drive round finding villages they’d like to live in.

This is it in a nutshell. They're lazy and it's easier to copy you rather than think for themselves or develop their own taste. Annoying as hell.

I had a friend like this. She had lots of money, I didn't. When I bought my first home, I'd spend ages scouring the shops to find exactly the right bathroom cabinet (or whatever). She'd visit me and then buy exactly the same thing as me the next day. She was the same with clothes, shoes, bags, even though we have very different bodies and colouring. It used to drive me mad. I stopped inviting her over. I didn't wear anything new around her. She wasn't malicious. She just didn't have any imagination and was basically using me as a stylist. I'm sure lots of posters have had "that friend" who copies everything.

You seem to have the super-adult version of this OP. As others have said, stop bloody inviting them to where you live, to lunch, to anything! If you see them as a group, make sure you don't go to your favourite little restaurant or cafe as no doubt they'll then go there all the time and ruin it for you. Use your head. Stop sharing your life with them. And speak to people in your group of friends about them. Maybe they feel just as uncomfortable as you do. Maybe you'll all tolerating them for the sake of group harmony but actually no-one likes them but none of you have had the balls to say.

As PP says stop sharing your life with them. Dont have them on facebook etc dont invite them round keep them on the doorstep if they turn up at yours.

Mind you, I'd have been tempted say "oh blimey what a coincidence, we've just sold ours!!"

I had a best friend of many years who morphed into me. People really don't understand how upsetting it is unless it happens to them.

It's creepy OP, be polite but distant.

That is odd, OP.

she left a used nappy from changing her toddler in our chiminea

I am now hearing this in Alan Bennett's voice. What to expect next? Tampon in the fondue set? Condoms in the pot pourri?

YANBU OP - they sound awful.

I have a friend who openly will copy what I do. She follows me on social media to then ask me why (every time), if I was in X town, I didn't come & see her. When she sees me wearing stuff, she'll go out & buy the same things, and then tell me. It sounds trivial, and other posters here might mock me as they are mocking you, but when it happens, it feels a bit controlling and obsessive.

So with these acquaintances, just be vague & unavailable. You don't need to welcome them, you are very busy aren't you?

I had a best friend of many years who morphed into me. People really don't understand how upsetting it is unless it happens to them

Yes, @Sotoes - it's hard to undetstand till you have it happen to you.

It's not stalking but they do sound really fucking annoying.

If I were you, I'd be polite but distant. Don't invite them round, ghost them etc.

It sounds like the last time they moved to a village they didn't get on with it and moved back to London pretty quickly so it's very possible history will repeat itself. Some people like the idea of living in a quiet little village but the reality doesn't quite match the fantasy.

most probably they just can't be arsed to think for themselves and trust your judgement so are letting you do the thinking for decisions like where is nice to live and what carpets are tasteful and good value for money.

you will simply need top mover again and this time do not tell anyone your new address. you don't need anyone to know your address if all communication is electronic anyway.

if you subscribe to the royal mail redirect service people can keep sending your Christmas cards to the old address and royal mail can keep the secret.

or consider changing your identities and starting a new life where they will never find you.

it may be necessary top fake the deaths of the entire family in a tragic water skiing accident. you will need between £25k and £75k in used non-sequential bank notes depending on the quality of service you want for the new ID and the credibility of the faked-death. there will be an additional
premium if you want or sorted before christmas. PM me for details of a fixer I know who can arrange this for you.

If they ask to borrow something, don't make up an excuse, just say, sorry - you're not lending anything to anyone anymore as you are so fed up of not getting stuff back, - and smile.

Don't invite them to your house or to any village events. If they want to mix, that's down to them.

They could ruin the next few years for you unless you roll back on it all. Don't invite them round. Learn how to say no - not all women manage that very well. Just be polite and if they ask you found so - sorry we cannot make it; we are not very sociable at the moment. Take a long time to reply to them. Have less contact. Don't arrange to meet them.

I have had copying friends.plus one friend who would suggest things of mine for other friends to copy. Eg “Vix has just bought x dress, it looks great, why don’t you get one ?”. Grrr. Copying SIL was the most annoying though, she would copy my room colours, clothes, everything. We have no contact with her now, it is a relief.