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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Keeping MIL out of my kitchen

91 replies

RoseTTT · 18/11/2019 11:49

Every time MIL visits (once a month for a long weekend), she commandeers my kitchen. I used to be fine with it, but for the past few years, it has been driving me potty! She is a good cook, but uses every bloody dish/pot/pan and as she’s the cook, she expects 1) all of the praise and 2) to drink all of the wine whilst DH and I end up scrubbing the bloody kitchen for an hour afterwards.

She usually arrives around 5pm on a Friday and lets herself in. I come in from work at 6:15pm and I then have to bath and put our young DC to bed (as DH isn’t home till gone 8pm on a weeknight). MIL does none of the helping with the DC bath/bed (I have asked and she laughed). So really what I’m saying is that her “helping” in the kitchen is actually causing me more hassle and work.

How do I keep her out of my kitchen? Last time she visited, I was upstairs bathing DC and reading stories. It took me an hour. I came downstairs by 7:15pm, which was plenty of time for me to do the roast dinner I’d planned for 8:45pm....but without saying a word or any prompting, she’d already taken the ingredients I’d bought out of the fridge and nearly finished cooking something I didn’t want and using only half the stuff I’d bought. I didn’t want to eat at 7:15pm and DH wasn’t even home by that time!!

It is so infuriating.

Shall I just say “here’s a magazine and a bottle of red wine, go sit and don’t touch the kitchen whilst I’m upstairs”??! There are lots of things she does that piss me off, but the cooking one is really grating. Maybe I’m becoming more territorial as I age!

P.s. I’m quite a good cook and she could always have a snack if she’s hungry before dinner

OP posts:
ContessaLovesTheSunshine · 18/11/2019 16:31

I like the idea of having no other ingredients available OP! Maybe move anything perishable into a cool box and hide it in the garage/a cupboard until after dinner. Put it all back in the fridge after dinner with a cheery 'I wanted to make sure you didn't cook anything else!' Surely this will make her get the f'ing hint.

Drabarni · 18/11/2019 16:36

Justice

There are many people who don't have a set time for their tea every night.
but there are next to no full time job where people can make diner at 4 or 5.
Yep, we are all different.

Bluerussian · 18/11/2019 16:40

CripsSandwiches Mon 18-Nov-19 16:24:59
I always cringe when women refer to the kitchen as my kitchen.

Unnecessarily bitchy comment. It is OP's kitchen, not Mil's.
......
Dunno about bitchy but don't see what is wrong in saying 'my kitchen'. My kitchen is 'my kitchen' or has been 'our kitchen', or 'the kitchen'. It's definitely not mother in law's kitchen!

Anyway I'm sure this can be settled tactfully - soon we hope. I think there can be two sittings with something already prepared.

People eat at all times, there's no rule about it. Yes it's better not to eat too late but can't be avoided in some circumstances and digestion doesn't seem to suffer much when people are still young. Older people generally don't like eating late, often say it keeps them awake, gives them indigestion.

CottonSock · 18/11/2019 16:41

I'd probably bring my own food if I wasn't fed until almost 9.

mrsbyers · 18/11/2019 16:41

She a just trying to do something nice , eating so late may not be for her either (my parents wouldn’t like it) so just be gracious and let her do it - I’m guessing it’s not a weekly thing ? if it was your mother doing it would you object so much ?

Potatoesx12 · 18/11/2019 17:02

Sounds reasonable to me. Mine doesn't even want to visit us let alone cook a meal here. Happy to swap!

InACheeseAndPickle · 18/11/2019 17:06

@Bluerussian

I agree I thought the comment cringing at OP for saying "my kitchen" was bitchy. It is her kitchen!

TheOliphantintheRoom · 18/11/2019 17:31

Oh give over saying I'm bitchy, you snowflakes Grin

gingersausage · 18/11/2019 17:53

Why the fuck are people now deciding when is an appropriate time for other people to eat their dinner? Honestly, it’s not hard to see where these nightmare MILs develop from 🙄.

NoSauce · 18/11/2019 18:30

“My kitchen” is the same as “my little family”

Autumntoowet · 18/11/2019 18:31

“My kitchen” is the same as “my little family”
Are you a MIL?
It is my house, my kitchen...

GreenTulips · 18/11/2019 18:36

Get a slow cooker - so northern have to be in the kitchen or one of those new supper all steaming all pressure thingywhatsits!! I soooo want one!

monkeymonkey2010 · 18/11/2019 19:32

She usually arrives around 5pm on a Friday and lets herself in
Well there's your first problem - that can be easily solved by changing the locks and not giving her a key.
I'm sure she can adjust her journey to arrive AFTER you get home?

Your second problem is being a doormat and not asserting yourself.
"MIL - DO NOT COOK ANYTHING! I have it sorted and dinner is at X time...by all means make yourself a sandwich or eat before you arrive if that doesn't work for you"

Your third problem - how often doe she 'visit' and for how long?
If this is a regular thing then you're enabling it.

InACheeseAndPickle · 18/11/2019 20:23

The language police are getting out of control. People use different turns of phrase some of it will sound twee to you, just like other people will think you sound like a twat with some of your expressions but you don't need to constantly point out that someone's used a phrase you don't like ("my little family", etc). Also My kitchen is appropriate here because it is her bloody kitchen MiL has her own kitchen in her own house.

TheOliphantintheRoom · 18/11/2019 20:52

Arf at "language police"

JusticeForSandra · 19/11/2019 09:50

Why the fuck are people now deciding when is an appropriate time for other people to eat their dinner?
nothing to do with appropriate, all to do with practicalities.

YOU might give breakfast to your kids at 10:30am for your own reasons, but unless someone is a SAH parent home-schooling their kids, no one else CAN do the same: kids already at school, and most parents already at work.

Same thing.

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