5 weeks pp, school run, feeding twins...

[SleepingStandingUp]

Posting for traffic, not an Aibu unless its Aibu to be stressed about this.

DH will be back at work at latest 5 wks pp. I have 4 yo to get to and from school. 20 minutes walk each way, plus the usual faff in the middle dropping him off, talking to 121 etc. He's on o2 so I go into the cloakroom and hand him over not just dump at the gate and run. So essentially an hour each way.

But what do I do if they start screaming for a feed 10 minutes into the walk? I can't really leave them til we get home.

Surely they're too young to be got into a feeding regime?

I could sit in Re eptiom after drop off and feed them but if I have to do that either side I'll basically never leave!!

Anyone got any advice or reassurance??

No flexie working hours, thry just doc his pay. If he can't get Al in the Jan this is our plan for a few weeks however, but just mindful that we can only ask if it's possible, not insist.

No one can insist and they can give business reasons why they can’t offer it, but there’s a formal process everyone is entitled to go through so I’d definitely start there if you can - it would remove a big layer of stress.

Assume neither of you drive, OP?

Alas no @NoSquirrels. Every time I say I'm going to learn, the kids s rew it up (was gonna try again June, got pregnant May...)

Agree Re work, and they have said they'll be flexible but just want to get on with it without putting toomany people out I guess, like @GrumpyHoonMain said, an hour round trip twice a day with fairly newborn twins and a 4 yo is what people do every day without ever needing help so I really shouldn't need any 🤔🙄

Can you contact the HV/school or education authority and find out if they will provide school transport for your ds. Twenty minutes either way every day when you have a child on oxygen and two babies is a lot. Where I live, many children with SEN are provided with a taxi and an escort. I would ask if this is possible. You won’t know until you ask.

I did this - it was actually fine, this was my schedule;
Six am we would feed (in bed) on and off till 7:30. Then I’d do a nappy change (leaving them both in sleep suits - I only changed their babygrows at night after bath time unless they messed them) then they would be left in a play pen or cot with a musical mobile or something while I got the older child up, dressed and fed. I had clothes ready for them the night before, including shoes, bag and coat. Whilst older one eats at the table - around eight am, top up tandem feed offered to babies, even if asleep. Then into the buggy and up to school. Our school had a community room so I’d go in there and feed single baby whilst other mothers held the other. You could do this in a cafe or friends house, or maybe tandem feed in a quiet room in school and do another nappy change before heading home. Often mine slept really well between 9:30 and 10:30. Whatever happened through the day I’d always make sure at 2pm I was somewhere I could offer a tandem feed for about half an hour or more if needed then a nappy change, meaning by 2:45 I could load up for the next school run. They often slept through this and were up from 4:30pm so I could have tummy time etc, or play with all three together then feed again at half five (giving the older child a light snack) before starting dinner at 5:30 then getting them bathed and ready for bed while it cooked. I learned how to eat my dinner while tandem feeding which made things very efficient. I ate out most lunchtimes at very cheap cafes as I was single and it was my one treat. It actually gave a great structure to the day and my twins are nearly fifteen now and excellent sleepers! Good luck you’ll be fine!

@Homemadearmy yeah I'll have 5 weeks to work out just how early to wake them for a feed I guess, they're going in tbe pram in clean nappies but last night pajamas tho!! 😂

No really local twins club, and all my local friends have school age kids at school elsewhere. Flexible working would equal paycut, which isn't ideal but the late starts of a morning and asking about breakfast club is a good idea, I just have to get over myself and ask for help

I also used babygros only, night and day - no mucking around at all trying to wrestle them into tops, trousers, socks jumpers - easier on the laundry too!

I do understand the urge to just ‘cope’, I really do - but the most adult thing to do for all the small people relying on you and your DH is to ask for help from as many places as you can. It’s not to help you - you can cope. It’s to help your DC - they all need what they need and you’re it, so if other people can support you, you can nurture them.

It takes some reminding to yourself if you usually find it hard to ask for help, but it’s worth it. There’s stuff only you can do (e.g. breastfeed), stuff only your DH can do (e.g. do his job) and stuff that’s a mixture or that anyone can do. Sorting out which is which is the charm.

@Caledoniahasmyheartforever were less than a mile away. We might walk very slowly inbewteen hugging favourite trees and so on. I'm sure it's meant to be quicker!

@trashcanjunkie thank you, thats a really thorough schedule, I guess that's what it's going to take!! With DS because he was tube fed when he came home we had set feeding times but I knew how long it would take but very little other structure, I'd just tube fed him wherever we were so I think you're right in thst I just need the discipline of a well oiled plan!!

It's really helped having people's assurances that it's OK to ask for help and that I can do it if I'm organised enough (my principle weakness in life is organisation but I can compensate by being massively over planned so this will help!!) just pre twin jitters lol. Everyone keeps asking how I'm feeling about it and I'm still alrevyl in denial abouthow we cope, cos I very much understand we'll cope cos we have no alternative

@NoSquirrels thanks, you're right. Just we've coped primarily on our own with DS's needs so it feels hard now asking for what we hope will be healthy babies. It's only in due to scans etc with the twins that MIL has done school pick up and thus learnt how to change his o2 over from portable to electric. No one else does his tube feeds but me and DH. THEY COULD learn but have always been wary and I've been too proud to push it

I breastfed twins and has a 4 year old I was a single parent - had grandparents support for first week at 8 days i did first school run.
Everything I could arrange was done the night before,
I taught my eldest to be as independent as possible (has sen and medical needs),
The twins were breastfed for 14months I managed so long because from day 1 they were woken and fed at the same time - advised by a midwife of twins not standard advice but it was a life saver for me,
I fed at 6am and then would do a 15 minute top up feed before we left.
While I did top up feed ds was aloud to watch 1 TV programme if he was ready for school - this 1.meant he'd move heaven and earth to be ready and 2.would mean he wouldn't mess his school uniform up just before we left.
I think my coping strategies were organisation (as soon as we returned from a trip out nappy bag was repacked), routine and reduced my expectations of self.
I couldn't express well with first but with twins I had loads! I expressed and froze dt2 would take a bottle so when I was out I bf dt1and use a bottle for dt2 it meant I could keep to my strict feeding regime - it's near impossible to discreetly tandem feed!
It's doable try not to worry having twins is exhausting but amazing mine are 10 and they survived my strict routines in the early days!

@Butterfly02 thanks, sounds like you smashed it and again tbe message is a really strict routine. I'm perhaps being a bit overly precious about the pram etc after a C Sec but first time round with a long hospitalisation for DS I just walked too and from his incubator each morning and night so I recovered really well,this time I'm worried about over doing it and all lthe horror stories I've heard

Hi op,
I have a 10 year old on oxygen ( he has 2-1 at a specialist school because of health needs and multiple diagnosis)
He did used to get transport to school ( a taxi ) with a lovely escort paid for by the local authority but I do drive him now as he was having too many seizures and I was worried sick.
The escort was trained for him though with the oxygen.
You can phone them up and arrange for an assessment as he has additional needs.
The other option is requesting an assessment by social services children with disabilities team ( not the same as child protection) and ask for direct payments.
You could find a childminder to pick him up and take him to school and bring him back or have a carer take him out at the weekend for a couple of hours or both.
My little boy has had the same 2 carers for 4 years and I swear he likes them better than me 😂
Every Saturday he makes them catch buses for 3 hours!
My son is really high needs , I'm not sure of your situation but generally it's just 1-2 help not 2-1.
Don't struggle and don't be afraid to ask for help.
Absolutely nobody will hold it against you.

I've been too proud to push it

Thing is, people like to be needed. Twins changes the landscape of your life - roll with it and start being honest about how much it would take a weight off your minds if you keep other people could cope with O2 changes etc. Even if you never have to ask them once they’ve learned, the option being there is a big reassurance. If you have your hands full feeding twins and someone needs to step in under your guidance, you’ll be prepped and ready.

Thing is there isn't thst many people to ask. Dsis doesn't drive and has a child 18 months younger. Other DS doesn't drive, works part time and has a child 12 months younger. DM is child care for Dsis who works part time so if I ask for help it has to be around her irregular shift pattern. Which leave DMil who is great and will help but was a carer for DFil for years until he passed a year ago so is slowly getting her own life back so I don't want to be a burden. But I have already mentioned pick ups to both granny's, cried at DH at having to ask but sucked it up.

@MzPumpkinPie I'll ask our lovely SENCO but honestly don't think we qualify, his only additional needs now really are his o2 and tube feeds, his in a mainstream s hook less than a mile away and his 121 is part time

Also I'm realising I'm gonna have to be up at 6 am which frankly terrifies me more than natural child birth to twins 😂😂 as you can tell I'm not a great sleeper 🤣🤣

No real advice but when DC3 was born I had one at school and one at nursery so 3 trips a day up and down to school. On the whole when DS was very little the walk in the pram would just send him over to sleep so it was usually always fine. We had the odd day where he cried but it was just a case of grin and bare it for us all and most times he would end up falling bake to sleep again.

If you can use a dummy great and I would say get DH to do DS breakfast and get dressed and you get the babies fed and changed even if they are fed an hour before you leave they should be able to hold out until you get back ie 2 hours

Good luck !

@SleepingStandingUp his only special needs are pretty serious.
You're just so used to it , you don't see it.
I was the same for years myself.
My eldest has cerebral palsy and because he can talk ( far too much haha ) I thought aw he's ok.
He won't need any extra help.
I know families who get free transport or respite via direct payments for ADHD / ADD, every level of asd, downs etc being tube fed or just because the parents are knackered or need a break.
Not income related. Ask senco . I'm sure you 100% qualify

Could you afford to pay his PT 1-2-1 to do pick up from your house and to school?

DM is child care for Dsis who works part time so if I ask for help it has to be around her irregular shift pattern.

Can you lean a little on your sis to sort some shift patterns that free your mum up a bit? Just short term? Seems unfair if she’s monopolising your mum - is your sister a lone parent?

@NoSquirrels part time 121 works afternoons only so no help really. Dsis works in a shop, she has no control over her shifts at all and is having to book tbe day off the twisn are delivered to ensure she can do school run as Dm Has commited to picked DS up and dropping his to respite for us, because she has no control over it. She's not a line parent, but was raised by DM and I wasn't so it's jsit a different dynamic, and I guess partly born of DSIs asking for help and we never have. She has said she can help with pick ups and Dmil is more flexible so maybe this will be tbe push to make me ask for help and her actually give it.

Try not to listen to the horror stories you need to do what's right for your family.
My eldest is tube fed only me (and him now he's older do it) I did try and teach dg however because they didn't do it regularly they forgot stages so if I've ever needed assistance since (very rare we ask) but I'd ask for gp to do generic task eg ironing while I did tube feed. I'm also to proud to ask!
Just make life as simple as possible for yourself - make sure you have a ton of baby gros mine lived in them so much easier.
Have a sling if one twin didn't settle I'd put them in sling so I could get on with things.
You don't need to bath them everyday.
My mum would come over one evening a week to help she watched the twins while ds1and I had quality time longer bathtime and extra stories etc.
Multi-tasking - while breastfeeding do older dc homework / reading.
Batch cook for those times when dt are not settling.
I had a natural birth but have since had numerous surgeries in that area just keep mobilising little and often also I did school run with grandparents day 7 to see if I could manage so perhaps try with dh before he returns to work.
Take each day as it comes and problem solve each issue. I actually found twins easier than ds1 who had traumatic birth and medical and sen needs.
I did do a few things differently with twins - they were never off reigns out of the house till I could trust they wouldn't run off in opposite directions, I was stricter with routine, I said no to visitors coming if it meant I wouldn't get any rest, I listened to the advice of others but if it didn't fit my family I didn't do it - you have a unique set of circumstances you and dh know what's best for your family. Best wishes.

Also my ds1 ges disability living allowance - have you applied if not do so I didn't until he was 13 (like you I didn't see his extra needs as such a problem because it was normal to me) it did two things having dla 1.gave me the money to cover hospital visits so my everyday money wasn't been spent on car parking and two it opened doors for ds1 school suddenly sat up and supported him, he has had a grant from family fund which has paid for a computer so if he's not well enough for school he can do some work at home. Some charities will only provide support for people on certain levels of dla worth applying for ime.

My twins slept in the pram, being out in the cool air but wrapped up snug they loved it. They likely won’t wake in the walk too and from but I’d recommend feeding them just before you leave if you can.

Also get a buggy board for DS so you can move a bit faster if you can tell they’re getting fractious.

Good luck! Twins are amazing

While I haven't had twins, one thing I found useful was to do the school run before my other half returned to work. It gave me the opportunity to figure it out with a safety net.

With having twins and an older child you might be able to get homestart depending on where you are. This is where a volunteer can come to your house to help you get out and about. Being a twin mum I strongly recommend that if you plan on breast feeding joining the twin mums breastfeeding group on Facebook 0they are amazing and will be able to answer all your worries about this with advice on what worked for them. They also have admins that are very highly qualified as lactation consultants so can help with all aspects of breastfeeding twins.