To think i might stand a chance with him

[Practicalmagico]

Hi, excuse me for sounding like a teenager with a crush!

Basically about 5 years ago, I worked with a man who I had feelings for and they were mutual feelings however nothing ever progressed. He left the company and I heard nothing after that.

Anyway, about a year ago, I added him on Facebook- again, I heard nothing from him.
A couple of days ago, I posted a nice selfie on Facebook which he liked and I then almost immediately got a follow request on Instagram from him.

Last night, I went for a few drinks with some friends and lo and behold, he was there too in the same bar! I could see him glancing over at me out of the corner of my eye, doing double takes.

WIBU to think he likes me again and to message him saying hi?

Exactly what he said, likely. Him asking if she was still at the bar and saying he wanted to say goodbye properly isn’t anything inappropriate. It doesn’t mean he likes/d OP, at all.

that's a good friend you have OP... sharp as a razor.. and honest...

@BumbleBeee69 definitely.
I’m glad I spoke to her first rather than messaging him otherwise a) I might’ve been rejected and therefore embarrassed or b) he might’ve accepted and not told me about his girlfriend

Exactly what he said, likely. Him asking if she was still at the bar and saying he wanted to say goodbye properly isn’t anything inappropriate. It doesn’t mean he likes/d OP, at all.

MN really needs an eye rolling emoji.

Yeah guys in steady relationships regularly msg girls they've just chatted to in bars while out drinking/getting drunk with their mates (and blatantly looking over at her/discussing her) to ask if they've left the bar now because they "want to say goodbye properly". It's so important that they see a girl they barely know face to face and say the word "good bye" and shake her hand before they both leave.

P- lease.

He knows she likes him, she was the one who requested him on Facebook originally. He knows she keeps looking over at him when out socially ... Her impression that he and his mates were discussing her was v likely right. Even how op has phrased it in here "do I stand a chance with him" like he was a prize/desirable etc ... Most people will pick up on that. He hasn't done anything (sober) because he's not been single. He's now in a newish relationship apparently and is out with his mates with an apparently interested/willing woman in the vicinity. He called her over and she went - even that is significant. He knows. I think with some drink.in him he thought he'd check if she was "up for it" (and probably not make it clear he had a gf if she didn't know) or downplay it as casual. That's why he mashed her late, with drink in, to see if she was still around.

*That's why he messaged her late, with drink in him, to see if she was still around.

"Say goodbye properly" is just an excuse/white wash - he's hardly going to say "to see if you were up for goin home for a shag luv".

Also do you notice the only reciprocal thing he's done to date has been to accept op as FB friend (zero effort) with no messaging, like a glamourous/flattering pic (visual gratification/eye candy oriented) and request to follow her Instagram after seeing the pic (again visual gratification/eye candy oriented). He's not interested in being platonic friends.

@Sandals19 I think he just wanted a shag as well and saw me as someone who’d be up for it because there is chemistry there undoubtedly. He didn’t bring up his girlfriend at all while we were chatting even though he asked if I was with someone.

Huh! Nice bit of hypocrisy there.

Well isn't it good he's shown you how he is without you even having to get involved. Doesn't sound like great relationship material (if he's definitely still seeing the girl your friend told you about).

No harm done OP, he isn't viable and luckily you found out. There's someone nice out there for you.

I'm wondering how certain the mutual friend is about a GF.

@SlowDown76mph she said that she saw him and his girlfriend in town about 2 weeks ago and she was introduced as his girlfriend

Well if he contacts you again, you could say that you understand that he has a gf..? Then see what he says...

Either he is indeed an arse or he has been misjudged.

@SlowDown76mph I definitely will. It seems we frequent the same bar so I’m sure I will eventually see him again. I’m interested to hear his response definitely

Sounds like he knows you like him and was trying his luck for a shag.

Sounds like he knows you like him and was trying his luck for a shag
Probably! Oh well, personally I don’t do one night stands and I certainly don’t do them with men who have girlfriends! He better try his luck somewhere else

There's always the possibility that him and his GF have broken up in the two weeks since your friend saw him.

I'd tell him you'd heard he had a girlfriend, and see what he says.

@covetingthepreciousthings that’s true but what if I message him and he acts innocent like it was all in my head

Then he’ll think I’m weird for even knowing he has a girlfriend/asking around