To think my son’s dietician shouldn’t be guilt tripping me about not wanting to breast feed anymore?

[QueenofmyPrinces]

I have a son who is 2.5 years old and is still breast fed.

He was diagnosed with a dairy allergy at 8 weeks of age and so I went dairy free to accommodate the breast feeding.

I can now have small amounts of cooked/baked forms of dairy but despite two years having passed, I still can’t have creams, yogurts or milk etc otherwise he will react to it.

Although he has a very high tolerance level to the dairy in my breast milk, he can’t tolerate any dairy directly. For those who are familiar with the 12 Step Milk Ladder, he can’t even manage the first step.

Anyhow - I’m so done with the breast feeding now, for a multitude of reasons, not the least being that between him and my eldest son I have been breast feeding for over 5.5 years straight.

His dietician called me the other day and I mentioned my plans to stop the breast feeding and she wasn’t too enthralled and told me (and I quote) “....that really I should feed him for as long as I can because that’s what’s in his best interests.”

She was basically saying that because of his dietary restrictions it’s even more important that he has breast milk and that he’s much more likely to outgrow his dairy allergy if I continue to breast feed him.

She made me feel so guilty about considering stopping.

The phone call ended with her rather patronisingly telling me to take more time before making my decision, consider what would be best for my son, and that she will call me again next week when I’ve had some more time to think about it.

I felt totally backed into a corner and I couldn’t find the back bone within me to stand up for myself and tell her that I had already made my decision.

AIBU to think that I shouldn’t be made to feel guilty about stopping breast feeding in this scenario?

I’m already dreading her phone call next week. I can’t just imagine what derogatory comment she will write in his notes about his awful mother deciding to stop breastfeeding him despite being told it was medically in his best interests.....

Just on the neocate though, the baby version has a reputation for having a nasty taste, particularly when compared to breast milk. If the toddler version is similar you may struggle to get him to take any of it. That doesn’t change your analysis of whether to stop of course but if I were being charitable may explain some of the sentiment about neonate not being ideal.

I thought it was recommended to aim for 2 years of breastfeeding on the understanding that most people cannot achieve this. You've really done very well getting to 2.5 years. Plenty of children out there with dairy allergies/intolerance who haven't been given the opportunity to bf so I wouldn't feel too bad about stopping.

Just stop and get started on the formula alternatives. I have had two kids with allergies, breastfed to 9 months with a slow introduction of one bottle a day. Put them on nutrimigen and dietician was happy. One is now happily taking a couple of bottles with soya milk a day. You have done more than enough.

What a load of tripe. I just don’t understand where health professionals get off on doing things like this. My son was diagnosed with milk allergy at 4 weeks. We had issues breast feeding anyway, but once diagnosed went straight into prescription formula. 2.5 years is amazing and if you’ve had enough then I think you’ve done a lot longer than The majority of breast feeding mums.
Stand your ground and tel her whatever her opinion that’s your decision and you would appreciate her support in moving on and if she is unwilling then could she pass you to someone else who can help

You are an amazing mum. Your life is also important. What is most important is that you are healthy and happy too ... as he grows he will need his mummy to be even more energetic and creative and so you need your rest too. There are healthy alternatives to explore. I think this person was extremely insensitive and unappreciative of how dedicated you are and it is this sort of bigoted attitude and approach to breast feeding by professionals that puts many people off even attempting it. Good luck, many hugs and I'll bet your son is amazing and will do well throughout his life. xxxx

He is 2.5 years, you have done bloody amazing by the sounds of it, and overhauled your diet for the sake of your son. If you feel that the time is right to stop, then she has no right at all to say that to you; heck, even if you stopped after a day she has no right.

I am at the beginning of our CMPA/breastfeeding journey and already fantasising about chocolate. Absolute respect to you, 2.5 years is an amazing achievement and a huge commitment you had made to your son. Tell the dietician to fuck off, you've done more than most

I don’t think it was wrong of her to point out the benefits of breastfeeding that are specific to your son’s diet, however she clearly went beyond that and too far. I would say to her directly “I felt really pressured in our last conversation and you overstepped your place. I’d really like you to think carefully before you have that sort of conversation again and avoid applying manipulation to mums like that again”. See what her response is. If she precisely apologies then great. We can all have bad days. If she denies or continues down the same line report her via PALS.

Profusely that should say not precisely

Thanks everyone - I’m just so drained by it all.

He still wakes up at least twice a night and won’t go back to sleep unless I feed him. And on the days I’m at home with him (5 days out of 7) he probably feeds about 6 to 8 times and I’m so over it.

I have tried to restrict the amount of times he feeds but it causes a meltdown if I refuse it him so I think it will just be easier if I go cold turkey.

I had felt quite determined and happy with my decision but now she’s made me question everything again.

Could you ask her to back up her claims with the scientific evidence and studies?
Then at least you'll be in an informed position to make the choice that is best for you and your ds.
Well done for doing it for 2.5 years. You really shouldn't be made to feel guilty whatever way you decide to go with the breastfeeding..

My daughter also had milk allergy. She seemed to go off breast feeding herself around 13 months so I gave up and just gave her soya substitute that I was prescribed. No problems. She's now a very healthy 12 yo.

Anyone who breastfeeds a child for 2.5 years is a fucking hero. (I did it twice, too, so I include myself in that!) The fact that she's guilt tripping you is awful. You have literally grown that child for over three years including gestation. I mean, what the fuck does she want out of you?

First of all well done for bf that long. I did too. I think your experience is quite unusual normally people gt parents for still bf at that age. (even though it,s normal.). There are many things that your baby can have to get the nutrients from, at that age I doubt child would need the toddler milk, but obviously I am not his dietician.

It's worrying that a dietician cant think of alternative calcium sources....! You've done amazingly - we had no dietician involvement with my cmpa daughter and I was lauded a hero for being df for 18 months by my hv. He's 2.5, wean away, he'll eat more without the feeding 10 times as well! X

Maybe she has a point? It would make sense to me that having some contact with diary via your milk is v beneficial and maybe her way of seeing it is 'we've got that far it would be a shame to stop now'. She shouldn't pressurise you though but it also seems to me that she is pointing out some significant benefits. Maybe try to get into an evidence-based discussion on the matter rather than stopping without that information?
Well done for feeding so long btw.
Fwiw the recommendation is 2 yrs at least and then as long as mutually wanted.

2.5 years is amazing, well done. I bet that dietician hasn't breastfed a baby with an allergy for that long. I didn't breastfeed my now 6 year old because he couldn't (severe cleft palate) and I had a Dr moaning to me about it a few months ago.

I breast fed my first son for 2.5 years so my aim this time around was to match that so this point in my time was always where I had visualised it ending. I felt like I was working towards a goal and that once I reached it I would stop breast feeding and reclaim my body back for the first time in 6 almost years.

The thought of those goal posts now being pushed back, to an indefinite distance, doesn’t fill me with much joy.

After all, at what point does it stop? Am I expected to just breast feed him until he outgrows his allergy? That could be years away.

It's worth a proper conversation with the the dietician to understand her point of view, respectfully (on both sides).
You could also see about getting support re bf an older child? I've been bf for 8 years non stop (3 children, currently bf the youngest 2) and yes it's tiring at times but my body is still mine. I set the boundaries I feel I need.

My DD has CMPA too. Our dietician is happy with her having oat milk (fortified oatly barista version) and recommended a ‘50:50’ or ‘best of both’ bread as they’re also a source of calcium. I am still bf (my DD is 18 months- hats off for 2.5 years, you star!) but was told if I want to stop I can with little to no impact nutritionally at this point.

Oh God, you've done plenty!! My DS has a dairy allergy and I breastfed him until he was 2 weeks short of two years old. I was very desperate to stop.

Ignore her!!

One issue here is not do much the milk allergy but the fact your ds feeds 10 times in 24 hrs.
That's not normal for a 2.5yr old and could be impacting on his other development, not your fault op though.
He needs to be eating a wide range of foodstuffs minus the dairy.
With meals and snacks and not filling up on breast milk.
What is going to happen when he goes to nursery or pre school?
I'd ask the bloody dietician that...

You can get a wide source of calcium without dairy and I'd be questioning this dietician hugely. Very unethical behavior.

She should be looking at assisting you and your toddler into moving towards an age appropriate eating plan for a human with dairy intolerance, and while bf at this age is not inappropriate, it is not good for it to be the main source of nutrition and so frequently.

And before anyone says I am anti extended bf.. I bf dd2 with severe eczema and asthma until she was 4, but at 2.5 yrs it was morning and evening and she was eating non triggering food rest of time.

Oh how ridiculous!

I had the same with my DD and I stopped BF at 14 months. I wasn’t enjoying it anymore and it was making her upset/ clingy. You’ve done well continuing this long.

She is 16 months now and milk ladder has failed on the first steps. We just use coconut milk with added calcium as a substitute.

Don’t get me wrong, he eats well outside the breast feeding. He has his three meals a day and snacks, it’s not as though he’s breast feeding and not eating as a result.

However, I do agree that he’d probably eat even more, and a wider variety of foods if he wasn’t breast feeding so much.

I have no idea why he’s doing it. My first son didn’t feed anywhere near as much as this when he was 2+ years old.

My DH is taking both our sons abroad in February for a week so I’m hoping that will force weaning anyway (fingers crossed).

I don’t think you should feel guilty about stopping. But I also think the dietician is right to give you her professional advice.

If healthcare professionals only tell us what we want to hear they would not be doing their jobs.