To think my son’s dietician shouldn’t be guilt tripping me about not wanting to breast feed anymore?

[QueenofmyPrinces]

I have a son who is 2.5 years old and is still breast fed.

He was diagnosed with a dairy allergy at 8 weeks of age and so I went dairy free to accommodate the breast feeding.

I can now have small amounts of cooked/baked forms of dairy but despite two years having passed, I still can’t have creams, yogurts or milk etc otherwise he will react to it.

Although he has a very high tolerance level to the dairy in my breast milk, he can’t tolerate any dairy directly. For those who are familiar with the 12 Step Milk Ladder, he can’t even manage the first step.

Anyhow - I’m so done with the breast feeding now, for a multitude of reasons, not the least being that between him and my eldest son I have been breast feeding for over 5.5 years straight.

His dietician called me the other day and I mentioned my plans to stop the breast feeding and she wasn’t too enthralled and told me (and I quote) “....that really I should feed him for as long as I can because that’s what’s in his best interests.”

She was basically saying that because of his dietary restrictions it’s even more important that he has breast milk and that he’s much more likely to outgrow his dairy allergy if I continue to breast feed him.

She made me feel so guilty about considering stopping.

The phone call ended with her rather patronisingly telling me to take more time before making my decision, consider what would be best for my son, and that she will call me again next week when I’ve had some more time to think about it.

I felt totally backed into a corner and I couldn’t find the back bone within me to stand up for myself and tell her that I had already made my decision.

AIBU to think that I shouldn’t be made to feel guilty about stopping breast feeding in this scenario?

I’m already dreading her phone call next week. I can’t just imagine what derogatory comment she will write in his notes about his awful mother deciding to stop breastfeeding him despite being told it was medically in his best interests.....

Oh god I feel for you. My son also has CMPA and can't tolerate malted milks either. I stopped feeding him at 16 months because the lack of sleep was breaking me.

I think you've gone above and beyond - and bloody well done!

I'm a HV and would never guilt trip my mums! There are plenty of dairy-free alternatives out there.

Oh and I'd go to PALs for sure. Stupid woman.

She is a twat and full of shit. You have breastfed for 2.5 years! That's more than plenty and it's absolutely none of her business if you even breastfed at all. I would be telling her exactly what I think of her patronising behaviour.

I would report her as well. She's bullying you, plain and simple.

It is her business if she is the child's Dietitian!

Give Allergy UK a ring tomorrow for their advice on BF time frames :)

That's dreadful, you're beyond the recommendation for 2 years anyway.

DS1 had CMPA. It was identified at 12m and we were winding down to stop feeding at 13m anyway (I wanted to TTC for baby#2 and needed my reproductive cycle to restart). The dieticians were fine and happy with fortified Oat "milk" and a general balanced diet.

If baby was pre-weaning and would have to move onto a specialist formula instead, there would be more of a case to point out the limitations, but still not emotional guilt tripping. Retaining the mother's bodily autonomy is important in a happy breastfeeding relationship.

@avoidingwork It might be her business but it’s not her choice. Her job is now to help shape his ongoing diet. She should have literally said “yep, I hear you, I’ll work out a plan.”

I thought I was going to read that you were stopping after a couple of months (which would be totally ok) but my god you’ve managed to keep doing it for 2.5 years so why would she guilt you for stopping now!

@RUOKHUN agree completely. I just thought it an odd statement that the BF was "none of her business".

I'm in the same boat I'm too cutting out brestmiilk our dietitian said about introducing alpro growing up milk 1-3 years get it from any supermarket. As long as he has calcium in other foods like 50/50 bread and youghert

He has Oat Milk on his cereal (as do I) but he won’t have it as an actual drink.

She implied that the majority of his calcium intake will be from my diet which was one of her reasons why I should continue breast feeding him to ensure he doesn’t become deficient.

She told me that if I did stop breast feeding then she would prescribe me some Neocate Toddler milk for my son but (and I quote): “that’s far from ideal”.

You have a rubbish dietician. What does she think is in the breastmilk that he can’t very easily get from other sources at 2.5 years old? Literally nothing from a dietary point of view. You can get calcium from a multitude of non dairy sources and healthy fats too.

Just stop breastfeeding. You really don’t need to.

I had a baby with a dairy allergy which meant I couldn’t eat any dairy for over 6 months so I know it’s not fun.

Ignore her. Carry on with your plans. When she phones you next week tell her that you didn't appreciate the guilt tripping and the lecture and you are now well down the line of phasing out breastfeeding. That you intend to have stopped it completely by XX date and it is not up for discussion.

If she persists then she needs to be reminded that it is none of her business.

He's 2.5 years not 2.5 months!
Both my children had CMPA and were under a dietician. Goodness knows what your dietician would have thought of me as I never breastfed.
If you want to stop breastfeeding then that's your prerogative. There are plenty of alternatives out there that your son should be able to have. She sounds like she's a bullying busybody. If you want to stop just stop nobody else's business except yours.

I'm BF my third child with CMPA. You've lasted longer than I did and I've had nothing but praise. You have done your time!

What does she think is in the breastmilk that he can’t very easily get from other sources?

Dairy

She said that by being exposed to dairy via my milk, when he can’t have it as part of his own diet, is hugely beneficial.

She said that he is much more likely to outgrow the allergy if he has some exposure to it as opposed to never having it at all.

I don’t know hoe true that is though??

Well done you for feeding so long! I fed CPMA DS until he was 2 (stopped when pregnant with DS2). He didn’t manage the first stage of the milk ladder until he was 5, and didn’t reach the top until over 7. He’s 10 now and almost there with eggs (can eat cooked but not raw egg) and is still allergic to nuts.

You’ve done so well to feed him for so long, especially given the impact on your diet. I can completely sympathise with wanting to stop - feeling touched out and wanting your body back (I felt like this after 6 years of non stop pregnancy and breast feeding).

At 2.5 your son will be fine on Milan alternatives. There are more and more free from foods available, and he’s old enough to get all he needs from solids, especially fortified products.

Don’t feel bullied into continuing if you don’t want to. It’s your body and your decision.

I bf my CMPA child for 3 years ; he outgrew his dairy allergy within six months of weaning.

Well this sounds like nonsense. I have a DD with a severe dairy allergy, and two friends with children with dairy allergies. None of us breastfed past a year tops. My DD didnt even get toddler neocate at 12 months, the dietician and GP said it wasn't necessary if she had a balanced diet and drank fortified oat milk.
2.5 years is way longer than most people breastfeed, absolutely do not let her guilt you into carrying on if you feel it is time to stop. Your son will be fine, like all the other dairy allergic toddlers out there who aren't breastfed.

Out dietitian told me to stay dairy free he has to do his milk testing at the hospital because of his reaction. So he gets nothing from me just from his food . I would not let her guilt trip you. You may find in a few years he will tolerate more . My friend child never grew out of it but copes. Ask for a different dietitian

I did 2 years, while it was lovely I was ready to stop. There are plenty of ways of ensuring he has a good diet without breastmilk.

You have done a great job feeding for so long, especially when you have had to cut out dairy. She may be correct from a factual point of view (I have no idea if she is or isn't) but she needs to be aware of the wider picture.

I would have been furious. Very few children are lucky enough to get anywhere like your length and I can completely understand why you e had enough.

I would be minded, whilst calm, to send her an email in advance of your next call (if you have her address) noting her previous comments, pointing out that you have kept going for as long you feel able and that you will be expecting non judgmental support going forward that respects your wishes.