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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think i might stand a chance with him

71 replies

Practicalmagico · 19/11/2019 07:57

Hi, excuse me for sounding like a teenager with a crush!

Basically about 5 years ago, I worked with a man who I had feelings for and they were mutual feelings however nothing ever progressed. He left the company and I heard nothing after that.

Anyway, about a year ago, I added him on Facebook- again, I heard nothing from him.
A couple of days ago, I posted a nice selfie on Facebook which he liked and I then almost immediately got a follow request on Instagram from him.

Last night, I went for a few drinks with some friends and lo and behold, he was there too in the same bar! I could see him glancing over at me out of the corner of my eye, doing double takes.

WIBU to think he likes me again and to message him saying hi?

OP posts:
ColdCottage · 19/11/2019 07:58

Go for it!

LionelRitchieStoleMyNotebook · 19/11/2019 08:01

Why didn't you go and say hello to him? Or why didn't he say hello to you? It's all a bit odd. How old are you?

Original poster
Practicalmagico · 19/11/2019 08:05

@LionelRitchieStoleMyNotebook I’m 26 and he’s 28. You’re right, it was all a bit awkward! I’m kicking myself now!

OP posts:
SunniDay · 19/11/2019 08:09

Is he married/ part of a family/ in a relationship?

Original poster
Practicalmagico · 19/11/2019 08:13

@SunniDay not that I know of. There’s nothing that he’s posted that makes me think that he could be

OP posts:
LuluBellaBlue · 19/11/2019 08:16

I probably wouldn’t tbh, only because he’s had plenty of opportunity to approach you or strike up conversation and hasn’t.
Not saying it’s all down to him, but you made a leap by adding him on FB and it’s taken him a YEAR to simply like a pic?
Sorry but he doesn’t sound that interested.... Sad

GettingABitDesperateNow · 19/11/2019 08:18

I'd say no, if you were at the same bar for a while and he didnt even come and say hi, it's not going anywhere.

Spinderellacutituponetime · 19/11/2019 08:20

Ignore the others! He may not have been in a position to make a move before or even actively seeking a partner. His situation may have changed now. I say go for it. Life is too short. Maybe he is just working up the courage but definitely try and speak to him, no harm in you making the first move?

Original poster
Practicalmagico · 19/11/2019 08:22

Thanks everyone! Half of you are saying what my head is saying and half of you are saying what my heart is saying!

OP posts:
dottiedodah · 19/11/2019 08:31

I would go for it ! Nothing ventured as they say .Why not message him and say something like "Hi how are you ,thought I saw you last night at So and So place ,had a good evening, did you fancy meeting up there one evening for a chat about our old times at So and So office "It sounds like he is keen on you too hopefully .If not, whats the worse that can happen ,a nice evening out with an ex colleague and some drinkies!

Bluntness100 · 19/11/2019 08:33

No harm in saying hi, but the fact he didn't take the opportunity to say hi to you is concerning, but then you didn't say hi to him either.

Aridane · 19/11/2019 08:33

No, I wouldn’t ask him out. However, I would message to say ‘fancy seeing you in x bar, sorry I didn’t come over to say hello, how are you doing?’ / and take it from there

Original poster
Practicalmagico · 19/11/2019 08:37

Oh gosh I might just try and forget about him to be honest. I don’t want to make a fool of myself or get rejected! Just wish I’d made my first move when I’d had a couple of drinks Grin

OP posts:
BendNSnap · 19/11/2019 08:48

He probably thought you weren't interested because you didn't go over and say hi either. I think you should send him a message asking if he was in the bar or was it his doppelgänger. Break the ice and suggest you could go out for drinks and a catch up. You've got nothing to lose. If he rejects you then you know where you stand and you won't be forever wondering what if. Go for it OP!

SheChoseDown · 19/11/2019 08:53

No. He wasn't /isn't interested.

User3421090989098 · 19/11/2019 08:53

Why didn’t you say hi? If he was interested he would have said hello. Don’t read into follower requests.

Original poster
Practicalmagico · 19/11/2019 08:54

Thanks everyone. I think I’ll save myself the heartache and not bother!

OP posts:
SouthernComforts · 19/11/2019 08:58

I think he'll message you if he's interested. He liked your photo and added you on Instagram. I predict a message on Friday or Saturday when he's had a bit of dutch courage!

MadMadMad · 19/11/2019 09:00

Hi, I know it is the expectation that the man should make the first move (at least it was in my day) but that really is very unfair. You are saying you won't bother because you don't want to be rejected but perhaps he feels the same, perhaps he has asked many women out and been rejected every time so now he's ultra sensitive. If you can text/message him why not send something semi-neutral but encouraging and see if that gets a response (perhaps something like suggested above - that was you in the bar the other evening wasn't it, how are things going for you now?). If he ignores you no harm done and if he is interested it shows him you are happy for him to contact you.

SillyUnMurphy · 19/11/2019 09:16

I'd do what @Aridane suggested. That way you haven't committed yourself too much.

Spinderellacutituponetime · 19/11/2019 10:04

Oh FFS. No one knows if he’s interested or not! How can @SheChoseDown possibly know? How can any body know unless you ask him? We are not living in the 1900s. It’s okay to ask and you will not get your heart broken as you are not even invested yet. Jeez. These threads really annoy me where people are basically guessing what the other guy thinks with no prior knowledge apart from the small insight the OP has mentioned. It’s got to be worth a shot? I asked my husband out. We’ve been happily married for 22 years. He said he would never have realised I liked him unless I’d been so blunt as he’s impossibly shit at recognising flirting.

ColdCottage · 20/11/2019 22:25

You regret the things you don't do. It might be the move that changes you life? At worst he says he's not interested.

You don't want to look back in 10 years and regret not asking. You can't go back. Trying and maybe being a bit embarrassed at worst for a few days is the better choice.

I still look back with regret at playing hard to get and never kissing a boy I liked when I was 19.

dontcallmeduck · 20/11/2019 22:28

It’s a bit weird neither of you approached the other. My social media rule is I’m only friends if I’d say hi in the street. If he couldn’t be bothered coming to say hi (which you didn’t either) then I’d say not interested

Original poster
Practicalmagico · 23/11/2019 15:40

Hi, just a little update really!
Thursday night, we went to the same place for a meal and he was there again with a couple of friends at the bar.

He called me over (Dutch courage), gave me a friendly hug and we chatted about where we both are career wise, he asked if I was single etc.

Through the night, I know I wasn’t imagining it, he and his friends were talking together while staring at me. They were all drunk so weren’t being discreet at all. I caught them doing this about 10 times in the space of about an hour!

When I got home, I got a message from him asking if I was still at the bar. I said no because it was getting a bit late so I’d gotten a lift home. I asked why he was asking and he said he wanted to know because he wanted to ‘say bye properly’.

OP posts:
Flairhead · 23/11/2019 15:43

That sounds promising OP!