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To think this isn't normal behaviour?

89 replies

Worriedmum1511 · 17/11/2019 15:27

Dd is 5. Ds is 3.

In the car just now dd leant accross and unclipped her brother and herself. There was somewhere 100-ish yards down the road I could safely stop. All of a sudden dd shouts "jump" and ds goes flying accross the car on to her lap, misses and ends up in the footwell. I get distrscted and then need to slam my brakes on and slightly rear end the car in front.

I'm absolutely exasperated with Dd. Surely she should get it? She s forever throwing shoes at me when I'm driving and lunging for me and ds.

This can't be normal behaviour?

OP posts:
RozHuntleysStump · 17/11/2019 17:43

Sounds like my son at that age. He has ASD.

RozHuntleysStump · 17/11/2019 17:44

Sorry meant to add that we got a special harness for him so he couldnt get out of it. It was years ago but I think we got it from a specialist disability store online.

TheReluctantCountess · 17/11/2019 17:47

Until you get something sorted, I would avoid taking her in the car. If need be, get a cab and sit with her in the back. It’s too dangerous to let it carry on.

Venger · 17/11/2019 17:47

Her laughing isn't because she finds it funny

Yes. Both DS' laugh when they are nervous or anxious and oldest DS has a really aggressive laugh that he uses when he's angry but can't articulate why, will follow me around going "HA! HA! HA! HA!"

Spikeyball · 17/11/2019 17:51

Crelling harness although some children can get past them. You can also get driver shields which prevent random hair pulling and arm kicking but likely not needed with a young child secured in a crelling harness.

IWorkAtTheCheescakeFactory · 17/11/2019 17:52

The laughing could also be because she literally finds your face/voice funny when you’re shouting at her. Not because she likes to make you angry but because those sounds and face movements are not what your voice/face normally does and it’s a new/interesting thing for her.

simplekindoflife · 17/11/2019 17:59

Could TVs in the car help? Might be a good distraction. We have screens in the headrests (can't be thrown!) and you can link headphones to them - which can help block out the noise.

Something she can fiddle with? They do specific fiddle toys which could distract her.

A treat after every car journey - something small like a jelly bean or a specific car reward chart? If she manages to be good all week, then a bigger treat at the weekend - soft play, the park, cinema, anything else that works etc. If she doesn't manage it, then u still take ds so she can see the consequences.

KurriKurri · 17/11/2019 18:04

I watched an episode of Supernanny a few weeks back wher the Mum was having loads of problems with her kids misbehaving in the car.
the car bit is about 25 mins in. I don't know if there will be anything useful to you - but might be worth a quick look. (obviously you have said your little girl may have additional needs, which the children in the video don't so poss not relevant to you)

Venger · 17/11/2019 18:08

A treat after every car journey - something small like a jelly bean or a specific car reward chart? If she manages to be good all week, then a bigger treat at the weekend - soft play, the park, cinema, anything else that works etc. If she doesn't manage it, then u still take ds so she can see the consequences.

These techniques usually don't work for children with ASD. The concept and the delayed gratification are too abstract for them ergo they don't give a shiny one about getting a shiny sticker.

As for rewarding the DS for being "good" while punishing the DD for being "bad" when she isn't actually being naughty, that would be awful. The behaviour is dangerous, yes, but she's not acting up to be malicious or cause trouble.

SomethingNastyInTheBallPool · 17/11/2019 18:09

And the DD is not a dog. Do you have personal experience or knowledge of this being a strategy parents of children with ASC use successfully in the car? It’s seems a little inappropriate to suggest it otherwise. The associations are horrible.

Nonsense. My DD has a learning disability and is autistic and I’ve seriously considered a dog guard set-up to stop things from hitting me when I’m driving. No, it doesn’t help with the escapology, but they’re two different problems, albeit with the same root cause.

OP, my DD is in a special needs car seat with a five-point harness and an extra chest clip. She can’t get out of it - might be worth taking a look and seeing if it might work for your DD. It’s the Britax Traveller Plus. Not cheap but completely worth it for the peace of mind.

Supersimkin2 · 17/11/2019 18:22

A dog guard is obviously fine - anything that keeps OP's family safe & under less stress is an improvement.

OP, have you thought of giving DD a wig so she can play with 'your hair' while in car. That's an odd thought too, and it works.

Supersimkin2 · 17/11/2019 18:28

PS Tie the wig to the door so she can't throw it at you.

EducatingArti · 17/11/2019 18:29

I was going to say try social stories too. They sometimes work magically on children with ASD.

Worriedmum1511 · 17/11/2019 21:30

Thank you.

The car seat looks ideal, just to save the money for it.

I'm at the absolute point I just can't keep my children safe whether we drive or walk 😭

OP posts:
IWorkAtTheCheescakeFactory · 17/11/2019 22:09

Thanks for you OP. I’ve been through this. It’s fucking brutal at times.

Bobbi73 · 17/11/2019 22:35

Last year for Christmas, various relatives clubbed together and bought them cheap tablets and Bluetooth headphones to use in the car. We loaded them up with loads of their favourite programmes and now journeys are bliss. The tablets cost about £70 each, the headphones about £20. Obviously it isn't suitable for short journeys around town if travel sickness is a problem but it's great for longer journeys. My two used to fight constantly in the car and be really distracting but it's great now.

onestepforwardtenstepsback · 17/11/2019 22:42

I use the creaking harness with the metal buckle and hudieni (?spelling) clip for my asd ds. Wouldn't be able to do car journeys otherwise. Fits with high back booster and well worth the £80

Shooturlocalmethdealer · 17/11/2019 23:30

She needs a good snack on her bottom

Shooturlocalmethdealer · 17/11/2019 23:31


Worriedmum1511 · 17/11/2019 23:33

Yes because smacking her is really going to solve anything. I'm open to nearly all suggestions but smacking is not one.

OP posts:
IWorkAtTheCheescakeFactory · 17/11/2019 23:36

Happily ignore that idiot OP. They clearly haven’t a clue how to raise children.

Venger · 18/11/2019 00:05

She needs a good snack on her bottom

Smacking is never the answer and is particularly abhorrent when directed at a child who potentially has a neurodevelopment disability.

hoorayforharoldlloyd · 18/11/2019 06:19

Love it when a goady idiot messes up their own post and looks additionally foolish.

Kit kats on her bottom won't help...

Haven't got any tips OP but really good luck - definitely try SN boards, for support as much as advice.

paintedfences · 18/11/2019 07:56

What about an actual padlock with a key, which you can thread through the harness to stop her undoing it?

drspouse · 18/11/2019 07:59

Because THAT won't be unsafe in a crash at all.

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