To think my son’s dietician shouldn’t be guilt tripping me about not wanting to breast feed anymore?

[QueenofmyPrinces]

I have a son who is 2.5 years old and is still breast fed.

He was diagnosed with a dairy allergy at 8 weeks of age and so I went dairy free to accommodate the breast feeding.

I can now have small amounts of cooked/baked forms of dairy but despite two years having passed, I still can’t have creams, yogurts or milk etc otherwise he will react to it.

Although he has a very high tolerance level to the dairy in my breast milk, he can’t tolerate any dairy directly. For those who are familiar with the 12 Step Milk Ladder, he can’t even manage the first step.

Anyhow - I’m so done with the breast feeding now, for a multitude of reasons, not the least being that between him and my eldest son I have been breast feeding for over 5.5 years straight.

His dietician called me the other day and I mentioned my plans to stop the breast feeding and she wasn’t too enthralled and told me (and I quote) “....that really I should feed him for as long as I can because that’s what’s in his best interests.”

She was basically saying that because of his dietary restrictions it’s even more important that he has breast milk and that he’s much more likely to outgrow his dairy allergy if I continue to breast feed him.

She made me feel so guilty about considering stopping.

The phone call ended with her rather patronisingly telling me to take more time before making my decision, consider what would be best for my son, and that she will call me again next week when I’ve had some more time to think about it.

I felt totally backed into a corner and I couldn’t find the back bone within me to stand up for myself and tell her that I had already made my decision.

AIBU to think that I shouldn’t be made to feel guilty about stopping breast feeding in this scenario?

I’m already dreading her phone call next week. I can’t just imagine what derogatory comment she will write in his notes about his awful mother deciding to stop breastfeeding him despite being told it was medically in his best interests.....

This

She sounds like a moron. WHO only recommend BFing to two years which you have surpassed.

Any healthcare professionals should know how to ensure a 2.5-year-old child gets enough calcium without dairy. They also should know about the God awful feeling of having done enough breastfeeding, especially as you have done it so long.

Sounds like it makes her life easier for you to continue rather than helping you and ds transition to a different situation. You've done brilliantly. She needs to back off and come up with better help. What does she say to women who haven't been able to keep bf as well as you have.

You are incredible! I just finished feeding my 15 month old CMPA baby as I simply couldn’t do it anymore (severe nursing aversion brought on by pregnancy). Have you tried Koko Super as an alternative? My dietician and allergy specialist were happy for us to move to that as a main drink from 1. I know that isn’t in line with the NICE guidelines but they were happy looking at the overall diet etc. The February plan sounds ideal for you. Best of luck.

Be careful going cold turkey when you're feeding so much - it can lead to blocked ducts and worse. We stopped about that age -we did don't offer don't refuse for a while, then started cutting feeds shorter and shorter saying I was running out of milk, let's snuggle/have a snack while I make more, allowing another even briefer feed if he asked, but that faded quite naturally. The trick seemed to be doing it gradually, and saying not now rather than no to milk, while offering both emotional and food alternatives.

He’s 2.5, tell her to fuck off!

If she tries to make you feel guilty again, then a PALs complaint may be in order.

Well done for breastfeeding for so long! That’s amazing! But now you’ve decided it’s well and truly time you stopped, and good for you, you deserve that well earned rest, time to treat yourself to all the dairy you want! He will be absolutely fine without breast milk, he doesn’t need it anymore and she shouldn’t be bullying you into thinking so, definitely report her and tell her where to stick it.

Two and a half years is plenty long enough if it's making you feel like Bessie the Cow. Which was how I felt about it by the end.

The dietician will just have to work around it, just as she would if you had never BF, your supply had dried up or you'd needed medical treatment/hospital admission/to go back to work fulltime at 6 months.

In terms of facts she's correct but it sounds like she's phrased it badly.

It's obviously your choice, and you've done a great job, but she is right that it's better for him if you continue. However you don't want to and that's absolutely up to you.

Your body your choice.

Don't feel guilty. You've done incredibly and really set him up well.

She's a qualified dietician so I'm assuming she's not a moron and knows her stuff

From her perspective it probably is best for you to continue, and I think she has to present you with the benefits to your DS of continuing, however she souldnt be telling you to breastfeed more presenting you with the facts, her recommendation and then letting you chose, she shouldn't be pressuring you.

It's your body, you have done a marvellous job bf till 2.5, its not just your DS involved in this theres also you. If you want to stop she needs to accept that and help plan his diet accordingly

Hmmm, my DD's dietician raised an eyebrow when I said I was continuing to breastfeed! You can't win!! I did get a chart of calcium-rich foods and also a note of her calcium requirements - these are MUCH lower after 12 months so I'm sure you'd have no trouble meeting your DC's needs in that department. I'm also sure I was told she'd grow out of it by around 2 (which she did) so if your DC still can't manage step 1 at 2.5, I'd say you're in it for the long haul and really need to be comfortable with whatever decision you make. Stand your ground - it's their job to ensure your DC gets a good diet which is very possible these days with no dairy.

I think this is normal with some allergies, I have a DF who has breastfed for a very long time for the same reason. I think I’m some cases- allergies being one, that it’s less about breast vs formula and more about the exact a specific nutrition that child needs. It’s her job to be passing judgement in this case, she’s a specialist of what your child needs to be eating.

I bf my CMPA child to 3.5. Almost 15 years later she's still CMPA but manages just fine with fortified milk replacement/yogurts, green veg, nuts and the small amount of dairy she can tolerate (melted cheese and well cooked milk fwiw).

My point being that at some point, you're going to have to stop bfing and make the change to calcium rich foods and her job at this point should be to support you and give advice in that regard. And if you've made the decision that the point is now, nobody should berate you.

Next time you see her:

"I have thought about what you said and have decided that it is better for my son to have a healthy mother. I will not be manipulated nor pressurised into changing my mind and I think that it is your job to advise on any dietary changes needed in the light of this decision."

Re weaning, I fed both of my sons until they were 3 but at 2.5 they fed just like yours. IME boys can be very, very boob attached. I had to go cold turkey at night-times, which ds1 bought into as "he was a big boy" and there was a bribe involved!

With ds2 I had to send dh in - ds2 declined the big-boy-bribe and wanted to feed for ever! The first night was awful, the second he wept for about 20 minutes, and the third night he whimpered once, then slept like a dream. Dh just told him that Mummy needed to sleep and that it was dark so it was sleep time now. He offered water which was violently rejected, so just kept repeating in a gentle bored voice "sleep time now." It worked eventually.

HTH. I fed for a while longer during the days but it was much easier to distract and limit feeding with other activities or treats, once they knew that I was off the menu at night-time.

Best of luck

She said that by being exposed to dairy via my milk, when he can’t have it as part of his own diet, is hugely beneficial.

He can have very small doses of dairy in other ways. It doesn’t need to be in breastmilk.

I stopped breastfeeding when my son was 2 years and 3 months. By then I had gradually cut down to just the bedtime feed. We chose to night wean at 13 months which meant by husband went in when he woke at night and offered water. The daytime feeds were phased out when he started nursery and the morning feed I stopped by just distracting him when I got him up in the morning (mostly using tv and breakfast). The bedtime feed was easier to stop than I expected. I just said the milk had run out and offered milk in a cup instead.

Good luck!