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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Parking Permit Relationship Drama

120 replies

DustyVolunteer · 19/11/2019 13:48

My boyfriend has been in his flat since January. He has never bothered to apply for a parking permit for the benefit of his family and other guests. So everyone pays, for a limit of 2 hours parking.

After spending a small fortune parking outside his flat, I persuaded him we should look into a permit. My dad is great with forms and paperwork and he took on what was a fairly complicated process as the BF refused to engage. He sat down with my boyfriend, made sure he had all the right supporting documents and correctly submitted the online application.

The application failed once, although the council didn't bother to contact us to explain why. My boyfriend was too lazy to chase up the silence, so dad did it. We tried again but it failed again and I talked the BF into going to the CAB, who made some calls and told us we had to submit again. Back to dad, who did it all again and paid the associated costs. (all boiled down to some tiny misplaced data on the form, that the council didn't have the common sense to correct)

Dad did all this for me, to make parking overnight at my BF's flat free and simple. For us, for the relationship.

Now my BF wants to hold on to the pass, requiring me to call when outside his flat for him to bring it out. And that will still leave me paying meter fees on the times I have to drop by when he's out (such as to collect the items he's often forgotten or needs for work).

I feel the pass should be in my car. He feels it should be in his flat.

Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
BlouseAndSkirt · 19/11/2019 15:24

And that will still leave me paying meter fees on the times I have to drop by when he's out (such as to collect the items he's often forgotten or needs for work) I definitely would not do this.

Has your Bf paid your Dad for the fees?

Slappadabass · 19/11/2019 15:25

Jesus, how old is he, 12?

Get rid and find yourself a actual functioning adult man.

DeathStare · 19/11/2019 15:27

It's your BF's permit. It has been issued because of where BF lives, not because of you. And the flat is for whoever may visit the flat - not just you. I can completely get why BF wouldn't want you to keep it - he would have to explain ever visitor to you in order to get it back.

And that will still leave me paying meter fees on the times I have to drop by when he's out (such as to collect the items he's often forgotten or needs for work)
Don't do this.

messolini9 · 19/11/2019 15:27

As for the people pointing out he's a man-child, yes, he is and I am currently in a toxic situation

You could choose to view this whole permit shennanigans as a watershed moment for just how little this so-called boyfriend is prepared to do to make you feel comfortable, welcome, & not inconvenienced.

for now, I deal with the BS until I reach a point where my emotions get in tune with my common sense and I feel cold enough to walk away.

@DustyVolunteer - it's not COLD to realise that someone isn't treating you right. And all the time you are spending with him, you are not meeting nicer, more helpful people who will actually appreicate you.

I understand that your social circumstances are not what you would presently wish, but wasting time - & being slowly ground down by his attitude to the point where you do not feel you deserve better treatment - is not the solution. I hope you are soon able to walk away. When you do, I bet your dad will rejoice.

ReanimatedSGB · 19/11/2019 15:28

Is he neurodiverse as well? If not, then I think his resistance to getting this parking permit may have something to do with him not considering you his partner, and it's possible that he resented your father taking over the whole process.
It is honestly better to be single than in a relationship where you have to scurry around placating the other person so they don't leave.

BlobbyTheLump · 19/11/2019 15:34

Did he thank your dad?

I would be furious if my dad had helped my partner out with something and received not even a word of thanks.

My dad helped DP move some large items from one house to another and DP took him out to a football match and for drinks to say thanks.
It was a 10 minute journey!

I'm surprised your dad hasn't told you to run if I'm honest.

MrsEricBana · 19/11/2019 15:34

This is a crazy situation and you deserve to be with someone who puts himself out for you because he wants to.

MrsEricBana · 19/11/2019 15:35

Yes your dad shouldn't be enabling this

InACheeseAndPickle · 19/11/2019 15:37

I'd dump the boyfriend (and take the permit with me). Why is he such a useless, lazy twat?

ittakes2 · 19/11/2019 15:45

You said in your post he does not have a pass for family and friends...if you keep it than he will still not have a pass for family and friends. BUT I agree with others - what a faff! Do you really want to invest your time in him?

Blatherskite · 19/11/2019 15:46

Have my first LTB. He's a waste of space

Eckhart · 19/11/2019 15:46

I'd leave him and when he asks for a reason, tell him you couldn't afford the parking fees of the relationship.

I'm half joking, but my main point is: leave.

Your second post indicates that you're lonely and you're trying to find other people so that you can be happier. Other people won't do that for you. They might distract you from being miserable on your own, but that's not happiness. Do you have solitary hobbies you can immerse yourself in? If not, can you get some? Something creative or outdoors, maybe? If you can be happier alone, you'll be more choosy about who you spend your time with.

You definitely need to find a way of being more choosy.

LEJOG · 19/11/2019 15:48

Follow Google Maps directions for your journey to his house. It gives you a very accurate ETA. Have him wait outside for you at your arrival time with the permit.

Grumpelstilskin · 19/11/2019 15:57

Most posters echoed my thoughts on this guy. But if you want to stay with him, then the next time he hands you the permit, hang on to it and drive off with it the next day. After that, use it and be as obtuse as him and keep it on your person when not parked up there.

FraglesRock · 19/11/2019 15:59

He didn't apply for it
He didn't pay for it.
Leave it in your car.
If he wants one he can apply for it.

TriangularRatbag · 19/11/2019 16:00

The only person who comes out of this well is your father.

SavoyCabbage · 19/11/2019 16:01

There is no way I'd I've helped my dd with these complicated forms as I'd not want the relationship to succeed. I can't imagine my child being lumbered with such a loser.

Clymene · 19/11/2019 16:05

Neither you nor your dad can make this bloke into a decent human being.

This thread is heartbreaking - 1. Because you think a toxic relationship is better than no relationship and 2. Because your dad clearly agrees with you

It's made me very sad for you.

bluebluezoo · 19/11/2019 16:05

The only person who comes out of this well is your father

Really? I'd have told her if she's grown up enough to be staying over at her boyfriends she's old enough to be applying for her own fucking parking permit.

Seems like there's a cycle of infantilising going on- dad is doing stuff for his daughter that she should be more than capable of, and daughter is doing stuff for her bf (picking up forgotten items ffs?) that he should also be adult enough to do.

Do you work op? Does your dad pop by and do all your "complicated admin" there too?

SchadenfreudePersonified · 19/11/2019 16:08

You paid for it; you keep it.

If he is prepared to pay the associated costs (and you might want to bill for your father's time), then allow him to take possession of it ie sell it to him.

And then kick the lazy self-serving bastard into touch and give yourself the chance to meet a decent man.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 19/11/2019 16:11

Really? I'd have told her if she's grown up enough to be staying over at her boyfriends she's old enough to be applying for her own fucking parking permit. Then you might want to read OPs reason for asking her dad to do it for her!

I can easily see why she asked. I don't see why her BF thinks that entitles him to have the permit.

Dusty keep the permit in your car. Every time he asks for it might bring you nearer tp your head and heart making a joint decision!

I wish you well of him, for as long as you can bear him!

lizzzyyliveson · 19/11/2019 16:17

It would be interesting for you to tell him he can have the permit once he gives you the money for the two applications that your Dad paid for. I bet he won't put his hand in his pocket for it, though.

NearlyGranny · 19/11/2019 16:23

He wouldn't have the permit at all if left to his own devices. I think OP should keep it in her car. Nobody else did anything to obtain it. If it goes into the flat, I predict he will have misplaced it within days and OP will never see it again. We already know he forgets vital things for work and expects others to rescue him. I bet it's chaotic inside that flat.

I know the sort of permit and it can be displayed in any visitor's car. DS and his DP have one, but they keep it in one spot and can always put their hands on it whenever we or a friend turn up. Each house only gets one and you have to apply each year.

Good luck with keeping that going. 🙄

spacepyramid · 19/11/2019 16:23

You should give it to your Dad, he's the one who did all the work. I'm shocked that neither you nor your boyfriend were capable of doing it yourselves unless you have learning difficulties or are bone idle.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 19/11/2019 16:27

I agree that you should keep the permit in your car.
Your dad applied for it, for your benefit, not for your boyfriend to take off you.
This is a way of him controlling you.

I see your posts about why you're staying with this man but at some point you need to re-evaluate why you think he is a friend - he sounds more like he's just taking advantage of your neediness of having someone.

Do not let that override your sense of self-preservation. I see your loneliness and you can bet he does too - but there are worse things than being alone, and being in a controlling abusive relationship is one of them.

Take care - hope your emotions tune up with your logical processing soon.

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