To ask why people find me strange?

[IAmCabbageDear]

No question that they do, I see it in their faces all the time (I work with the public every day)

I'm not attractive but I am polite and kind, very empathetic.. does that make me strange?

A performance you say? Are you reeling off scripted stuff that you say a million times a day, does it sound fake to them perhaps? Like really overly friendly?

It's absolutely impossible for us to tell why they are doing it unless you upload a video of yourself doing it or let one of us watch you in person.

Maybe you come off as very strained, maybe you trample on social cues, maybe you're excessively eager to please, maybe this is all your self-consciousness and they aren't amused at all. But if you don't know, we can't know without the chance to actually observe.

Ask a friend who actually knows you what they think it might be.

I think you sound bloody lovely!

Are you happy in your job?

Impossible to judge without actually seeing you. We don't even know what you actually do!

Maybe you look very young, maybe you are very cute, maybe the content of your interaction is strange - nothing to do with you as a person - , maybe you are completely imagining it.

You and me both, OP. I've got to an age now where I've realised I have better things to worry about. If they have an issue with me as I am, that's their problem.

Those who matter won't mind, and those who mind don't matter.

You do you.

I get this a lot. Could never work out why, why I came across as weird, why I never fitted in. Then I read about ASD in women and suddenly I knew why! The whole ‘acting with people’ sounds like the masking I do.
Got diagnosed at 34. I’m still conscious that I don’t fit in socially most places, especially at work. I’ll admit it still upsets me at times but I recognise it as being part of being autistic and chose to spend my free time with people who value me.

I've always felt like this OP as a child i was convinced noone liked me even though i had friends. My son says the same thing.

Turns out we are both autistic. So now i'm not sure if i was misreading them or i am weird. probably both!

I have a friend who thinks this and there's honestly nothing strange about her. When people cant stop thinking how others percieve them, surely its a form of self obsession.

@FaithInfinity cross post! :-)

Because you are cabbage, dear.

But, jokes aside, why worry? Imagine if they thought you were 'normal'. How tedious.

Lots of people think I'm odd. Probably because I am a bit, I'm quite socially awkward.

It doesn't really matter though, at the end of the day I am who I am and can't change that. No one on MN can say really what, if anything, people find odd, so I'd just continue to be you and stop worrying about it.

I reckon tbh if your self-conscious that'll show and its potentially that, if you aren't confident in what you say that gives people the impression that what you are saying is somehow wrong. If you are confident in yourself and confident in what you say then people just assume whatever you are saying is normal

We may not be the best people to ask. There is a air chance that more than a few of us are also a bit strange, which is why we spend so much time here!
We also can't see or hear you. Is there someone approachable who you could ask if there is something "off" about your manner, how you speak etc? As much as anyone here might like to, they can't possibly give you a good answer, because as far as we know, none of us has met you.

Is your accent very different from that of most of the people you interact with?

My grandma used to to say (word then hD a different connotation)

"All the world but me and thee is queer and even thee's a little queer"

Op I often get that look but its because (I think) I have a strong accent and people don't expect it when I open my mouth. I also think as people aren't used to my accent it takes them a while to understand me. I tend to talk fast but have slowed down loads.

Do you feel that people who you interact with more often also find you 'odd'? That would be more telling imo.

I think you might be in the wrong job. Can you find one that better suits your levels of empathy?

You might not have found where you fit quite yet. I am currently seen as a bit odd at my work. I know it’s because I don’t fit there, rather than because I an genuinely strange. I fitted in much better in a previous role and felt very at home. But I do a good job, so I don’t really care.

Just read your update- What accent do you have that makes you sound 'uneducated'?

What makes you feel that people think you are odd? You say you work with the public, maybe it’s your role that people don’t like rather than you as an individual? Do you have an ‘unpopular’ job like a doctor’s receptionist, tax collector, benefits advisor etc?

I could be completely off the mark, but I have found that the people I know who describe themselves as empathetic are sometimes less empathetic than they think they are. It sometimes appears as though what they are doing is projecting their feelings onto other people and then reading them back. They often come across as quite 'full on.'

Could you try reeling it in a bit and see what happens when you give people space to feel what they are feeling without necessarily attempting to emphasise with and interpret it?

@SpockPaperScissorsLizardRock you sound just like me. I've always felt different and poles apart from everyone else. Like OP said, I'm also kind and considerate but still feel like others notice I'm odd. One thing I do notice a lot is that people try to avoid my eyes in the way that they look away if I try to make eye contact. I don't know if I'm looking at them too intensely even though I don't mean to. I used to hate feeling this way in my teens and 20s but now don't care one bit what people think.

i just accept its who i am .I try to be empathetic but suck at it,I try to be nice,i speak as educated as i can yet i am a oddball people avoid.

Sometimes you just have to accept whats normal for you

I hear you OP. I’m strange, I’ll be deemed a freak to most people. I have some best friends who know what I’m like and accept me, even love me for it. Thankfully. But the majority of people I can’t click with, I know they find me strange. I am strange. I find them fucking strange!

I’ve got a strange friend. I find her charming and easy to talk to but she’s definitely quite odd. It’s not a negative. I could give you a list of why and everyone would say “but that sounds fine, I/my mum/my neighbour does that and it’s perfectly normal” but in person this friend is odd.

It’s a combination of many subtle things I find.

Do you have a lazy eye? Its disconcerting as people don’t know where to focus their gaze.
It’d guess it’s probably something to do with talking too fast or too slow. The people who get “ looks” normally ramble on a bit too.
And laughing at nothing.People who laugh at “ themselves” ( not self depreciation) are pretty annoying. Very awkward talking to someone who keeps laughing at their own jokes when they havenk’t said anything actually funny.