To worry that I haven't got a career and that I'm unemployable at 40

[CareerCrisisAt40]

I am 40 in a few days

I've been lucky, dh is a fairly high earner so I've not had to work much since I started having dc at 26. I have 3, they're 13, 10 and 5

I do work...I have had a self employed cleaning business for 9 years but basically I do 3 to 4 hours a day and earn about £200 a week which is nothing to some people on here I know. But it pays for our fun stuff as a family and covers kids clothes and stuff

I love my job and my clients but tbh I'm starting to feel like a bit of a failure. I started doing the cleaning just to fit around the children, I didn't envisage doing it at this age. No career or proper job at 40, it's a bit tragic really isn't it 😢

I see my friends going off doing high flying jobs despite having dc and I just feel like my cleaning work is a bit pathetic. I also worry as being self employed I've got no workplace pension so I need to consider that.

I literally do not know what to do with the rest of my life. I don't know where to start, I just feel a bit lost. My work before dc was just office work. I've also worked at home start recently as a volunteer home visitor supporting families, I loved that but quit as I ended up falling out with my manager 🤦‍♀️

Not even sure what the point of this post is tbh

Do they still do Access to Social Work courses? I know there is a Health and Social work course - something to explore?

I was where you were a few years ago so I went back to college at 42 and have since started my own business. It's the best thing ever (I won't get rich anytime soon but I am happy). If you are not happy with your business, is retraining something you could do?

OP I have been in that situation too. DH is a high earner, I was looking after kids and doing voluntary work - quite responsible roles but didn’t pay a penny, at least you have been running a business!
At 45 I started to feel I had wasted my career and everyone else was doing high flying jobs.

I eased myself into things by doing some courses - there was one excellent course I did specifically aimed at mums returning to work or running a small business, they gave me CV advice etc, could you see if there’s anything like that near you? Or a careers coach?

I also did some other courses in subjects that interested me, to keep me busy / build my confidence / give me ideas of what to do next.
I started applying for jobs and now have an Admin role, it’s not some amazing high flying job but at least it’s got me back into the workplace and given me a lot of confidence - like you I thought I was too old and they would want younger people, but as it turns out they actually wanted someone a bit more mature / experienced who could deal calmly with a variety of situations. So being middle-aged is not necessarily a bad thing. Also I have managed the work quite easily so I have not lost my skills.

It’s a bit depressing earning less money than I did when I was 30, but I also have a wonderful happy family to show for it and I don’t think I would change things.

Also re the financial contribution to the house - your contributions are just as valid, I doubt your husband would be earning his salary if he also had to do all the childcare!!

I think we still have many years of working ahead of us, so don’t give up yet. Your business sounds like a great achievement but if you really want a change I would say now is a good time to go for it. As others have said 40 is still very employable but I think 55 or so is tricker.

Also a small thing, you probably know, but check all your NI contributions are paid up so your state pension is secure.

Good luck with your next steps

How do you keep yourself (and your family?) on £200 a week?

The OP has a DH who is on a good wage but even if he didn't lots of people earn £200 a week, it's not that shocking.

If you enjoyed home start work can you work out what it was about it you enjoyed? And what about your manager you didn't!

There are lots or roles in early years if it's the kids bit you liked or doing family support if it was the helping...maybe look at local children centres/local authority websites.. see if there's a toy library or advice centre maybe volunteer to start...

It’s right there in the OP - not sure how anyone can have missed it as it’s the whole point of the post, really confused

I wasn't quoting the OP!
I was quoting the poster Ragwort? I direct quoted in bold from their post.

The OP has a DH who is on a good wage but even if he didn't lots of people earn £200 a week, it's not that shocking.

The quote wasn't from the OP it was from ragwort who said, I earn around £200 a week, I absolutely love my job and it gives me great flexibility and a good work/life balance but it is In a sector frequently sneered at on Mumsnet (retail) but I feel ‘successful’ in myself. I’ve had much better paid jobs in the past ... but I am perfectly content now.

I started a social work degree in September, I also work 20 hours a week in ASDA and have 4 children. It's hard work and I feel like crying some days but it's so fulfilling and I know I will have a career at the end of it. I really wouldn't worry about being the oldest. In my class of 30 people I would say 25 of them are all mid 30's with children themselves.
If it is something you are interested in go for it 100%.

Ah, apologies space! The figures were so similar to the OP. Have slapped my own wrist for being the one who didn’t read properly!

My aunt had four children and did a degree when they were all about that age, two degrees actually - open university then at 45 got a job as a geologist and was quite high flying.
You can certainly start studying now with a view to a career when they are established at school.

I understand why you might want to do something different, but honestly £800 pcm is nothing to be sniffed at, you absolutely have been contributing to the mortgage etc. Would it help to reframe your thinking - so ‘I am a business woman, with a successful business’ Which you are!

It depends on how much of a high earner he is, could you completely live off his income for the foreseeable future or would finances be tight?

If you can survive with him being the sole earner then you’re in an enviable position really, as you can do whatever you want in terms of education or self employment without needing to consider ‘survival’ as you’re already set.

Yes, let’s be honest, you’re not going to have a normal educational/career progression starting from scratch at 40, but you have the freedom to experiment and follow your dreams.

Be careful what you wish for. I think you are totally underestimating both the successful of your self employment, but, more importantly, the value of being around so much for your children. I was a bit embarrassed by my lack of career at 39. I paid myself through a masters and got two promotions to a better paid job in the field I already worked. At first I was all chuffed with myself and how well I had done. After a while I started to feel really strung out about what a stressful job I have and how crap it is to be working 35 hours a week just so I can prove I have a career. On most days of the week I feel I would gladly go back to my stress-free low paid PT job and do a better job of things at home. Not trying to dampen your spirits but the grass isn’t always greener.

Your husband is a higher earner, so could you do without your income for a while and do a course in something you love, then change careers.

I would love the freedom to do this. But the mortgage gets on the way. You are lucky not to have that concern, the world is at your fingertips☺️

I think perhaps you need to work out whether you actually want to re-train, get a different job etc. or whether you just feel you should...

If you love your job and your customers, live in a lovely home and have a happy family life then honestly you've achieved more than most of us and you should give yourself every credit for that.

If you feel genuinely unfulfilled then that's completely different.

Could a life coach or careers advisor help you to work out which it is?

I am roughly the same age as you and have 2 younger children. I have several degrees and a relatively well paid professional job. Honestly, I'm knackered and stressed most of the time and honestly I think I'd be a rubbish SAHM otherwise I'd do that! I do like my job, but I probably don't get any more sense of pleasure or purpose out of it than you do out of yours. Quite possibly less.

I doubt any of your friends or family think about your CV. My friends certainly have very little interest in my career, my closest friend is a SAHM and we still have plenty to talk avout - I am completely in awe of her tbh.

Why not expand your business? I've really struggled to find a good cleaner, there's a real need for reliable trustworthy cleaners

@stilltiredinthemorning

That is a very interesting point. Part of it is cos I feel I "should" , definitely. I just feel at 40 I should have a career, as much as I enjoy cleaning I just didn't envisage doing it at 40. And I don't want to end up at 50, still doing it and then have even less choices.

I have a good balance, I work in school hours and usually finish an hour or 2 before school run. So I quickly clean my own house or do laundry / tidy / sort stuff etc. Then I can collect the dc and I help them with homework and reading etc.

We also have absolutely no family support, no one helps us with the dc. so if I did work more, any childcare would have to be outsourced and obvs paid for. So this is one of the reasons I initially started doing cleaning work.

@Lhastingsmua

He earns about 55k. So not a fortune but we are in the midlands and have relatively small mortgage so we would probably be ok without my money but I would also worry about paying back any student loans if I did study. Imagine getting in massive debt then not even finding a job after it all or if I started the course and didn't like it 🤦‍♀️

Just want to say thanks again for all the lovely and helpful replies sorry I've not replied to all individual posters but I've read them all and really appreciate it.

I honestly thought people would be horrible to me as I'm aware it's a bit first world problems

Mumsnet at its best 💐

I think you are in a great position to try new things. Why don't you volunteer in a few roles? If you have considered social care, maybe a local care home?

Don't think of it as you've put nothing into the family, you have been raising your children and built a successful business which is brilliant! It's a team effort!

Good luck op, keep us updated!

Hi op
I've been a self employed cleaner for ten years and earn 9k a year. Most of the houses I clean are farms!
I'm 48 and single.
I'm nneb qualified but after working in schools and nurseries I earn more with what I'm doing now,though no pension. It also fits around my son who has asd as I work school hours.
I was looking at college courses yesterday actually,but really just stuck with what to do. I enjoy my work and have had my regular clients for so long but can I see myself doing this in another ten years?!
May go back to nannying when son is a little older but in the meantime I'm over paying my mortgage like a woman possessed and that should finish in two years,then maybe get a lodger so can get some savings

CareerCrisis, 40 is young. Look at all you've accomplished so far -- three kids, household management AND a successful business for nine years.
You say you love your work as a cleaner. Have you heard of Marie Kondo and Matt Paxton? These are people who have made massive careers from cleaning and organising. There are also people who specialise in dealing with deceased estates, cleaning the house for sale and dispersing items to relatives or for sale or donation. I'd say this sort of work is now a profession unto itself -- and you are right in the thick of it, ready to take it to the next level.
If you decide to stay in cleaning, I'd like to suggest you set up a website and start writing some interesting content that will be reposted. You have lots of experience to draw on, and you can write; your OP proves it. So get into it properly, write articles for a site of your own and spread them around so that media come to you for comment and feature stories.
Suggest you look at an Australian website, cansol.com.au, for a case study of a company that has diversified from cleaning. I'm in Australia, and there's huge interest here in professional cleaning and decluttering.
You've hit the Zeitgeist -- now go with it!
Unless, of course, you want a completely new career, in which case I suggest OU or Coursera to start your study.
You can pay your way through with cleaning

You're a businesswoman who has brought in a steady income whilst bringing up 3 children. You've built a business while supporting a DH with a (presumably) fairly demanding job, provided a safe, happy, (presumably!) clean home for your family and become an entrepreneur in the meantime, bringing in a salary that has afforded your family many perks that they would not otherwise have enjoyed.
What's not 'career' about that? Because you don't work in an office?
Can you bring in more clients and find fellow staff to bring in freelance to deliver for those clients? Boom - you have a cleaning agency.

Lots of people who rush off to busy career office jobs are bored stiff doing fairly meaningless paper pushing - how rewarding is that compared to making someone feel peace and happiness when they have returned home after you've been to clean? How essential is your service to your clients, many of whom will be working families.

40 is young. Build your job into a business; now is your chance. Good luck!

You are not a failure, like other pp you have ran a successful business for 9 yrs, be proud of it and why not grow it a bit more.
Have ran a business for 10, one thing to consider and you have touched on it already, that think twice about staff. It's my only regret, that is starting to employ. I wish we'd have kept it simply enough to manage without them.

Out of all the stresses and challenges being self employed brings thus has been by far the worst. Just keep it for yourself but try and challenge yourself more some How.

I earned about what you earn in a part-time office role until my youngest heat was 5, then (at 40) I moved into a more challenging role 3 days a week. At 41 I still have plans to study, I am not ready at the moment but it’s never too late!. If you still fancy social work don’t let age put you off. There are many forty somethings training and it’s a career where life experience is considered helpful. Alternatively you could look for an office role on a social work team, and restart volunteering - some councils offer a step up to social work programme once you have had enough experience. I think you should have proud of what you have achieved - running your own business while being around for the kids is nothing to be sniffed at.