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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

5 weeks pp, school run, feeding twins...

63 replies

SleepingStandingUp · 16/11/2019 22:26

Posting for traffic, not an Aibu unless its Aibu to be stressed about this.

DH will be back at work at latest 5 wks pp. I have 4 yo to get to and from school. 20 minutes walk each way, plus the usual faff in the middle dropping him off, talking to 121 etc. He's on o2 so I go into the cloakroom and hand him over not just dump at the gate and run. So essentially an hour each way.

But what do I do if they start screaming for a feed 10 minutes into the walk? I can't really leave them til we get home.

Surely they're too young to be got into a feeding regime?

I could sit in Re eptiom after drop off and feed them but if I have to do that either side I'll basically never leave!!

Anyone got any advice or reassurance??

OP posts:

underneaththeash · 16/11/2019 22:31

Do any of the patents from his class live nearby? Don’t be shy about asking, must parents would be glad to help in a short term basis until they get a bit bigger. Even one day a week would make your life easier. Does your eldest 1-2-1 have an ema you could use to communicate?

Otherwise, if you’ve no-one to ask, they’ll have to be hungry for a bit until you get to school.

Foldinthecheese · 16/11/2019 22:33

By five weeks my twins were fairly reliably on three hourly feeds, but it depends if you’re breast or bottle feeding. In that situation I would aim to get everything else sorted and feed them just before I left. I would also use dummies, which I found invaluable in keeping them calm until I could get to a place to feed them. Realistically, this is the sort of thing where you may get caught out a few times, and it will be miserable, but before you know it they’ll be into a routine and the stress of those early weeks will be a distant memory. Good luck!

Original poster

SleepingStandingUp · 16/11/2019 22:40

Does your eldest 1-2-1 have an ema you could use to communicate? pardon?

Two local mums in our estate, both of whom I get in with. But it's the o2 that makes me reticent to ask. One Mom walks, only known her since Sept and I think asking her would be a bit much. Other Mom drives but already has 3 kids Inn car seats in the car, physically don't think she'd fit him in and walk them all in.

Good to know Fold re feeds. At 5 weeks DS was still in hospital on tube feeds so this is the first time of me having newborns. I'm hoping to bf but I'm aware how hard that'll be so prob combo.
Feeding just before we leave is a good idea, DH will leave house 10 mins before us so he can sort 4 yo, I can feed babies and hope that'll last us. There is a Subway mid point 😂

OP posts:

MyDcAreMarvel · 16/11/2019 22:42

DH will leave house 10 mins before us
Does the school not have a breakfast club dh could drop ds at?

Hugtheduggee · 16/11/2019 22:44

If bf, just feed them in the sling as and when they want it. Just if they fall asleep, put them down (so take a pram as well) in case the second twin also wants a feed.

DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 16/11/2019 22:46

I don't have twins but I had DC2 in Aug and my DC1 started school in Sept.
I just did as much as I could change, feed, into a carrier and went, mostly he went to sleep but once (made the mistake of trying the bassinet) he cried the whole way and I had to feed him right at the gates.

2 must be a lot harder so I'm sending full respect and sympathy.

ruralcat · 16/11/2019 22:48

I'v just had DC3, I'll be resuming the school run at about 4 weeks pp. I think I just have to be prepared for there being some screaming. I'm actually thinking about getting a sling as it generally calms them down to be carried and there's potential to feed, maybe you could do the same. Have one twin in a pram and one in a sling so you can carry the one which is being more fussy.

Original poster

SleepingStandingUp · 16/11/2019 22:50

Does the school not have a breakfast club dh could drop ds at?
It's full, they'd have to pay 121 to work overtime and he catches bus in opposite direction.

Hugtheduggee I'm not sure I can manage them both in a double sling, plus the pram and holding on to DS. I'm not saying others don't but the thought of that and somehow getting them latched on whilst sauntering along honestly makes me unable to breathe

OP posts:

inwood · 16/11/2019 23:44

Feeding them both in a double sling is not practical, at all! I think you need to draft in help, can you get a cm to take dd who would be happy with the o2, or breakfast club and DH drop him off?

What about pick up too?

I have twins, trying to think of practicalities to help. Do you expect them to be near to term?

inwood · 16/11/2019 23:45

Sorry just saw your response about breakfast club.

How are finances, can you pay for help?

Kittygirl47 · 16/11/2019 23:47

Um, it’s not like you’re saving the planet (far from it) so stop martying yourself

ImSpeakingFigurativelyOfCourse · 16/11/2019 23:53

When I worked as a 121 in a school, there was always at least one other person who was trained to care for those children who needed the support. Is this the case in your DS school? Maybe another member of staff who isn't his official 121 could watch him during breakfast club? I know you said its full, but given your situation, maybe they could make a temporary allowance?

turnthebiglightoff · 16/11/2019 23:54

@Kittygirl47 fuck off you dick.

Original poster

SleepingStandingUp · 16/11/2019 23:54

How am I martying myself @Kittygirl47?
I'm not suggesting my panic isn't irrational, thst why I'm after ideas of other woken who have done it. God forbid I'm using MN for Mom advice...

@inwood can you get a cm to take dd who would be happy with the o2, or breakfast club and DH drop him off? finances wouldn't enable cm, even if I could book one thst quickly, and sort o2 training. If the local Mom who drove had one more seat in her car, I'd def ask her as it would be easier in a car and I could probably pay her off in wine 😂
Babies are scheduled for delivery at 36 weeks ("I'm 32 now) , currnetly sitting around 6p-70th percentile so hoping for decent weights and home quickly. If DH can't get the extra leave he goes back back at 3 weeks pp but he should get late starts to help with drop offs. Grannies should be able to help with some pick ups

OP posts:

Original poster

SleepingStandingUp · 16/11/2019 23:58

@ImSpeakingFigurativelyOfCourseyeah there's a few and it's more carrying hsi o2 than anything major Tbh, but it's more scho having the money to cover it. They're doing it delivery day for us, I guess it wouldn't hurt to ask, even if it was just a few days

OP posts:

tinysnickersaremyfavourite · 17/11/2019 00:04

Hiya, I'm a breastfeeding peer supporter.
I would suggest that you try to feed the twins right before leaving to try and tank them up so they'll be fine at least until you get to school. You'll probably find they nap in the pram if you do that.
You can get twin feeding pillows to help you feed both at the same time.
Dummy is also worth considering, but be aware that they can interfere with latch in some babies if used early on, and be careful not to miss feeding cues as a result.
You need to train DC1 into a strict morning routine starting now, so they can put on their coat and shoes and grab bag independently while you sort the babies.
Pack bag and lay out coat and shoes ready by the door the night before.
It might be tricky in the early weeks but you'll settle into a routine and be fine.

inwood · 17/11/2019 00:06

@SleepingStandingUp have you decided how it want to feed or are you going to see what happens?

managedmis · 17/11/2019 00:11

Yeah, the grannies need to be be helping out to be honest. Just one way would make a massive difference

You're gonna need help

Original poster

SleepingStandingUp · 17/11/2019 00:22

@tinysnickersaremyfavourite yeah that's a good point re prepping night before, I'm awful at it but actuly it would help. DS isn't greatly independent of a morning (first born+ some complex needs = admittedly quite indulged child) but he is getting there and yes, we need op be stricter on this the last month before they come.

@inwood I want to bf, but I'm also fairly sensible about how easy that will be once I'm in my own. If I can bf morning before school that would be quickest and DH can help sort DS but I struggled pumping at home with DS, he never latched for bf and that was just us two home all day so I know combi is a realistic chance

I hate asking for help. I just hate feeling beholden and giving away control. I know I need to get over it 😂

OP posts:

wintertime6 · 17/11/2019 00:28

If your DH is only leaving the house 10 minutes before you, then I'd get him to leave a little later for a month or so and he can drop DS to school. That will take the pressure off in the mornings until you get into a routine.

GrumpyHoonMain · 17/11/2019 00:33

Telling OP to get help is ridiculous. Most people can and do handle this situation themselves! Suggest you feed them both before you go while your DH gets the eldest ready. Then it should hopefully just be a matter of taking them to school.

NoSquirrels · 17/11/2019 00:36

You need to get some help in. Even just short-term, getting grandparents to commit to fixed days to help out, paying someone to stay with twins while you do drop-off, getting a taxi etc. Think creatively about who can do what.

Parents of multiples I know say they HAD to be more scheduled and ruthless about it all, so babies actually got into more of a schedule quicker than PFB singletons.

Do you have a Twins Club group near you? They’ll often have people who can offer support.

Can your DH vary his hours now? Put in a flexible working request?

Original poster

SleepingStandingUp · 17/11/2019 00:37

I'd get him to leave a little later for a month or so and he can drop DS to school it's not him I'd have to tell, it's his boss!! We reckon if he does drop off at best he'd be 45 minutes late for work, but sometimes the buses are crap and it'd be more like an hour. No flexie working hours, thry just doc his pay. If he can't get Al in the Jan this is our plan for a few weeks however, but just mindful that we can only ask if it's possible, not insist.

OP posts:

NoSquirrels · 17/11/2019 00:38

Telling OP to get help is ridiculous. Most people can and do handle this situation themselves!

Most people don’t have an eldest with additional needs (CO2, etc) at the same time as twins - of course they don’t! It’s absolutely completely and utterly reasonable to get help in this scenario.

Homemadearmy · 17/11/2019 00:40

Not twin, but I had a breastfeed newborn, I always woke him to feed at 7.30 and that would carry him through until after the school run. I know a feeding schedule isn't really the done thing, but I wouldn't have survived without it

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