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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To dislike man because my dog does?

106 replies

BJsHair · 17/11/2019 18:57

Went to friends house with dog today (doggy play date). My dog showed instant dislike to my friends husband, barking and growling at him. I put it down to her being a bit funny with men but then another bloke came in and she ran over, smothered him in kisses, tail wagging etc ... yet when friends husband tried to get her attention she went back to growling and barking. In the end I sat on the floor with her to reassure her that it was ok and the husband stroked her head. She tolerated it but growled throughout.

No obvious reason.

AIBU to keep a distance from this bloke now, and trust my dogs instincts? Friend has invited me around tomorrow for dog play date but she won’t be home, just her hubby. I’m inclined to trust my dog that he’s a wrong un. Hubby thinks I’m being ridiculous.

OP posts:

steff13 · 17/11/2019 19:53

My dog takes dislikes to men with beards and people wearing hats.

We had an English Bulldog growing up who would go crazy if my dad wore his hat in front of her. He was a police officer, and he would be fine in his uniform, until he put this hat on, then she'd go crazy. If he took it off, she would stop. And that dog was so docile normally you could have done anything to her. Weird.

amusedbush · 17/11/2019 19:54

My dog dislikes elderly men. No idea why, I’ve had him since he was a baby but one day he growled and barked at an old man standing outside the local pub and since then he has been very vocal about others.

I promise it’s nothing he is picking up on from me - I have a soft spot for wee old men

amusedbush · 17/11/2019 19:55

My dog takes dislikes to men with beards and people wearing hats.

I’d totally forgotten about this (it was several years ago) but ddog used to HATE my glasses. Went totally berserk if he saw me wearing them 😂

shitpark · 17/11/2019 20:08

I would never trust anyone my dog doest like. I'm loved by every dog I meet. My dog likes all my friends and their partners. She only ever took a dislike to one of my neighbours and turns out she was right. I would trust your dog

MitziK · 17/11/2019 20:16

Trust the dog.

My soppy Staffie was the softest, daftest, scardiest animal in the world when he wasn't being the world's best friend, he was hiding behind my legs. He got beaten up by a cat that he could have bitten in two and was only saved by the Original Twat Cat coming to his rescue.

One day, the doorbell went. I opened it slightly, as usual, and was vaguely aware of Mutt moving from his customary position of snoring on his back on the sofa when the ex was out.

It was a man pleasantly 'offering maintenance and roof repairs'. I politely declined made sure my foot was securely wedged between the floor and the door, but then a 'friend stepped into view and they weren't keen on stepping back from the door.

From out of nowhere, this ominous, malevolent rumble, deep enough to shake your bones, came from a point roughly level with my head.

The dog had sensed something wrong, silently climbed up onto the table and growled for the only time in his entire life at those two.

They left. I called the Police. No idea if they were the same people, but there was a report a few weeks later of a pair from an area with the same accent being found guilty of forcing their way into homes.

Trust your dog.

TropicPlunder · 17/11/2019 20:22

I think dogs are great judges of character.... but:
They also take very subtle cues from you. Were you in any way uncomfortable with him being there in the first place? I'm not saying it's the case, but I'll never forget when my dog, who is very tuned in to my feelings, went mad when my in laws tried to enter the house . I was stressed about their visit, and managed to fool everyone but the dog

churchandstate · 17/11/2019 20:41

Your dog might not like the guy’s ears. It’s a dog. It’s not that clever.

NaviSprite · 17/11/2019 20:52

Not saying it’s the case here but my mums Dog will be perfectly pleasant to women and not so pleasant to men, especially in the house, she gets very growly towards my DH (who loves dogs and usually gets a warm welcome from any dog he meets!) so I wouldn’t go straight to distrusting the man.

Was it your Dogs first time at the house as well? It could just be she was on heightened alert from being in less familiar territory with a Male she has never met?

My old dog was as soft as they get; but if any Male visited our childhood home that he wasn’t used to, he’d get very territorial (never aggressive just blatant that he didn’t want the strangers anywhere near us) especially if my DSis or I were on our periods.

I’m not saying their instincts should never be trusted, but I’d try to go the logical route first in your scenario

bbcessex · 17/11/2019 20:54

I don't get really why you would be taking your dog on a 'play date' with someone you don't now.

Seems bonkers to me.

WiddlinDiddlin · 17/11/2019 21:11

Dogs can be great judges of character... or absolutely rubbish.

So I wouldn't not go on those grounds, HOWEVER...

There is no benefit in subjecting your dog to proximity to someone he clearly finds unnerving/threatening/scary, the chances are you will only make matters worse.

So I wouldn't go back and I would ensure I was rewarding my dog for every similar looking man he saw whilst out and about, to double down on creating positive associations, to avoid future issues.

Craftycorvid · 17/11/2019 21:50

I do believe animals - especially dogs - do seem to just ‘know’ a wrong un, but as PP have said, dogs can also be funny about the most random things: beards, height, gender, you name it. Could even be that the person was wearing strong smelling cologne or something which put the dog off. What was your intuitive response to this chap? We often switch off our ‘animal instincts’ in favour of rationality and often that’s a good thing, but not the whole story.

Inebriati · 17/11/2019 22:03

You know the breed can be suspicious of people, so YABVU to decide the dogs reaction was because he is bad. The husband may have an undiagnosed disorder such as epilepsy.

You and your friend are being unreasonable to trigger you dog by exposing her to the husband for a play date.

Jeleste · 17/11/2019 22:04

Could have lots of reasons. Did you have the dog since he was a puppy?
I got my dog from a shelter at the age of 2. At the beginning she was terrified of all men to the point where she would wet herself when one entered the room.
Over time she improved a lot. There were a few men where she still reacted very strongly for a couple of years. My brother and 2 of my best friends. She would bark non stop and growl from the moment she saw them until they left. There was no type. One is black, one blond and tall, one white with dark hair and quite short.
I think something about them must have reminded her of before.

Winterdaysarehere · 17/11/2019 22:07

From a dpuppy mine didn't like one particular neighbour.
Fast forward a few years he went to jail for manslaughter of my friend...
Listen to your ddog is my advice.

lazylinguist · 17/11/2019 22:13

YABU, because you have no idea why your dog didn't like him. It's much more likely to be something physical, rather than because the man isn't a nice person. A previous poster's dog doesn't like black people. My dog doesn't like tall people! It could be a smell (their aftershave or another animal they've been in contact with).

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 17/11/2019 22:28

I was thinking about this today, my dog (6 month old puppy) met my cousin today for the first time. My dogs not met many blokes and the ones he has met he has been slightly wary of and taken a while to warm up to.

However he loved my cousin straight away and within mins my dog was lying across his lap looking up into his eyes with complete devotion 😁 My cousin is one of the nicest, gentlest men I know and my dog some how seemed to sense this!

I'm sure it would work the other way as well.

Hoppinggreen · 17/11/2019 22:32

My soppy Goldie loves everyone but he hates my neighbour. He really objected when he came round to look at the new bathroom ( not a euphemism) and didn’t want to let him through the door. Neighbour is a lovely man who we have known for almost 20 years so I’ve no idea why. Funnily enough DDog reacted the same to neighbours grown up son

Fightingmycorner2019 · 17/11/2019 22:38

It was then that I realised I had raised a racist dog

How very unfortunate !!!

Kleptronic · 17/11/2019 22:49

My dog's the opposite - there is someone I know for a fact is a wrong 'un but my dog thinks this person is the bees knees, and yet he's standoffish with everyone else.

So in my case I don't trust my dog's instincts because he's been totally wrong about someone.

Ellmau · 17/11/2019 23:26

My childhood dog didn't like/was scared of/growled at people with learning difficulties - who we met regularly on walks and really wanted to be friends with her. DM was mortified.

But to OP

SerenDippitty · 18/11/2019 06:48

Does your friend’s DH smoke? One of our dogs hated people who smelt of smoke. She was a rescue and we wondered if she’d been abused by someone who smoked. She was very gentle otherwise.

FizzyIce · 18/11/2019 07:03

You lost me at “doggy play date”
That’s just weird ..

mogtheexcellent · 18/11/2019 07:13

My last dog barked at people with very dark skin. We live in a rural predominantly white area so was difficult to train him out of it. He also hated having his bottom touched. I think he was the doggy version of Alf Garnet.

Highly embarrassing.

KarmaStar · 18/11/2019 10:48

I trust my dog too.
And if the presence of this man distressed your dog that much you are being very unfair to make her return knowing he will be there.

Keepyoursockson · 18/11/2019 10:56

I think maybe some dogs can be good judges of character but it’s hard to tell.

Mine has a dislike towards people in wheelchairs or mobility scooters, which is very embarrassing and completely unfounded.

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