To worry that I haven't got a career and that I'm unemployable at 40

[CareerCrisisAt40]

I am 40 in a few days

I've been lucky, dh is a fairly high earner so I've not had to work much since I started having dc at 26. I have 3, they're 13, 10 and 5

I do work...I have had a self employed cleaning business for 9 years but basically I do 3 to 4 hours a day and earn about £200 a week which is nothing to some people on here I know. But it pays for our fun stuff as a family and covers kids clothes and stuff

I love my job and my clients but tbh I'm starting to feel like a bit of a failure. I started doing the cleaning just to fit around the children, I didn't envisage doing it at this age. No career or proper job at 40, it's a bit tragic really isn't it 😢

I see my friends going off doing high flying jobs despite having dc and I just feel like my cleaning work is a bit pathetic. I also worry as being self employed I've got no workplace pension so I need to consider that.

I literally do not know what to do with the rest of my life. I don't know where to start, I just feel a bit lost. My work before dc was just office work. I've also worked at home start recently as a volunteer home visitor supporting families, I loved that but quit as I ended up falling out with my manager 🤦‍♀️

Not even sure what the point of this post is tbh

yanbu to want more.

you have gained a lots of skills running this business. now that the kids are older you can apply this to doing something more fulfilling. what kind of thing do you actually enjoy doing? you could start a business related to that? you don't need to be an employee to have a successful career, but you do need to start putting serious £££ into a personal pension or other investments.

It isn't a competition. You run your own business and have a secure financial situation from the sounds of it

Would volunteering help you feel more satisfied until you work out what path you want to follow? (if any)

You could specialise in a specific type of cleaning if you don’t want to start from scratch. For example there are a number of local cleaning businesses who specialise in the cleaning of crime scenes - and while there’s a lot of business for all of them (close to London) the ones run by women tend to be the most highly sought after.

Hi op, didn't want to read and run. It sounds like you've lost yourself a little bit, it happens to many of us when the children reach the ages your are, whether we have high flying careers or not.
I know it doesn't feel like it now but you are in a good position: you are married so have financial security in the event anything happens to your relationship. You have at least 20 years of working life ahead of you, plenty of time to choose, study for and enjoy a career, if that's what you want. The hardest childcare juggling years are behind you.
Why not give yourself a year to think about what you'd do if you could do anything? Then start making that happen.
Good luck!

One suggestion I'd make that you could think about, is how you could develop the services you offer to people busy enough to want a cleaner. Perhaps talk to your current clients about other things they wish someone could help them with, or that they never have enough time to sort out? I'm wondering about housekeeping / organisational stuff, admin? I agree with others that you sound to be in a good position to just quietly keep things ticking over while you think about things to add or ways to expand, without rushing into "I've got to do this". Good luck!

If you love your job and your clients it sounds like you’ve already made good choices. If you want more money and to feel more ‘career-ish’ could you expand your business and maybe employ someone? Cleaners are really hard to find where I live.

You could build on and expand your cleaning business. Take on some employees. You say you have good clients so there are your initial contacts right there. You could to employ parents who are looking for work that fits around family life, or students looking for part time work etc. You could even expand to do light decorating, diy and gardening further down the line. I think that could be really rewarding and make you feel like you have more of a 'career' than you have now. Studying is always good whether for career progression or not. Maybe look at OU courses or do some part time courses, languages etc, learn to play an instrument etc. Any self improvement will give you that boost you're looking for. Best of luck.

You sound very successful, it’s it at all easy to run your own business. You could develop your business further if you wanted to, build on the skills you clearly have. Being self employed (if successful) is incredibly rewarding.

I earn around £200 a week, I absolutely love my job and it gives me great flexibility and a good work/life balance but it is In a sector frequently sneered at on Mumsnet (retail) but I feel ‘successful’ in myself. I’ve had much better paid jobs in the past ... but I am perfectly content now.

Well done for managing to keep a business running for 9 years. That certainly isn't easy.

It's fine to want something different - life changes and so do we. But don't look on your time as a failure, focus on what you have achieved and build upon that going forward.

Would it be feasible to go back to school? Maybe look at some business courses to help you expand your current business, or re-train altogether? 40 isn't too late.

It's true that it isn't a competition, you're not a failure - you run a profitable business which allows you to take above minimum wage - that's more than a lot of entrepreneurs can say - most businesses fold within the first year and you've run one profitably for 9 years!

Look at it that way - and if you want to, also look at those as very marketable skills...

It is also true that

You have 28 years of working life left - 40 is no longer unemployable, it's at 55+ that people struggle most to find work due to age.

You are right to think about pension

You are right to value independence

You absolutely can retrain at 40 and immediately following graduation/ qualification you will be very employable, it's only with a big gap between education/ work and applying for jobs that people become unemployable.

Now is the perfect time to think about what you want to do. Do you have a degree? Do you want one? (It will be hard but not impossible to do a degree without stopping cleaning - I did a degree starting with 3 children of late primary school age, whilst working 20 hours. It's very hard time wise to juggle but it is possible).

Alternatively ramp your cleaning business up, work more hours, employ people, get to the stage where you hire office space in a cooworking space and don't clean yourself any more, branch out into cleaning offices as well as homes, win big contracts for your team's of cleaners or specialise in high end, reliable, insured, friendly, top quality house cleaning - add in spring/ moving cleans by teams of cleaners, advertise - become a business woman not a cleaner, if the label is important...

Just wanted to quickly say thanks for the replies, I'm just at work !

I will reply properly when I get home 💐

@GrumpyHoonMain

I'm in a Facebook group for cleaners and some do crime scene cleaning! It's very well paid but not for me I think I'd find it upsetting

I do already clean offices (as well as houses) and this time last year I was super busy so I got a couple of self employed cleaners. but omg the headache of it was unreal. One of them was utterly shit and long story short I ended up losing my most profitable client. And the additional paperwork it required I found very stressful and hard to cope with. Also the lines of legitimacy when using self employed contractors are very dicey and I didn't want to end up in trouble with hmrc.

And To the posters suggesting I study...I have thought about it.

a couple of years ago when I worked (well, volunteered) at home start, I considered going into social work. But I remember attending a multi disciplinary training course on child safety and it was full of student social workers that all looked about 11 years old and I felt ancient, I thought fuck that I cannot compete with people half my age.

I've no real qualifications a handful of GCSEs and 3 a levels but obvs they're over 20 years old.

I dunno I just feel a bit of a failure atm ...I have a good lifestyle and a lovely house that my friends envy. but tbh i feel a fraud I haven't got it through my own merits it's cos of DH salary we could buy it. I feel ashamed I've not paid towards it I don't even pay anything towards the mortgage.

Sorry this is such a rambling post 🤦‍♀️😩

Try and expand to cleaning more stuff, employing staff etc.

Agree with PP you have already successfully run a business for many years. Great to reflect on what you want to add to the mix and how you go about making it happen.

I earn around £200 a week, I absolutely love my job and it gives me great flexibility and a good work/life balance but it is In a sector frequently sneered at on Mumsnet (retail) but I feel ‘successful’ in myself. I’ve had much better paid jobs in the past ... but I am perfectly content now.

How do you keep yourself (and your family?) on £200 a week?

But you have contributed through your own merits both by raising a family and running a home and running your cleaning business. You should be proud of yourself for doing all of that. If you are interested in studying look into access to Higher education courses and open university.

Could you do some studying through futurelearn or coursera on line and often free?
Develop your business to include decluttering etc?
Go and visit your local college to see what they offer.

Did you ever go to University? I'm a cleaner and I'm a few years older than you but I didn't want to carry on doing it forever so I'm retraining to a career which I will start when I'm nearly 50. I used to feel upset that I didn't have a career but I'm glad now because I hadn't been to university before, I had the funding available to me.

I am basically you! Had my first child at 26 and last at 36 (I have 4). I do my husbands accounts and bits of admin for his buisness but I haven't had a career of my own. I did a degree twenty years ago but it was in the arts and it didn't lead anywhere. I wasn't focused enough and then the dc arrived. It sounds like you have tried expanding your buisness by hiring people but it didn't work out. Do you think you need a change? A new direction? Maybe its time to start a new buisness? Is there anything that interests you? You coukd do a course. It could be online. Open university. Just a day/night once a week thing. Think about jobs you might like and find out how to get there. 40 is a great decade I think. We can re-make ourselves at 40. Nothing is impossible! I would get a note book and start jotting down ideas. Research. There must be something you love. Do that thing!

Well done for managing to keep a business running for 9 years

^that^

I can assure you that many people who have professional/high flying jobs would not have the self discipline, structure and focus to keep motivated enough to achieve that.

Don’t see yourself as a failure, see these years as your ability to keep yourself employed in something that served your needs and those of your family, and as a stepping stone to something bigger.

How do you keep yourself (and your family?) on £200 a week?

It’s right there in the OP - not sure how anyone can have missed it as it’s the whole point of the post, really

OP, what would your ideal job be?

tbh i feel a fraud I haven't got it through my own merits it's cos of DH salary we could buy it. I feel ashamed I've not paid towards it I don't even pay anything towards the mortgage.

You pay towards family finances at £800 a month. It’s pretty irrelevant whose £800 pays the mortgage and whose pays the clothes bill and whose pays the food shopping - you’re married, you both pay towards all those things.

In addition, your high-earning DH couldn’t work without childcare and other domestic services you have provided. So there’s your contribution - it’s as much on your merits as his.

If your family finances can afford it - even if you need to reprioritise a bit - then as a family you should be paying into a pension for you as well as your DH. Don’t leave yourself at a disadvantage because of child-rearing years.

Make a plan to work towards - you’ve got at least 20+ years of working life before retirement, and you are in a fortunate position that you can go in whatever direction you please because no one is relying on your current salary. Embrace it!

My SIL started an OU degree at 40 after leaving school at 16. By 47 she had an Honours degree. She then had to get some more essential qualifications and apply for teacher training.

She turned 50 recently and is currently a probationer teacher.