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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Parking Permit Relationship Drama

120 replies

DustyVolunteer · 19/11/2019 13:48

My boyfriend has been in his flat since January. He has never bothered to apply for a parking permit for the benefit of his family and other guests. So everyone pays, for a limit of 2 hours parking.

After spending a small fortune parking outside his flat, I persuaded him we should look into a permit. My dad is great with forms and paperwork and he took on what was a fairly complicated process as the BF refused to engage. He sat down with my boyfriend, made sure he had all the right supporting documents and correctly submitted the online application.

The application failed once, although the council didn't bother to contact us to explain why. My boyfriend was too lazy to chase up the silence, so dad did it. We tried again but it failed again and I talked the BF into going to the CAB, who made some calls and told us we had to submit again. Back to dad, who did it all again and paid the associated costs. (all boiled down to some tiny misplaced data on the form, that the council didn't have the common sense to correct)

Dad did all this for me, to make parking overnight at my BF's flat free and simple. For us, for the relationship.

Now my BF wants to hold on to the pass, requiring me to call when outside his flat for him to bring it out. And that will still leave me paying meter fees on the times I have to drop by when he's out (such as to collect the items he's often forgotten or needs for work).

I feel the pass should be in my car. He feels it should be in his flat.

Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
GetOffTheTableMabel · 19/11/2019 14:33

Your boyfriend is not a very good boyfriend and not a very good adult.
You deserve better. I’ll sure your dad thinks you deserve better.

If he won’t give you the parking permit then please refuse to do the little favours he asks you to do because he is disorganised. If he wants your help, he can at least hand over the permit to help you to help him. He is being completely unreasonable.

MsRomanoff · 19/11/2019 14:35

Apologies op, if you physically can't do it.

Is there a reason that he cant?

Passthevioletgin · 19/11/2019 14:37

IMHO any decent grown man would have offered to reimburse your dad and bought him a bottle/carton of his preferred beverage in thanks for his efforts
^ THIS!

Sorry but I just don't think he's that into you. Your dad has been great, and you sound like you've been great and supportive but your boyfriend does not sound great.

The correct response to - lovely girl wants to come to my flat - is how can I make this easy for her? How can I make her parking easier (and free) so she will keep coming round to see me? This git boyfriend is NOT doing any of that.

LifeSpectator · 19/11/2019 14:37

As the permit only works outside his place, and you have no need of it when not visiting, it does make sense to leave it with him, but you should absolutly be refunded for any expense incured by you or to your dad, and for any future expense such as running erronds for bf . The next time he suggests you pick up something he forgot simply decline, or ask he fills a jar with coins that you can take some for your car meter. It sounds like since he didnt need it, he wasnt bothered to apply and so as he is unconcerned about others having to pay for parking you need to be equally unconcerned about doing stuff for his benefit if he expects you to incur the cost.

i dont see it as man child, nothing you said says he couldnt have done this if he wanted to , but he didnt want to, hes selfish.

And when leaving next time make sure he has to come with you to retrieve his permit from car.

DontbeaBabs · 19/11/2019 14:37

and I am currently in a toxic situation
if that's how you assess your relationship (and no once can disagree!), WHY are you sticking with it? Confused

IWorkAtTheCheescakeFactory · 19/11/2019 14:40

Who wipes his arse for him?

TheQueef · 19/11/2019 14:41

What is keeping you with bf?
I'd bet this is the thin end of the wedge, does he have qualities you can explain?
Being single is infinitely better than being saddled with a useless lazy lump.

Gazelda · 19/11/2019 14:42

OP, you say it's a toxic relationship. Why don't you post more detail so that we can help you move forward to a healthier and happier life?

IWorkAtTheCheescakeFactory · 19/11/2019 14:42

I assume he can lick his eyebrows because I can’t fathom any other reason why you’d give him the time of day.

😂😂😂

MelissaCortezsPastry · 19/11/2019 14:45

You aren't living with your boyfriend so leaving the relationship is easier than if you were.

I would look into counselling for yourself and ask why you are willing to accept such shit behaviour from someone who is your boyfriend? You have identified that it is toxic which is a great start. Can you talk to your Dad about it or your Mum?

You deserve better and there is much better out there. Don't be afraid of being single. Better to be single than in a shit relationship. AIBU is a harsh board to post on, post on Relationships and let's see if MN can help you end this relationship.

This thread has been going for 10 years, it still stands today which is why it continues to be posted on. Get a cup of tea and have a read.

throughmytrees · 19/11/2019 14:46

Good grief. Why are you staying with him?

tillytrotter1 · 19/11/2019 14:51

Presumably it's for the benefit of all his guests, not just you. Were it on your car his other guests would still be out of pocket.

stophuggingme · 19/11/2019 14:53

Return the permit saying it’s no longer required
Then return him to singledom

Manchild

HPFA · 19/11/2019 14:59

I live with someone who isn't very good at forms so I tend to do a lot of them. BUT he is always grateful for what I do and makes up for it by taking care of other jobs.

Is your BF appreciative and making up to you in other ways?

DustyVolunteer · 19/11/2019 14:59

@Gazelda
@MelissaCortezsPastry

Thank you to all those who have been friendly and constructive.

Why am I with him? Because I have been alone and lonely for a long, long, long time and he's the first man I've met in ages that I actually am attracted to, is attracted to me, and whose company I enjoy on the good days.

I have been, and continue to be, trying to get myself to a point where I can change my situation but the reality is, and believe me or not, I will be almost 100% alone in the world, aside from my aging parents. Folk can say all they like about ways to engage with others, it doesn't work for me. I try and it doesn't work.

This guy is my friend. I see the bad parts, I really do. But I also know the good parts, which haven't been relevant to share with the forum. I can't bear to be alone again, I don't have the courage or the support network. So, for now, I deal with the BS until I reach a point where my emotions get in tune with my common sense and I feel cold enough to walk away. But it's not into a future worth going to, so I'm not rushing.

I have parental support, I have professional help, I volunteer, I do a lot of the things one is supposed to do. A lifetime has taught me it doesn't work for everyone.

OP posts:
ArtichokeAardvark · 19/11/2019 15:00

Who is paying for the permit (admin costs aside)? That person should keep the permit.

HeresMe · 19/11/2019 15:01

Posts on here aren't judging you for not filling forms in, it's your useless boyfriend they are judging.

You are better than this feckless idiot so get rid of him and this toxic relationship.

Shinnoo · 19/11/2019 15:06

I think you need to develop your skill set so you can fill in forms, otherwise you are reliant on others who could at some point abuse your trust.

I think you know the answer to the problem of your incompetent and selfish boyfriend and that you need to follow your instincts.

floffel · 19/11/2019 15:06

Don’t enable men or do things for them. Your first warning should have been when he was happy for you to keep paying to see him. If he really cared about you, he would have applied for it without you even asking because he would have been emotionally intelligent to recognise he wanted to spend time with you and didn’t want you to experience any blockers to doing that

I’d leave him personally

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 19/11/2019 15:09

Your BF was too selfish to help you out with the permit that your DF paid for or the money you had to spend just to visit him, but he now wants the permit in his flat, which means you still have to pay meter charges to do tasks for him.
He is treating you as Alan Partridge treats Lynn and that has to be unacceptable.
I understand what you say about making friends etc.. and you say he is OK on "The good Days" but that does imply there are bad days too. This is just not a long term solution for you, that will make you happy.
If you don't feel comfortable leaving now at least think about making a future plans for yourself - because what often happens in these situations is that it doesn't get any better and one day, when you are quite far into the relationship you will realise that the bad days outweigh the good. YOu say you have people to talk to and to help you. Perhaps this is the incident which can help you talk to them and assess how good this relationship actually is for you in the long term. Best of luck x

SVRT19674 · 19/11/2019 15:12

I would burn the darned pass and then walk out because I wont be needing it any more.

FlamingoAndJohn · 19/11/2019 15:12

Because I have been alone and lonely for a long, long, long time and he's the first man I've met in ages that I actually am attracted to, is attracted to me, and whose company I enjoy on the good days.

I completely understand, but this is no basis for a relationship. You can't base a future on 'better than nothing'.

PurbeckStone · 19/11/2019 15:13

In my experience, a parking permit is usually linked to a particular car. Are you sure this permit isn't just for your car?

Re-posting Selma's question as I've never come across a scheme where the permit wasn't linked to a particular vehicle.

messolini9 · 19/11/2019 15:17

OP, you'd save a lot of time & effort by choosing a b/f who had easier parking. Oh, & who doesn't need his hand held & & arse kicked to sort out basic life tasks.

He sounds a complete selfish twat about it all.
Is he usually stubborn & unhelpful?

TheMidasTouch · 19/11/2019 15:21

What else will he want to control if you stay together?
I wouldn't visit him ever and blame it on the parking issue.

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