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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Parking Permit Relationship Drama

120 replies

DustyVolunteer · 19/11/2019 13:48

My boyfriend has been in his flat since January. He has never bothered to apply for a parking permit for the benefit of his family and other guests. So everyone pays, for a limit of 2 hours parking.

After spending a small fortune parking outside his flat, I persuaded him we should look into a permit. My dad is great with forms and paperwork and he took on what was a fairly complicated process as the BF refused to engage. He sat down with my boyfriend, made sure he had all the right supporting documents and correctly submitted the online application.

The application failed once, although the council didn't bother to contact us to explain why. My boyfriend was too lazy to chase up the silence, so dad did it. We tried again but it failed again and I talked the BF into going to the CAB, who made some calls and told us we had to submit again. Back to dad, who did it all again and paid the associated costs. (all boiled down to some tiny misplaced data on the form, that the council didn't have the common sense to correct)

Dad did all this for me, to make parking overnight at my BF's flat free and simple. For us, for the relationship.

Now my BF wants to hold on to the pass, requiring me to call when outside his flat for him to bring it out. And that will still leave me paying meter fees on the times I have to drop by when he's out (such as to collect the items he's often forgotten or needs for work).

I feel the pass should be in my car. He feels it should be in his flat.

Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
TheRobinIsBobbingAlong · 19/11/2019 16:31

If the permit is applicable to the address then realistically it should remain with your bf so he can use it for all visitors. However, you shouldn't hand it over until he's settled up with your DF for any costs involved with obtaining it. If he's holding on to it then I'd make it clear to your bf that you will no longer be able to stop by and pick things up from his flat unless he's prepared to reimburse you for the money you'd have to put into the parking meter. You're doing him a favour and shouldn't be out of pocket for it.

Nanny0gg · 19/11/2019 16:33

@05bluebluezoo

Did you read the Op's posts at all?

Redglitter · 19/11/2019 16:35

I have to drop by when he's out (such as to collect the items he's often forgotten or needs for work

So next time he needs you to run after him say no. If you dont have a permit to park while you do things he should be doing you wont do it

What on earth are you getting out of this relationship??

Daenerys77 · 19/11/2019 16:35
  1. If the permit relates to your partner's premises, it is technically his property
  2. Form filling is part of life and you both need to learn how to do it, not least because your father won't be around for ever
  3. Your boyfriend does not seem to be very invested in the relationship. Does he really care about you or does he just want the fetching-and-carrying and other services you provide?
  4. Personally I would dump him, but if you do stay in the relationship, at least stop running his errands. If he forgets things, why shouldn't he go back for them himself? He could write a list of items he needs to take and tape it to the inside of the front door.
JonSlow · 19/11/2019 16:50

@DustyVolunteer

Because I have been alone and lonely for a long, long, long time and he's the first man I've met in ages that I actually am attracted to, is attracted to me, and whose company I enjoy on the good days.

On the good days.... this is your threshold? Pull yourself together. Every day should be a good day. Dump him. Move on. Grow some self respect.

Jaxhog · 19/11/2019 17:03

And you're still with him, why?

iano · 19/11/2019 18:22

I feel really sorry for you OP. Understand that loneliness can be crippling but please don't sell yourself short.
Your BF is treating you badly. At least stop collecting/dropping things off for him.

jillandhersprite · 19/11/2019 18:35

The problem is that as long as you are with this guy there is very little incentive to find new and decent friends. You have said yourself you will probably only do it when he wears you down so badly that you are pushed into it.
Consider the current scenario bad enough to start anew.
Your parents are still around so you have them in the background while you start a fresh life without this idiot. Trust me the damage he is doing to your long term mental health is not balanced by the occasional good times...

MelissaCortezsPastry · 19/11/2019 18:54

@DustyVolunteer the thing is any honourable person who may be interested in you won't ever reveal their feelings as you are in a relationship with someone. I often wonder if my SIL wasn't with the absolute arsehole she is with whether she would have opened herself up to the opportunity of a better relationship.

I do understand the need for company even if at times it is awful but you are better than this. Again, I suggest you post in Relationships with more info possibly about your age and what you are doing to put yourself out there and connect with people. I am a trailing spouse so have left jobs and friends behind and understand not having a large group of friends.

For everyone else, there is a setting you can put on to show all the OP's posts highlighted making it easier to find the updates. She has her Dad's help as she has Asperger's.

LemonPrism · 19/11/2019 19:27

The parking ticket shout be in the bin because you have no use for it or him.

Why your dad had to do it I do not know, parking permit forms no matter where I've lived have never been particularly complicated.

Proof of address, proof of licence etc maybe insurance.. fill in numbers and bing

LemonPrism · 19/11/2019 19:35

God, you recognise it's toxic but don't care to leave? Why?!?

I can understand having read on why your dad helped you. Your boyfriend on the other hand is still a loser

If your dad pic you should keep the permit

Wilmalovescake · 19/11/2019 19:37

Look, if you want to keep the twunt around that’s entirely your decision.

Next time he gives you the permit, just don’t give it back. Simples.

But stop being such a doormat for him.

Pollywollydolly · 19/11/2019 19:41

(all boiled down to some tiny misplaced data on the form, that the council didn't have the common sense to correct)

Given that neither you or your bf were capable of completing the form it's a bit rich to slag off the council staff for following their own procedure. Don't bin the boyfriend op - you're made for each other.

lljkk · 19/11/2019 19:44

I'm :( this thread has been so unsupportive, OP.
READ TFT folks.

Yes of course you should keep the permit. I hope you can talk your BF around.

*you can let him keep it after you get around to dumping him.

BuddleiasEverywhere · 19/11/2019 20:05

Why do people comment on a thread without at least the OP's posts?

It's so fucking rude!

RedPanda2 · 19/11/2019 20:14

I can't believe your dad didn't scream DUMP HIM in your face instead of doing the forms for him

makingmammaries · 19/11/2019 20:20

This is AIBU so I will answer the question. YABU to keep this boyfriend. Everything else is irrelevant. You can dump him now or in three years, or in 5 when there are children involved, and he still won’t lift a finger. But child maintenance requires a lot of form-filling so I’d leave sooner.

TryingToBeBold · 19/11/2019 20:46

Please dont have children with him

Vanhi · 19/11/2019 20:58

Because I have been alone and lonely for a long, long, long time and he's the first man I've met in ages that I actually am attracted to, is attracted to me, and whose company I enjoy on the good days.

OP, a man isn't the answer to the problem of loneliness. I speak as someone who has been single for periods of several years at a stretch. I moved around a lot, my parents don't live in the same country. I know how stressful it can be thinking that there is no safety net - that if things go wrong it will all fall on you because there is no-one else.

But the thing is, it is better to be alone like that than be in the toxic situation you describe. This man is not adding to your life, he really isn't. And I agree with pp - while you are with him, you are not free to be with anyone else and he is damaging your mental health. You can be free of him. You have more strength than you know. The whole business with the parking permits is him telling you loud and clear that he cannot be bothered with your relationship. I am sorry, but it is. Please think seriously about how things could be much better without him.

yesterdayisgone · 19/11/2019 22:15

I think your dad should keep the permit Grin

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