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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to want 9 months maternity leave?

100 replies

Niki93 · 17/11/2019 19:46

Hi there.

Im 15 weeks pregnant with my first pregnancy. Im 26 years old and work full time in a fairly emotionally draining and stressfull job. Me and my boyfriend sat down to discuss how il use maternity leave and we both decided it would be great for me to take 9 months off. This would consist of the first 5 months on full pay (my employers policy states this for my length of service) the last 4 months on SMP. We’ve already saved up alot together to make sure we have enough financial stability to tie us over those last few months on SMP which is fairly low income. I wanted to take 9 months to make the most of bonding with the baby etc. However, certain friends and family have made comments suggesting we’re being unrealistic by wanting that much time off work and that we wont be able to afford it as we need to oay our mortgage etc. Boyfriend works full time and is supportive for me to take the 9 months while he works. We’re fairly sensible with money, always have been. Am i being unrealistic wanting that much time off? What are other peoples experience of maternity leave? What is the average amount of leave to take for most women in the uk?

OP posts:

IncrediblySadToo · 17/11/2019 21:10

You both sound sensible and more importantly both in the same page AND seeing bills & childcare as joint expenses (not all men do)

I assume family are just concerned about you being ok and possibly about your employer being ok about it- maybe they’re a little out of touch with what most women do now. Barely anyone goes back befire a year now (with maternity leave & annual leave).

Take as much time as you can - and ENJOY it! 🌷

haveuheard · 17/11/2019 21:11

5 months full pay is amazing! Most people just get SMP so family might wonder how you will cover that much of an income shortfall although they are very rude to say so!

LeekMunchingSheepShagger · 17/11/2019 21:12

I don't know anyone who's taken less than a year.

LunchBoxPolice · 17/11/2019 21:13

9 months isn’t long at all in the grand scheme of things. Do what is right for your family.

happytoday73 · 17/11/2019 21:13

Do what's right for you and your circumstances. Everyone had there own ax to grind!
Another thing to consider is your holidays... You can either tag that on end or use that as some of 9 months... So less time on SMP.
To be honest childcare is so expensive some people find it better to stretch out as long as possible.

Don't forget you will also get family allowance dependent on wages so that is a little more each month.

sewinginscotland · 17/11/2019 21:15

YABU for assuming mat leave is stress free. I've had 13 months with a staunch nap refuser and it's been very trying. I wouldn't have gone back to work sooner for the world though!

Otherwise, you sound like you've got a very good plan financially - that's what I did, save for the months I would get reduced or no pay. I've found that I spend a lot more on mat leave when I did at work because I like to get out and about every day (plus I still eat lunch exactly like I would at work).

missanony · 17/11/2019 21:17

I found that I spent less on maternity - no commute, no evenings out, no work lunches etc

I used holiday up to my due date and for the last bit before I returned. If you’ve done a realistic budget then you’ll know it you can afford it.

If I did it again I’d want the full year off

LionelRitchieStoleMyNotebook · 17/11/2019 21:19

Don't forget you accrue annual leave while on maternity, I took nine months mat leave by saving up in advance plus mat pay, then another month and a half annual leave on full pay, my annual leave is very generous and they let me roll some over from the pay year my mat leave started, luckily I've still got plenty to take before the end of our leave year!

GettingABitDesperateNow · 17/11/2019 21:21

It's always best to plan to take the maximum you can afford then go back earlier if you arent enjoying it or cant afford it. I've never heard of anyone regretting taking the time out they did.

Also I found spending went down when I was off - less lunches on the go, travel card for work, nights out etc (although some people go mad on baby groups and spend more)

LionelRitchieStoleMyNotebook · 17/11/2019 21:21

Although I didn't take any before, because I went into labour early and had been working the day I had DS so that will have an impact too, if you end up going on mat leave two weeks before due date then going two weeks over.

GettingABitDesperateNow · 17/11/2019 21:21

You can also do some kit days if you run out of cash

JusticeForSandra · 17/11/2019 21:22

I don't know anyone who's taken less than a year.

same here.

Every woman starts their maternity leave differently - from being off nearly 2 months before the birth to working until your water break basically, so the length on the other side varies, but everybody I know took a full year.

It's more fathers who struggle a bit, when a birth is not straight forward and they basically spend an entire week in hospital with induction and so on, that's half their paternity leave gone before the baby arrives.

BikeRunSki · 17/11/2019 21:25

If you can afford it, then do it. Looking after a young baby need not be at all expensive. Our lender allowed us to have a “mortgage holiday” both times I was on ML, where we just needed to pay interest, which earned out the time/funds for mat leave.

BikeRunSki · 17/11/2019 21:25

*eeked, not earned

PepePig · 17/11/2019 21:33

I took a year and mine was entirely SMP/a few weeks totally unpaid. You just have to trim your finances down and cut back on needless things/luxuries. I wouldn't have given my time off for all the money in the world.

museumum · 17/11/2019 21:46

I’m self employed and took six months but started back very part time and flexibly.
Everyone else I knew from baby groups took a year.

iolaus · 17/11/2019 21:47

A lot of people with older children took less because the standard leave was less - with my girls (17 and 19) it was 4 months - I did go back (as did everyone I worked with) at that point (I think you could extend a little but unpaid and fairly sure it wasn't a year) - I did find it a little too soon with my second but OK with my first.
With my third it had gone up to 6 months so had that off
With my youngest it is the same as now - financially though I ended up going back after about 7 months - I was getting to the point of not wanting to go back - I think had I taken the full year if I could have afforded it I wouldn't have gone back at all

msflibble · 17/11/2019 21:49

Good lord. Imagine a woman wanting to spend as much as time as possible with her tiny baby? Whatever is the world coming to?

All joking aside OP, some people, especially older generations, have some very odd ideas about raising kids. My dad told me to leave my 10 day old daughter to cry it out as he said it'd be good for her.

Ignore them. It'll be lovely for your child to have you close for so long. If it's what you and your man want, who cares what anybody else thinks?

Kaboni19 · 17/11/2019 22:04

You are most definitely not being unreasonable. When I went on Mat leave my employer didn't have anything extra on offer so SMP it was and I stupidly didn't save meaning that things were very tight and I had to return early.
Luckily I was able to work and be with my child.
If you can afford it then I don't see why not and I think those advising you against aren't thinking straight.
It sounds like you have the choice to enjoy your maternity to the fullest rather being worried and stress for money like most so do it. You will be so grateful to have that time with your baby. They grow so quickly the first 12 months. Enjoy

namestar · 17/11/2019 22:10

11 months both times - remember you accrue a/l and most companies allow you to tag this on at the end. This allowed me to 'earn' whilst having a further 6 weeks or so off.

Original poster

Niki93 · 17/11/2019 22:21

I really am appreciating all the comments in this post guys. I’ve probably just been over-thinking it since its my first pregnancy and i have no idea what the ‘norm’ is. But i am aware everyone is different and i have to be confident in the fact me and my boyfriend can make our own decisions. We bought our first house aged 24 so we definitely have experience in how to save/priortise spending, so im sure we can easily do it again with a baby.

Like some have mentioned, ive realised il likely spend less whilst on maternity, il be saving milage not driving to work and back everyday, i wont be paying for the tyne tunnel pass either, plus we live in a lovely catchment area on a beach with lots of parks which cost nothing to go to, its definitely managable when we put our noggings together and plan it well. Once this baby arrives it will be the centre of our world and our jobs will be more so just ‘to pay bills’. I probably wont take more than 9 months as i couldnt afford the last 3 months unpaid. But i am aware i accrue my annual leave so il be using that too before returning part time. Less income yes, but we’ll have or lovely son/daughter who will be worth more than any amount of money. Thank you everyone. Ive definitely got a backbone, so il be putting it to use in the near future the next time anyone questions our maternity leave plan!

OP posts:

Settlersofcatan · 18/11/2019 06:45

I wonder if it's because you're fairly young?

I think this is a stage of life where you'll be gradually getting used to your major decisions being for you and your partner not your family and your family will need to start getting used to that too.

BackforGood · 18/11/2019 16:47

I don't know anyone who's taken less than a year.

I bet you do, unless you don't know any mothers who had their dc before the last few years (colleagues, your own parents, neighbours, friends, cousins, Aunties, etc etc)

Mia1415 · 18/11/2019 17:03

YANBU I took 6 months off as it was all I could afford and everyone was telling me how awful it was and how I should take a year off!

One thing you quickly learn as a parent is that there is always someone with an opinion on everything you do!

NoSquirrels · 18/11/2019 17:13

We’ve both accepted we’ll definitely have to take a big cut for those last 4 months, hence why we are putting extra money away now to make up for it/make it work.

Take as long as you want as long as you can afford it. Don’t get into debt for the sake of a few months, but if you can plan for it you’ll be fine.

Instead of thinking about it as x months being skint, what I’d do is add up the total pay you’ll get (first 5 months plus SMP for 4 months), divide by 9 to get your average income per month, and then figure out how much you can save in the next 6 months to add to that. Then you’ll have a consistent budget - and it will probably help with the back-to-work & childcare budget too if you’re used to living on less.

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