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Original poster

When your gut feeling was spot on

151 replies

marriedwithhounds · 18/11/2019 20:21

Feeling an intense mixture of emotions and hoping that others will relate in some way.

When I was little (maybe about 10?) I remember telling my mum that my great uncle had touched my bum when he had his arm around me. She said she was sure he hadn't meant to and not to worry - but not to hug him any more if I didn't feel comfortable. I never hugged him again after that and he never tried to hug me.

I always had a bad feeling about him. Fast forward 20 years and it's now confirmed that he is a pedophile with a penchant for young boys. My gut instinct was right about him.

AIBU to ask you for similar experiences? DSis thinks you can't trust gut instincts but I defo feel vindicated.

OP posts:
Oliversmumsarmy · 19/11/2019 10:17

there was a murder case in Bristol where this happened, the guy upstairs was a bit eccentric and a teacher and the community basically decided he had done it

I think those that knew him knew he couldn’t have done it.
It was the media and police who added 1+1 and came up with 5 and tried to sway the public.

Equally I do believe that saying you can’t always tell is wrong.

Someone somewhere in the midst of time has suspected that something wasn’t right.
Probably withdrawn their child from the group.

We have had post after post of people saying that they had a gut instinct about someone and removed themselves from the situation only for years later they have been proven right.

Someone always knows

steppemum · 19/11/2019 10:26

Oliversmumsarmy

and I think it is extremely dangerous to suggest that 'someone always knows'
It perpetuates the idea that paedophiles are somehow 'identifiable'
That you would 'just know' if something was wrong.

if that was the case, we wouldn't need safeguarding.
One of the first things they you learn in safeguarding is that a paedophile can be anyone, and you cannot them from the outside.

You have to have strict guidelines in place so that the nice personable and kind young man who everyone likes is not given and opportunity. He may or may not be nice, but if you do not allow opportunities, then he will not be able to abuse.

As I said, I knew a paedophile for 13 years. Not one single person that knew him suspected.

Some paedophiles are creepy, some are extremely good with children do not present as odd in any way

LadyFlumpalot · 19/11/2019 10:26

I knew when my mum had been hospitalised with her cancer again... but that's because I sent her a text and she didn't reply within a day (very unusual) so I called the house phone - no one in
(Unusual). Left a message - no one called me back within a day (incredibly unusual) and put two and two together correctly.

A lot of it is being able to spot tiny tiny little things that are out of the ordinary, maybe so small you don't even consciously notice them. When people say they felt "off" about people it's often because that person is displaying very subtle aggressive body language.

However - sometimes we do "just know" and I'm not sure how.

TheProdigalKittensReturn · 19/11/2019 10:28

And none of the experiences recounted in this thread could even potentially have lead to some poor innocent bloke being beaten by an angry mob, so why are women talking about acting to avoid situations that felt dangerous and getting medical attention for their children in the face of initially skeptical doctors being accused of facilitating things like that by association? That's pretty dodgy as a rhetorical tactic, imo.

steppemum · 19/11/2019 10:32

being accused of facilitating things like that by association

don't be ridiculous, no-one is accusing them of that. I am merely pointing out that gut feeling is not always right or positive.

On the other hand, one person has a gut feeling that that bloke is dodgy and then tell their friend and it spreads like wildfire, and somebody's reputation gets smeared.

I do believe in gut feeling and I have had it often, but I also think we have to be careful.

peachgreen · 19/11/2019 10:35

I knew DH was the one when he first smiled at me. It was a feeling of coming home somehow. And I knew he felt the same, too. Circumstances kept us apart for almost a year but I knew we'd end up together. Once we did get together, we went to visit my grandma who was dying in a hospice. I just introduced him as my friend, she had no idea we were dating or anything. As we were leaving, she said "he's the one". It was the last time I ever saw her as she died very shortly after.

BillHadersNewWife · 19/11/2019 10:40

Peach me too! Now DH walked into my place of work and my immediate thought was "Oh, here he is."

I didn't even know what that meant! It just popped into my mind.

17 years later here we are!

TheProdigalKittensReturn · 19/11/2019 10:41

And again, that has nothing to do with anything that's been discussed in this thread, so it's odd that a couple of people are preemptively going "make sure you don't persecute any innocent men though".

TheProdigalKittensReturn · 19/11/2019 10:43

When I met my DH it felt like we'd been friends for years. You know how you see an old friend who you haven't seen in a while and the conversation kind of picks up where it left off? Like that almost.

TheSandman · 19/11/2019 10:54

What's fascinating about Saville is how many people found him creepy.

I never liked Saville's 'persona' on TV. I was familiar with that long before I met him in the flesh but someone's onscreen presence is no guide to the real person. I never liked Bob Monkhouse either and never watched anything he was presenting but I caught him on Desert Island Discs many years ago and he said HE didn't like Bob Monkhouse either. The Bob Monkhouse we saw on our TVs was this act he did and it's what people wanted. He hated his persona. The Bob Monhouse I was listening to was completely different, he came over as a genuinely funny, caring man.

Jimmy Saville, when I met him in the flesh, was exactly like he was on screen. He just gave me the creeps. I couldn't have told you what it was (at the time) but there was something deeply 'not right' there. I wasn't the only one. It was usual for people to cross the road - and one occasion someone told me they hid behind a garden wall - to avoid him locally.

crochetmonkey74 · 19/11/2019 10:58

I had it with DP too- we met INCREDIBLY briefly at work- someone introduced us " Here's --, he's new so he's following me around today"
He was sitting at a computer, and I was walking through- but he turned his head and just smiled the most cursory glance and such a short smile it must have been less than 2 seconds and I just got this feeling of "He is really important for some reason"
I kept walking, didn't see him at work again for another month where he ended up working with me almost daily and that was it.
Thing is, we have an age gap, I was deep in grief at the time due to a close bereavement, I was in no way even considering potential partners etc - and if I was, he would have fitted none of the bill at all. But I can still remember that strength of feeling when his head turned. I had it before I saw his face, as I was looking at the back of his head, I can see it so clearly in my mind. It's such a weird thing

BillHadersNewWife · 19/11/2019 11:01

Kittens oh yes, because people think MEN and their safety are more important than ours.

TheProdigalKittensReturn · 19/11/2019 11:01

The best way I've seen it described is that some people just feel like home to you, right from the beginning.

spacepyramid · 19/11/2019 11:03

If you look at the comments about Saville on programmes like 'HIGNFY' then I'm fairly sure people knew - hiding in plain sight and all that.

NoSauce · 19/11/2019 11:04

On the majority of threads that turn out to be trolls.

ManonBlackbeak · 19/11/2019 11:07

When I was younger my parents had a neighbour who was always considered a bit of a lovable rogue, he used to do a lot of fishing and hunting and that sort of thing and would often bring my DM trout or game birds that he'd caught (I have my doubts as to whether he'd obtained them legally).

Anyway he made my flesh crawl. He never did anything, but would look at me in a way that made me feel so uncomofortable. I can't explain it but I would avoid and would actually take detours to avoid going passed his house.

He had a wife and kids, I remember the wife being lovely but very downtrodden and sad and had health problems. The kids had behavioural issues and the daughter had a baby really, really young. In the end, out of the blue seemingly the wife divorced him and left, and the kids left and stopped speaking to him completley. I never found out why, but bumped into the wife some years later and barely recoginsed her as she looked so well and happy.

He's since passed away, and even though he'd not done anything wrong I still think something wasnt right if that makes sense?

DeadDoorpost · 19/11/2019 11:13

A week before I gave birth I knew I'd give birth on the 15th. When I woke up I also knew my nan was going to die the same day. So when I went into labour and finally gave birth on the 15th, and my dad phoned us to tell us my nan had died, I didn't find it a shock.

I also knew my other nan was going to die the day she did.

I talked to my husband about my uncle having a child for the first time a few hours before we got told he was expecting.

I knew my brother was going to marry this girl as soon as he told me about her the first time they met. The wedding is next October. She's lovely.

I knew something was off about a guy, turns out he used to run a nudist colony and was caught with indecent photos in his home.

I knew trump was going to be elected and I hated my gut for being right on that one.

TheSandman · 19/11/2019 11:16

what's 'HIGNFY' ?

Orangecake123 · 19/11/2019 11:16

About a girl who was friends with my best friends.

She actually hadn't done anything, but I just had this feeling about her. I was right- she was a complete bit*ch.

I also picked my current therapist based on his profile picture from the others online.He just seemed "nice". I feel like I've made the most progress with him then all the others i've seen.

bluebella4 · 19/11/2019 11:26

Gut feeling is a great intuitive way of trusting/protecting yourself. My believe is when you are younger your senses are picking up on different things such as danger. You are absorbing and experiencing all different emotions/feelings that you can't communicate or understand but the brain in way is recording everything that is happening, physically, emotionally and socially.

Then when you are older something could happen that could spark a response usually felt in your gut. Many symptoms can be headaches or shaking. Most commonly a dull feeling in your tummy. It will remind you of an experience/image or something you've seen or experienced- giving you the gut feeling.

I firmly believe in it .. it's usually 99% right

dinosaurtoot · 19/11/2019 11:27

I went to a very large comprehensive school and remember seeing a boy at about 14 giving his girlfriend a kiss before class. We didn't know each other and I remember it clear as day and feeling really hurt by it. (Strange as I wasn't jealous of anyone else)

Thought no more of it and years later bumped into the same guy in the pub, we've now been together 14 years Grin

dinosaurtoot · 19/11/2019 11:50

Feel like I should clarify, he was in my school year!! And we are the same age! Blush

spacepyramid · 19/11/2019 12:19

Have I got news for you

Tenancy101 · 19/11/2019 12:21

@TheSandman it's Have I Got News For You

Inebriati · 19/11/2019 12:39

This isn't about a person, but my Nan had a gut feeling that she should get off the bus to work a stop early, and if she hadn't done that, she would have been killed in an IRA bomb blast aimed at civilians.
The family spent all day assuming she had been killed.

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