AIBU to want 9 months maternity leave?

[Niki93]

Hi there.

Im 15 weeks pregnant with my first pregnancy. Im 26 years old and work full time in a fairly emotionally draining and stressfull job. Me and my boyfriend sat down to discuss how il use maternity leave and we both decided it would be great for me to take 9 months off. This would consist of the first 5 months on full pay (my employers policy states this for my length of service) the last 4 months on SMP. We’ve already saved up alot together to make sure we have enough financial stability to tie us over those last few months on SMP which is fairly low income. I wanted to take 9 months to make the most of bonding with the baby etc. However, certain friends and family have made comments suggesting we’re being unrealistic by wanting that much time off work and that we wont be able to afford it as we need to oay our mortgage etc. Boyfriend works full time and is supportive for me to take the 9 months while he works. We’re fairly sensible with money, always have been. Am i being unrealistic wanting that much time off? What are other peoples experience of maternity leave? What is the average amount of leave to take for most women in the uk?

YANBU, just tell them that it’s your business and that you’re not stupid and have worked it out. Everyone is different and some people save money for ML or make cutbacks, and others won’t. You are very lucky to get 5 months at full pay so make the most of it and take as much as you want to.

Most women I know have taken 9-12 months ML depending on if they could afford the last unpaid bit. A couple went back at 6 weeks due to their jobs.

I had to take ML 2 months before the birth due to SPD. I could have had sick pay for a month but chose not to. I still took 12 months off after the birth then went back part time. We made massive cutbacks to afford it.

i took a year,
they are so much more fun/rewarding 6 months+, and at 9 months just adorable.

I took a year off both times. My employer (public sector) pays just over the legal minimum and I basically used up my life (so far) savings. I decided it was worth it and for me it was. Both of mine are in school now and I am still reeling financially. I would have taken more time off had it been possible.

9 months is fine! They dont know your finances but you do. I hadn't realised that I would accrue holidays and was able to take them all at the end of maternity leave (so I had 8 months of maternity leave and an additional month in holidays so 9 months off total). May be worth checking if this is feasible to donate your work.

I'm assuming you're entitled to a year so could take a couple of months unpaid if you wanted too?
I know finances are scary too, but if you feel you can manage then ignore everyone's comments. I find a lot come from jealousy at them not being able to have the same options.

You will also find when baby is here and you're on full pay, you wont end up spending half as much (I.e. fuel and food at work etc) so you can continue saving a little.
I'll be taking just under 14 months (6 full, 3smp, 3unpaid and then backdated annual leave and bank holidays). Although finances will start to get tight.. I actually wouldn't swap it for anything

Surely you won't have cost of childcare, travel to work etc so it won't be such a massive hit?

I could only take 6mths. Being off work only saved me £120 a month in travel but reduced my income by half. And of course there was extra heating etc as I was home all day.

Everyone I knew took a year. And then went on at me about how I'd want longer once baby was here, no matter how many times I explained that I had no choice financially and that I would love longer if I could afford it. Being pregnant is often an excuse for other people to stick their oar in.

why does it matter what your friends think?

Also, have they heard about nursery fees?

With my eldest I took 7 months - 1 of which was annual leave accumulated as full time but went back part time it was too early for me but was all I was entitled to in those days.
With DT I was a single parent but wanted as long off as possible also childcare cost was an issue with my savings I managed 13 months 1 of which was annual leave. I'm so glad I saved and worked my socks off to have those extra few months. Maternity leave and rights have improved so much people of older generations will think 9 months is to much but even 10 years ago nobody at work felt it was too long.

my ds took 6 months and then was catty to me about the year i took off
long time ago now.

It's an incredibly personal decision to which there is no right or wrong answer!

I took the full year including three months unpaid and I'm so glad I did. Remember your annual leave continues to accrue whilst on maternity leave so you can eke it out a bit longer by using accrued leave at the end.

Personally I found it easier to budget than I would have expected. My social dining expenditure became negligible and I was no longer spending money commuting to work, all these things add up and help.

Take as long as you want and can afford. You'll never get that time together again.xxx

none of my friends or family had an opinion (that they shared with me) about what time off I took with each DC. As its none of their bloody business. DC grow up very fast, i took a year off with my DC4. It was lovely, I felt bad at not being able to just enjoy the others as I was rushing to get back to work. Enjoy your 9 mths

I took a year of , twice , in close succession. Could give a flying fuck what anyone else thinks.

COULDNT

Im on month 10 of 14 (by the time i take leave) just ignore them and do whats best for you

Me and DH have taken a year off in total (me 8 months from date she was born as she was early) and DH 4 months of shared leave. How we afforded it is nothing to do with anyone else and I would say the same!

I took six months off, with only the first six week on 90% of my pay. The rest was SMP. - about 50 quid a week, I think. That was standard when I had my DC in the late 90s but I had a DH to help support us, though I was the main breadwinner. Take whatever you can afford.

No, you are not unreasonable. It’s between you and your boyfriend, you’ve discussed it together, have decided you can afford it, etc, quite frankly it’s no-one else’s business so take whatever time suits you and enjoy it.

I took 6 months with my first because that's all I could afford. It drove me mad when I went back and everyone kept helpfully telling me I could take more or implied I was putting career over baby. Quite simply I couldn't afford to live on SMP. That 6 months flew by with my first.
When I had my 2nd we saved and had money aside to cover me and I took 10 months. I loved having longer off with him. At the end of the day, it's no one's business how long you have whether it's a month or a year. You know what you can afford.

I think only you and bf can answer this really - also bear in mind that you don't need alot of money when you are off - no travel costs, no clothing and shoes for work, no lunches, you are home to do things you might outsource and no childcare costs. It will also be tricky to fin somewhere to take a 6 month old as opposed to a 9mth old so you should also think about things like that now. I personally tool 11 mths going back as my role was being made redundant and wanted to fight my corner so to speak so if I was back I got emails even though I went back for 3 days then took the rest of the month as accrued leave - so don't forget to figure that in as well, so maybe with agreement of boss holiday taken before return or on return used to part time you for the first few months etc ease you back in.

Just tell your mum that maternity and paternity rules have changed in the last 10 years, as this is true.

I took 9 months off because I am a secondary teacher and I didn't want to take over sixth form classes 3 months into year 12. I would actually have been ready to return sooner if it could have been part time.

I think a shorter leave (meaning shorter than 12 months) then returning part time can be good (obviously only if job set up allows) as going from mat leave to full time work and dealing with nursery etc is a shock to the system.

This really is no-one's business other than you, your partner and your respective employers, though.

I am probably in the minority here though as I found maternity leave very boring (despite being well bonded with my baby). I need to use my brain!

As you are discovering a mother's place is in the wrong. Whatever you do, plenty of people will wag fingers and tell you that you are wrong (in everything, not just mat leave).

Effectively you need to bridge 4 months of reduced pay. If you and your partner are agreed that is the right thing to do and that you can manage it then its nobody else's business. If you think they are coming from a place of concern, remind them that its 4 months not 9 of reduced pay. If they are just sticking their oar in then MYOB is the best response.

I can only really reiterate what others have said. Nobodies business but your own.

One suggestion I have, if your employer offers it, is to have you wage averaged over the 9 months you have off. That’s what I’ve done, It’s much easier managing 9 months (12 in my case) with a smaller amount per month but consistent for every month, than to be hit with a big drop/no pay towards the end.

We are all different - take the time you need. You may find you want to take more/less when baby arrives and that is ok, too. Your decisions, no one elses :)

I took a year off with both - 3 months pre birth, 9 months after and then returned part time. I only got SMP so had to return to work but actually loved having 2.5 days with adult company!