Help Please Teen DD, Ketamine & Contacting Friends DM. WWYD

[killerKetInMyHomeHelp]

Long time intermittent regular, name changed. Penis beaker, Pom bears, naice ham etc . Not so much an AIBU, I'm sure I will be considered to be in part U by some of you, but if it keeps my DD safe from harm, I really don't care about crossing boundaries. I'm posting here from traffic, I hope you'll understand.

I'll try & keep it brief, but it's going to be difficult without drip feeding.

A few days ago whilst hoovering DDs room. She is just barely 17, I found a small plastic bag with the residue of off white powder in it. We approached it calmly with her & she denied all knowledge of it, insisting one of her friends must have dropped it & that she didn't know what it was, but it could be mdma or Ketamine as that's the only drugs she's known of in her circle. I tasted it in front of DD, partly to see if she'd own up as it could be dangerous to me & partly to see if I could work out what it was. Neither worked, We reminded DD that her not insignificant medical problems made this a ridiculous thing fir her to take as she was high risk for a bad reaction & death. About 20 minutes later my heart was racing, I have a minor heart complaint that made this a big concern so I went back to DD & told her I was scared that whatever was I that bag was strong & was affecting me & depending on what it was I would need to go to A&E. She again denied knowing what it was, insisting someone had dropped it.

My iPad used to be DDs, I sometimes get notifications of instagram messages & can see the header. Message from her close friend saying "mums just found Ket in my room," so I went onto her laptop & to the messages & basically friend has told her DM the same lie mine told me & her mums accepted it. How relieved they are to get away with it etc.

There's so much more to this as to where this drug is coming from, past worry of her drug taking, Ketamine I'm told is an out of town favourite & the connections there have already thrown up a scary situation where an obsessive lad was messaging DD about his rape fantasy about her, ahead of him being sectioned. DD had stayed at his house & this is a tucking date rape drug!!

I'm so hurt she's putting her self at risk in this way, I'm so hurt that she knew what was in the bag & yet didn't tell me when I was worried my heart rate was going nuts. I'm so hurt that it was on the gucking floor & could have killed our kitten. I can't believe she is this fucking stupid when she knows exactly how bad her health can get if she isn't very careful.

I tackled her this morning & without owning up to reading her messages, I said I was contacting her friends DM as she needed to know they were using this. Seems from that it's just the girls that have the connection to this out of town area & she's begged me not to tell her friends DM as she will be in so much trouble, telling me about her friends DM finding the same thing I did & friend has just lied to her, so basically owning up to the messages.

I am contacting the friends DM, they both need protecting & she's tge one that insists on keeping contact with the out of Towners, especially the manipulative creepy lad who was sectioned & is now out. Came out to a fucking party put on by his DM, with the instructions no drugs in the house, but he gardens ok. Huge pressure on my DD to go & it's clear DD worries that she might lose her best friend if she says how she really feels about this lad

Urghhhhh!! How to I go from here, I've read her the riot act & not held back saying how fucking stupid she is for putting herself at risk like this. She insisting that she didn't realise that this drug is one of the reasons she needs specialist anaesthetic fir surgery, dental work etc, but we've always spoke openly about drugs & made damned sure that she knew she's a high risk fir serious harm.

I do want to contact the other DM, if it were me I'd want to know, but I don't know her at all & only have contact details for her because she took something I freecycled & it ended up in the photos of a party DD was at, so we swapped messages about how funny that was & relising our DDs are good friends.

HTF do I word such a message

You need to speak to friends parents and tell them what’s going on ( whether they will believe you or thank you is another matter!)
Im not sure how you can get through to your dd, if even with a heart condition she is still doing this.
I still think it was reckless to try it, reckless to you and sends a bad message to your dd.
I don’t actually think you were that bad reading her messages, if she is putting herself at risk she is showing good judgement, but at 17 it’s a struggle.
I knew people who dabbled with this years ago, they are all fine now, however i always thought it risky, even then!

Even if she thinks she's taking ketamine (and god knows why she would want to) there's no quality control so if the op didn't have a typical reaction that could be down to it actually being something else in entirely.

As awful it is, these things seem to be the norm these days I’m only 25 and when I was 18 drugs were very rare in my circle where now I don’t know any of my friends who haven’t done drugs and some of them do them every week when out drinking and socialising. I know of 16/17 year olds doing drugs too but they don’t seem a bat an eyelid. I don’t know when or how it became the norm

Just re read my post and just to make it clear I don’t agree with drugs!

I'm 13 years older than you @pussinboots25 and drugs were pretty much compulsory when i was growing up! Far worse than now - and the fact that these sorts of threads are relatively rare on MN says a lot.

@Far2go46 but she’s already heading for one and is lying to her own family and still seeing a man who she knows had rape dreams about her. She playing with fire, she won’t listen to her worried family, so she needs a wake up call. Police won’t arrest her if she’s not in possession.

Ketamine is an anesthetiser for large animals, horses in particular.

My friend a surgeon who specialises in bladder problems has had to remove bladders from people who take this, suggest stupid daughter and friend read about people whose wee goes into a bag outside their body. Very sexy.

I fail to understand why modern youth is so stupid with regard to dangerous drugs. They are supposed to ‘know everything’

Sorry.... But out of all of that....

You have a heart condition but you tried it, in front of your daughter to maybe work out what it was. How would you know?

What a stupid thing to do

Hi all,

Thanks to all of you who have left helpful supportive replies, I have taken all of your comments on board & working through this.

I am in contact with the other DM now & she has been great, we've worked together & compared notes without them knowing in order to get to the full truth. Friends DM had thought another girl was the source of the drugs as she's knew, but I managed to rule her out.

From what we now know, both if us feel confident we have the whole truth & thankfully it could be a lot worse than it is as it's very infrequent use & my DD has already stopped as she doesn't like it. Friends use is a bit more questionable as her DM found 2 old drug bags & it has turned out the one we found might actually be hers too as she's owned up to losing one bag of amphetamine 🤢 which explains a lot. DD had no clue this was even a drug they could buy & was genuinely horrified fir her friend & didn't know it was hers. Initially it was thought to be another close friend who we've known since she was 6. This friends DD knew had a drug problem & she has been working hard to stop her friend & insists that friend is now clean & sorting herself out. DD cried hard talking about supporting her friend through it & she's had a lot I her young shoulders that she should have been able to ask for help for, but felt she couldn't out of loyalty to her friend.

As you can imagine that's now 2 of DDs friends that have brought drugs into our home, so really pissed off about that, but we are now on it with all of the girls & families & all girls have been horrified when they've actually realised what could have happened. Photos of young girls with bladder bags got through & visibly shocked them

The drug use does seem to be historic, definitely so in DDs case as she panicked when she felt ill & it's put her off & probably so in the friends case, though the fact she even hid it from her close friend is a concern, but her DM & DD are both on it. We've sat them both down & made them read articles about the effects of ketamine & other drugs as both have owned up to using that.

It's been a wake up call for us all of us, as we've done all of the drug talks, shared info with them etc & in typical teenage fashion, it's been ignored & not even digested properly as they didn't know things about the drugs they were taking that we've already given them information on.

We will be investing in a drug test kit & DD has been told that she'll be randomly tested & if she wants to live under our roof, she can't refuse. She agreed easily & swears she's already learnt her lesson, but we won't be complacent after all of the lies. Thanks fir the film tips too, we will be having movie night fir the lot of them soon

In answer to some of your questions, yes UK, my Deep South was mimicking the phrase used by a poster above.

County lines, yes it's something we unfortunately know too much about as close friends nephew & family friend got caught up in it, with very scary consequences. Yes the satellite town is a big risk of this, but DDs friends tend to present themselves in a way that makes them stand out too much to be targets, plus the girls all have very striking looks, so again get noticed too easily to be of interest to County Lines & they are all very aware of it anyway because of what happened to our friends lovely, quiet, inconspicuous nephew.

No need to inform police about the satellite town rape fantasy lad as without outing, the police are well aware in a very spectacular way. DD has also made it clear that she hates him & does keep away from him, but felt annoyed that we were telling her what to do.

I think I covered everything, apologies if not, it's been a tough few days

Thanks again to those of you who have helped

Oh & as for invading her privacy. I don't give a flying fuck about that. I work on the rule of whether I'd forgive myself if anything happened & I didn't act. Plus we pay fir access to social media & if keeping her safe from killing herself with drugs, means checking her social media & messages when we are worried, so be it

Absolutely. That's the least of your worries right now

I work on the rule of whether I'd forgive myself if anything happened & I didn't act

Should be every parents first rule!