AIBU to want 9 months maternity leave?

[Niki93]

Hi there.

Im 15 weeks pregnant with my first pregnancy. Im 26 years old and work full time in a fairly emotionally draining and stressfull job. Me and my boyfriend sat down to discuss how il use maternity leave and we both decided it would be great for me to take 9 months off. This would consist of the first 5 months on full pay (my employers policy states this for my length of service) the last 4 months on SMP. We’ve already saved up alot together to make sure we have enough financial stability to tie us over those last few months on SMP which is fairly low income. I wanted to take 9 months to make the most of bonding with the baby etc. However, certain friends and family have made comments suggesting we’re being unrealistic by wanting that much time off work and that we wont be able to afford it as we need to oay our mortgage etc. Boyfriend works full time and is supportive for me to take the 9 months while he works. We’re fairly sensible with money, always have been. Am i being unrealistic wanting that much time off? What are other peoples experience of maternity leave? What is the average amount of leave to take for most women in the uk?

OP do what you like!!its not that strange at all for mother’s to take 9months to a year off!! I planned on 1 year that then turned into 6yrs!! 🤣🤣

Thanks everyone. I was hoping for that response.

I am at the point of telling everyone to mind their own business. This could be the first and only pregnancy i have so the way i see it, if i can take those 9 months and make the most of it then i will. We’ve both accepted we’ll definitely have to take a big cut for those last 4 months, hence why we are putting extra money away now to make up for it/make it work. Im wanting to return part time also, which again we’ve both discussed, and we’ve accepted id be on less income to contribute to bills, but, it means less money to pay on childcare also, so it is pros and cons. And possibly worth it for a better work:life balance. We’re not living in a dream world, we’re very aware having a baby costs ALOT so i feel quite patronised by our family and friends who have made back handed comments about it.

The pair of us have a decent amount of savings so i dont want to let anyone else sway me to rush back to work for finacial reasons because the way i see it, i have the rest of my life to work once baby gets a little older/more independent, surely?

I took the year too, and last 3 months were unpaid so a wee bit of a struggle.
But was worth it to spend that time with my baby and older kids. You can’t do it again so do what you want and can afford. It wasn’t anyone’s business what I took and no one had a input so why are you telling people/listening to people’s opinions on your life?!

If you can afford it then I don't think taking nine months off is excessive. Most people I know took a year off, I only know one person who went back to work when their baby was six months old. I planned on taking ten months off (it fitted into the school year a lot better that way) but in the end I didn't go back at all. Yes we have taken a financial hit but we have adjusted the way we live to accommodate this

I took the nine months and that was all statutory (well MA) as I'm self-employed so wasn't much money. I bloody loved having that time off. Money isn't important if you're able to cover the bills, really. You don't get this time back when they're so small.

If you and your partner have budgeted for it and are both happy with it, then it's no one else's business.

The only thing I would say, if you're going back to a career rather than a job (iyswim) Is that 9 months is a long time to be out of the loop. I had 6m because that was the max when dc were born and I found going back and getting back up to speed surprisingly difficult. People and policies had changed so I lost some contacts and didn't know the new ones and there had been a leap forward in technology that took a surprisingly long time to catch up with.

Firstly it is entirely up to you so don't let other people's opinions cloud your judgement.
If you've worked out you can afford it I don't see the issue.
In my first pregnancy I had 11 months off, 9 of which were statutory and nearly 3 unpaid by the time I went back. We didn't save or anything before hand but I am very good at budgeting. It was a little tight on occasions but I'm so glad I did it.
I don't know how you work you finances but everything gets paid into our joint account then we can an allowance each. I basically worked out how much bills/food/petrol etc were every month then how much we'd be left with. During my first pregnancy we were still managed to pay back debt and save money.
This time round I am at a different job so we get 3 months at full pay and I'm definitely taking a year if not more.
YANBU.
Depending on if your baby is a sleeper or not you will be grateful for the time off.

Not unreasonable at all. People querying it are however unreasonable. It isn’t any of their business and it’s poor manners. It’s not as if you’ve just made this decision, you have calculated the finances behind it. Congratulations on your baby! From what l hear when you have a baby then lots of people have to stick their noses in 🙄

Surely they don’t know your full financial situation. You obviously do and haven’t worked it out so go for it.
I only took 16 weeks as I work for myself. I didn’t much like maternity leave anyway, so suited me. Expecting number 2 and planning to take less this time.

Just read your update! Yes definitely enjoy this time with your baby. They get even better as they are older the 2-3 mark is absolutely hilarious. I'm so grateful I get to spend this time with her. My lo is starting school next year and I want to have an amazing summer with her, do things during the day (when it's not ridiculously busy) before I lose her to school hours

If the people commenting are a generation above you, I had a few raised eyebrows too. They seemed to think work wouldn't like it and would see it as a lack of enthusiasm or commitment to the job.

Most friends I know took 9-10mths. I took a year. A few friends took a little longer. My sister never went back.
No one elses business.

It's funny how what's 'the norm' differs so massively between different groups - I think I'd have got quite a lot of judgement for taking a shorter mat leave!

It's no one else's business, as long as you and your partner can make it work then that's all that matters. 5 months full pay is good!

I went back 4 days after my first mat leave, with the drop in deductions it didn't leave me off as badly as I expected. I would have needed to put her into nursery that day so actually would have only been £50 better off a month working full time - definitely not worth it.

It’s up to you and your business how long you have off. I had 12 months off with each child. If you can afford it take the time off, you won’t ever get the time back. I’ve no regrets about how long I had off, we are planning another child, again I plan to take 12 months.

Tell people to mind their own business.

Only you know what your monthly expenses are and how much you have saved. Im assuming that you have already done the calculations and have worked out that your savings are enough to cover the 4 months of unpaid leave that you want to take. As long as you are confident in your calculations and have a bit extra saved for anything unexpected then I don't think you should worry. You sound like you have a sensible approach to money and have planned this well, if you are sure you can afford it then absolutely take the time off to be with your baby.
My son is 8 months now and by the time I go back to work I will have had almost 8 months of unpaid leave and we have managed just fine by being careful with our money and saving before the pregnancy.

It has stuff all to do with your friends, OP. Do what suits you.

There is no salary on the planet that would compensate for being at home when your LO is small (I say this even from the jaded perspective of someone who is now divorced and unemployable).

I had 13 years off, FWIW.

Hammeringmyhead - very good points! My mam seems to be comparing me to my older sister who only took 6 months off (10 years ago). Which was fine and her choice, me however, id prefer those extra 3 months to cherish the moments and have a good stress free time off before going back to a particularly mentally draining job.

To everyone telling me to go for it and enjoy it, thank you! I think thats the encouragement and reassurance i needed. Love my family to bits but they’re massively work ethic heavy and his sides pretty snobby/all about money. But moneys not the be all and end all in our lives, not now we have a little baby growing in me! Yes, we’ll probably be a little skint, but happy! Costs nothing to be happy, healthy and in the moment with my lush first baby. The congratulations are much appreciated!

It's got nothing to do with anybody else.
I had 14 months off with accrued annual leave.
Have as much time as you like. 12 months if you can stretch to it. Remember you don't have to specify at the time, you just need to give proper notice to return.
It will go so fast, make the most of every minute.
I'm only part time now and I love work but I treasure my days with DS.

I took a year with first but we were very well prepared and saved up a lot. Last three months of unpaid maternity leave make a big difference to how much you’ll need to tide you over. I would like a full year with next DC but we’ve worked it out and we would need £4.5k savings for 9 months and around £9k for a whole year!

I would always go for max if you can afford it and if it’s what you want to do. Remember you can’t get this precious time back.

Obviously for a lot of people a full year, including some months of zero pay, it’s just not doable.

You are your partner are happy, everyone else can mind their own business.

9-12 months is pretty standard isn’t it? Not that anyone is wrong for taking less or more than that. I just mean it’s hardly an unusual amount for someone to take that people might pass judgement on!

Do what you and your partner want to. Sometimes 'helpful' comments are guilt or jealously wrapped as advice. When we were budgeting we calculated how much we would be short when my wage was cut then ensure we had this as a minimum in savings. I took 10 months and if circumstances had allowed I would have taken off a year. Time with little ones flies and you're right to want to spend as much time with your baby. Enjoy!

Great idea. Lots of teaching staff take a year especially if they can plan a July, August, September baby. They take off a full school year. Some have been lucky enough to plan it that way and two planned it for an Ofsted year!

I took 40 weeks in the end because my ex was hounding me to go back to work despite me being on a very good mat pay scheme and I had saved to stay home for the first year anyway. He wanted to spend the money on a newer car

He is an ex as he refused point blank to pay a penny childcare despite bullying me back to work before I was ready I wish that I had found mumsnet back when dd was a baby (she's now 23) as he was an absolute wanker to me.

Sorry x

Take as little or as long as you want and can afford. You know if you can or can’t. I took 6 months with my first child as DH was made redundant when he was 9 weeks old so money was tight, 2nd child I took nearly 10 months and loved it, 3td child I took 8 weeks as I only work 1 day a week and dh has the kids. My wage covered food shopping and the kids activities so things were tighter without it. The thing I found after having ds2 was the cost of childcare was outstripping my wages so took extra time off and loved it.

The thing with pregnancy (and parenting) is that everyone, qualified or not, has an opinion on absolutely everything and it becomes the water that wears away stone.

My advice is to not let the bastards get you down and do exactly what you would like to do. I took 10 months with my first, I'll probably take 9 months with this one. It flies by, honestly it does, and I couldn't imagine going back at six months!