Cafe wouldn’t let pregnant woman use toilet

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I’ve just ordered some breakfast for collection from a local cafe round the corner and had a quick flick through the reviews first. The most recent review is:

‘As a heavily pregnant lady went in desperate for the bathroom and they refused to let me use their toilet despite me being in tears and not close to anywhere else open. In a packed shop full of customers, they said no with no heart, no remorse, no feeling. Have never been more horrified, myself and my husband will never be using this place again’

I feel like it’s a bit harsh and the bit about there being nowhere to go close by is very untrue. There’s a Morrison’s maximum 5 minutes walk away with toilets. As a (second time) pregnant woman myself I wouldn’t get annoyed if an establishment didn't let me use staff toilets, I’d just find somewhere with public ones. The cafe gave a long response as to why they couldn’t let her use the bathroom. Mainly because their insurance didn’t cover customers in the staff area of the cafe and there were lots of boxes etc. laid about. If the pregnant woman had hurt herself then it probably wouldn’t have been good for them. They also said they managed to get the keys for the toilet in the opposite pub so it’s not like the reviewer didn’t get to use one. I think it was quite kind of them to go to the effort of making sure she used a bathroom.

Do you think she’s being reasonable or not? I think she’s being a bit U due to there being a Morrison’s so close by! (I’m not the cafe owner just interested in people’s views). My DM thinks they should have let her use it no questions asked purely because she was pregnant, I’m a little unsure

@lynsey91 I don't think anyone has said that being older means you need the loo more often. Where have you got this from on this thread? It does however often apply and you are unusual rather than 'the norm'.

You seem rather unsympathetic as well as unaware of issues 1 in 3 people have.

This is not about frequency only, it's about all the other conditions I mentioned.

But yes, after menopause a lot of women do have smaller bladders and need the loo more often. This is not a myth, it's a fact because after menopause the bladder lining is thinner owing to loss of estrogen which can cause it to hold less.

Bladders also differ in size. Yours is clearly very large but other people (like me) have small bladders. I'd need the loo within an hour or less of drinking a large drink.

Please stop arguing over something that causes a lot of distress to people and accept you are the lucky and unusual one!

My god if someone is so desperate to ask, and clearly and visibly pregnant and in need, you say YES. You exercise your humanity. I couldn't move fast when I was pregnant and had to ask to use the staff loo at my DDs pre-school when I dropped off as I couldn't make it there and back.

My god if someone is so desperate to ask, and clearly and visibly pregnant and in need, you say YES.

Not if there is no customer toilet.

I am not asking for a gold star but just wonder why so many women seem to accept that being a woman and/or an older woman means you have a weak bladder. I am pretty sure it's not normal unless you do have a health problem.

It is a very common health problem in this demographic. It’s due to physiology, effects of childbirth which may not be apparent immediately but years down the track and just the way the female anatomy is built, essentially a design flaw that never factored us getting to the age we do now. Some people get lucky and have no issue, many don’t.

I despair at the world we live in

When the fuck did it become the norm to not allow someone to use a toilet?!

Go to anywhere in Europe and in fact, the rest of the world and this doesn't happen. People need to use the toilet. It's a natural bodily function. We all have to go.

That should be allowed to happen.

Yes, public toilets can be grim and there are less and less of them. There's no way I'd be refusing to allow someone to use the toilet tho.

Councils in a supposedly civilised country should provide properly for this basic need, but a large number of public conveniences have been closed. Some cities have pop-up urinals, so once again only the male able-bodied person is catered for, but apparently women, children and disabled people don't exist. It's also seen as more 'acceptable' (while not exactly good manners) for a man to go outdoors if necessary. I was in a traffic jam the other day and over about 30 minutes at least 5 men got out to do so, but no women. The same happens in towns/cities. If councils aren't going to provide facilities for all and maintain them, and businesses don't want to take over, then of course that's a problem. Seems most (male) planners don't see it that way though, presumably because it doesn't affect them so they go with 'I'm all right Jack' instead.

Go to anywhere in Europe and in fact, the rest of the world and this doesn't happen

That's a rather bold claim on behalf of the entire world

There's no way I'd be refusing to allow someone to use the toilet tho.

I admire you then because there's no way I'd be willing to risk my job in order to allow someone to use the toilet. Which is what we could be talking about in many situations.

There's no way I'd be refusing to allow someone to use the toilet tho

So you’d happily invalidate the insurance and potentially lose your job? Rather than do like the establishment in the OP and find her a toilet to use?

myself and my husband will never be using this place again’

Oh no! A non-customer not returning

Love it!

YABU for giving a shit about someone else's trivial review for someone else's business

YABU for giving a shit about this thread and bothering to post that

Would you believe that yesterday evening somebody tried setting fire to our toilets. Whilst we were full of customers causing an evacuation and a fire brigade call out. And putting the toilets out of use for today so there will be very long queue for the disabled toilet.

And in the OPs example I think the cafe were unreasonable

Regardless of whether it was staff loos or customer.

Some people need to use a toilet urgently or they will end up spoiling themselves, it's just basic kindness surely?!

So would you allow random strangers to your home for a casual piss and shit? or into your workplace?

havingtochangeusernameagain

Why would a door code put customers off using a customer toilet?

Not the same cafe - but this article in the Mirror cracks me up

www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/pregnant-woman-desperate-use-toilet-6417020

In this case there were customer toilets but our Hannah was stunned they were for, you know, customers

So,she 'stormed' next door and posted on Facebook

I love the tabloids

So we’ve moved from ‘everyone should allow a visibly pregnant woman to use the toilet’ to ‘lots of people, one in three, have bladder or bowel issues’. So by that token, is anyone serious arguing that as the prevalence of issues is so high and you can’t tell by looking at someone whether they are in need of the bathroom urgently or not, anyone working in a business without a customer toilet or with a toilet for customer use only, and anyone who has a randomer knock on their door asking to use the toilet, should just let people use it?

That’s very generous to risk losing your job over letting a random non customer use your staff toilets, or to invite a random guy into your home with your family for a massive urgent shit in your loo just because he’s knocked and asked. Rather you than me. In the real world even people with bladder and bowel issues understand that it doesn’t entitle them to use any toilet nearby just because they’d like to. I’m 36wk pregnant atm and the need to pee can come on pretty quickly depending on what the baby chooses to do in there, doesn’t mean I’m gonna walk into a Next and ask to use the staff toilet because it’s the only one nearby lol. It’s not their problem!

Hannah dreads to thinI what would have happened of man next door hadn't helped.

Well, presumably she would have wet herself...

Then boyfriend has a go too at the cafe

Note, however, the cafe's sad experience with piss taking and shitty customers (literally)

Aridane 😂 that story is funny. Wonder how many of the fb shares were actually people saying how ridiculous and entitled she was being.

Blows my mind that they said she could use it if she was a customer so she had the option of buying something and then accessing their toilet, but she would rather have ‘stormed’ off elsewhere and then posted on fb about it instead. Can’t have been that desperate. When you really need to go and there’s a customer toilet you’ll buy a drink or a small item if it means being able to pee sooner rather than later!

CF of the highest order.