Cafe wouldn’t let pregnant woman use toilet

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I’ve just ordered some breakfast for collection from a local cafe round the corner and had a quick flick through the reviews first. The most recent review is:

‘As a heavily pregnant lady went in desperate for the bathroom and they refused to let me use their toilet despite me being in tears and not close to anywhere else open. In a packed shop full of customers, they said no with no heart, no remorse, no feeling. Have never been more horrified, myself and my husband will never be using this place again’

I feel like it’s a bit harsh and the bit about there being nowhere to go close by is very untrue. There’s a Morrison’s maximum 5 minutes walk away with toilets. As a (second time) pregnant woman myself I wouldn’t get annoyed if an establishment didn't let me use staff toilets, I’d just find somewhere with public ones. The cafe gave a long response as to why they couldn’t let her use the bathroom. Mainly because their insurance didn’t cover customers in the staff area of the cafe and there were lots of boxes etc. laid about. If the pregnant woman had hurt herself then it probably wouldn’t have been good for them. They also said they managed to get the keys for the toilet in the opposite pub so it’s not like the reviewer didn’t get to use one. I think it was quite kind of them to go to the effort of making sure she used a bathroom.

Do you think she’s being reasonable or not? I think she’s being a bit U due to there being a Morrison’s so close by! (I’m not the cafe owner just interested in people’s views). My DM thinks they should have let her use it no questions asked purely because she was pregnant, I’m a little unsure

So.if she was walking down the street and needed to go anyone of you would be happy for her to knock on your door and you'd let her use your toilet? If not, why not?

This was a private toilet that she wanted to use. You just know that had she gone and tripped over or something she would have sued them for every penny she could get.

Whether people use the loo as a 'side issue' or as the main event, they still pee and poop and the owner/staff will still need to maintain the loos

Firstly, they need less cleaning if fewer people have been using them.

Secondly, people are much less likely to make a big mess or abuse facilities if they are likely to be recognised from having been there for a while and/or might want to come back to the cafe again. It's like the old saying about (quite literally) people not pooing on their own doorstep.

It's not though.
A business won't take the risk. Why should they?

For all we know the person could have been one of those shouty, demanding people.

They made a choice based on their own risk assessment. They know the layout of behind the counter.
They were busy and had no staff to escort the woman.
It didn't need both of them to be in the cafe if they had no intention of purchasing anything.
Sometimes it's not as easy as simply going into the back and using the staff toilets, the door is often coded or some other system.
Some cafes you have to walk through a part of the kitchen to get to the staff toilet. Up/down potentially unsafe stairs that even staff hate using.

There are so many reasons why someone would be refused.

And if someone knocked on my door to use the loo, not a chance would I let them in. Don't care who you are. Piss behind a bush for all I care.

So.if she was walking down the street and needed to go anyone of you would be happy for her to knock on your door and you'd let her use your toilet? If not, why not?

Of course they wouldn't! It's completely hypocrisy that comes up on every one of these types of threads, virtue signalling guff about kindness and appalled and scorn but only when it comes to other people's property, time, business, money, etc. with 'it's not the same as my house is private!'

GoodGriefSunshine

You have to do what those of us with bowel problems have to do - plan a trip out like a military operation. Know where the toilets are and where they might be en route. If you go on a train pray that you aren't held up or suddenly need to go when you aren't near to a toilet. Live your life with the constant fear that you'll be caught short and have an accident. It rules and ruins your life. I have Crohn's disease. When I need to go I have to go. I can't wait. I control it to a certain extent by not eating very much at all and by taking imodium prophylactically before I go to work, before I use public transport, go on long car journeys, basically whenever I leave home.

How did we get from a distressed and obviously pregnant member of the public asking to use the customer loo to an open for all, public lav in the cafe situation? I don't think anyone is suggesting that cafe loos should by some decree become public conveniences.

Because any town or public area is likely to have a number of pregnant women walking around. Then you add the children, the peri-menopausal women, the IBS/Crohns/Bladder problem sufferers, those with stomach ache. Then you need to consider the people in general (i.e. everybody) who simply needs to go urgently because that's something that can affect any of us at one time or another.

Before long, you end up with the owners of cafes and other businesses having to find reasons to justify why any particular individual asking shouldn't use their toilet - reasons which can easily be truthfully or deceptively gainsaid by the person asking (any female or person identifying as female between the ages of 16 & 50 can claim to be pregnant) - and all whilst the person behind the counter is busy trying to run a business at the same time.

Once you allow a few people to use your facilities and others see it or word gets around, it gets very difficult not to end up letting everybody use it.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras that's terrible. I feel for you. Pity there wasn't something like a cafe with a loo you could use....

Staff loos are not loos random people can use. Imagine that! All private homes have loos in them, too, it's such a pity that all loos are not available to all and sundry.

I've not read the thread and I think it's really cruel.
There's no way I'd never let anyone not use loo.
I've been stuck many a time and no one has ever turned me away. It's mean.

Awesome.
And another home address added to the toilet app right @Childlaw2014

I’m a cafe owner. We do have a toilet for the use of customers, but I regularly get requests from non customers to use it. I wouldn’t dream of denying anyone the use of a bloody loo for Gods sake. Last week the shop opposite us would not allow a 3 year old to use their staff toilet, her dad brought her to our cafe and we hurried her to the toilet straight away. The next day both of the child’s parents came back and spent quite a lot of money with us because they were grateful for saving their child an embarrassing situation

There's no way I'd never let anyone not use loo.

Feel free to sign up your home on a find a toilet app then. Approach businesses who don't offer loos to install them and you'll clean them for free, keep them stocked (it's just 'a bit' of soap, towels and paper) and maintain them at your expense - all sorts of things you can do to demonstrate your lack of meanness and magnanimity.

Sadly hearhooves would have a long wait at our premises today as a non customer has meamt the gents being closed all day so any men wishing to use the loos are queing for the disabled toilet

The shop opposite has no reason to let all and sundry in and let them use the staff toilet.

If customers stop using a place because they cannot use toilets that are not available to them, they are just arses really.

Would be like some random stranger knocking on my door and requesting to use it. Then having a tantrum and telling me they are never going to knock on my door when I refuse.

childlaw2014 So what do you do if you have customers to be served, food getting cooked and you are working on your own?

Deal with them or the person who wants to use the staff loos in a private area?

Then why restrict your loo to 'customers only' then, calamity, list it on a find a toilet app so people can use it as a public toilet then?

This thread reminds me that I was in a decorating shop a couple of weeks ago when my daughter needed the loo. I asked a staff member if there was a loo she could use and she said “No, sorry”.

I thanked her and went and found one she could use (a drive away as it was on an industrial estate).

That was the end of the drama and I will shop there again.

that's terrible. I feel for you. Pity there wasn't something like a cafe with a loo you could use....

But you aren't always somewhere with a toilet. You have to.plan.

I can also see security issues if the staff have bags, purses etc out.

I'm looking forward to doing the mn toilet tour.
When out and about pop in and rate a mnters loo. Much better than the threads showing houses for sale.

Ah, but Hear, as you've seen, MN itself is teaming with people who would be happy to allow you to use their private loos!

dontalltalkatonce

So it would seem. Can we compile a list for me to use when out and about?

I'm looking forward to doing the mn toilet tour.
When out and about pop in and rate a mnters loo. Much better than the threads showing houses for sale.

Just make sure you don't look like a tradesperson otherwise you will end up having a thread about you being CF here😂