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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask people not to just walk on by?

144 replies

aibutohavethisusername · 16/11/2019 16:18

I had a fall earlier, tripped over a loose paving slab and hurt my ankle and wrist. My pride was the most damaged thing. I’m fine now.

People around me just carried on walking or stares at me. Nobody checked to see if I was OK.

It makes me sad to think that the world we live in is so uncaring nowadays.

OP posts:

TheQueef · 16/11/2019 17:12

it's ok I laugh bitterly too.
My DP almost asphyxiated himself he was laughing so hard, he staggered around the corner holding his chest the cunt

Elderflower14 · 16/11/2019 17:13

My lovely Wilf regularly helps. He picked an old lady up off the pavement, helped an old man up who fell running for a bus and looked after a fellow autistic young man on the bus when he was having a meltdown as his Mum was helping give first aid to a person having a seizure... In turn he has been helped many times most recently when he witnessed his former carer who's now a train conductor being verbally abused on a train. He got very distressed. A lady looked after him and eventually because the train broke down she gave him a lift home. ☺☺

dentydown · 16/11/2019 17:13

My partner fell off his bike and broke his nose. He was meeting me down the shops and took his push bike to speed up the process. He took his hand of the handlebar to wave and went down like a stone. We think he hit a drain and it made his wheel skid.
Naturally the first thing he checked was his phone. It wasn’t broken thank goodness, and when people came out from the shops to help and started to point out his reshaped nose and the blood, that’s when he realised it was serious. Luckily his nose reset itself with out any disfigurement.

Biggobyboo · 16/11/2019 17:15

I’ve helped a man passed out in the street before and waited until the ambulance came. Other people walked on by, some laughed at him...

Emeraldshamrock · 16/11/2019 17:16

@TheQueef I imagine you both laughed once the shock wore off. 🤣

CalamityJune · 16/11/2019 17:16

I do find this strange. I have always found people local to me really helpful if anyone has fallen or seems unwell.

A few stories that immediately spring to mind also include a shop that was being robbed, and people tried to apprehend the robbers, and a lady at a cash point whose money got blown out of her hand and people ran around trying to get it back for her. My mum slipped on ice in winter too and a teenage lad helped her up. I once had some young kids playing out knock on my door to tell me I had left my car headlights on.

It's sad that this doesn't appear to be normal. I appreciate that if something has happened and some people are already intervening then others will just walk on, as it seems somehow ghoulish to crowd round but if nobody is helping, I don't understand how people can just ignore?

thetinytyrantsmother · 16/11/2019 17:17

I fell when I was about 6 months pregnant (and definitely showing) pushing my daughter in the pram. I went down and took the pram backwards with me, a fella behind me on a bike started muttering about drunk people and rode off and left me. The only thing I'd drank was a cup of tea and it was about 1 in the afternoon! Thankfully somebody else came to help me, but some people really are arseholes.

PegasusReturns · 16/11/2019 17:17

My teen son fell off his bike recently - two (female) passers by stopped to help him. One with a tiny baby in a pram. The other put him in her car and drive him home to me. He wasn't hurt, just a bit shaken.

Such a kind thing to do

CheeseSandwitch · 16/11/2019 17:18

I've had the opposite problem to this, I offer help but am refused.

About 2 years ago now an older man collapsed in front of me. I rushed over to help and his I presume wife told to to leave him alone even after I stated clearly I was a first aider. I've had the same a few weeks back when an older lady fell at a bus stop and a few times in between.

I've seen children fall over in front of my home and rushed out with a first aid kit and they are always happy for my help.

The thing is, I look a bit 'alternative' with dyed hair and piercings and whilst kids are fine with it old people seem scared, even though all I want to do is offer help. It really feels harsh to be judged so badly that people don't want my help when they clearly need some help.

TheQueef · 16/11/2019 17:19

I was sooo embarrassed Emerald I'd started nervous giggling mid roll.
By the time I came to a stop I was in tears, wheezing laughing.
Naturally I'd pissed myself as well.

Greyhound22 · 16/11/2019 17:20

Where I used to work people trod over an elderly man collapsed in the snow outside for over two hours - the receptionist came and got me at this point as I was the first aider.

I went out to him and one of our senior work colleagues did the same and actually laughed at me as 'he was most likely drunk' and walked over him too.

I called an ambulance and tried to get him on his side but I'm only tiny and couldn't do it - hundreds of people walked past - a council worker in his van pulled over and came to help. He managed to get him in a better position and waited with us until the ambulance arrived. I still don't know if he was drunk or maybe he was diabetic as it can appear very similar but honestly who gives a shit - it made me sad that people thought as he was alcoholic they would just leave him to die in the snow. So basically - a lot of people are cunts.

I did go flat on my face a couple of years back walking the dog however and a car reversed all the way back down the road to see if I was ok.

ivykaty44 · 16/11/2019 17:20

I thought a lady came over to help you up? Another lady came over from the cafe and made sure you were ok

maslinpan · 16/11/2019 17:21

My DM lives in central London, she's 80 and blind. She constantly has people offering to help her, all ages, races and both genders.

TheSilveryPussycat · 16/11/2019 17:21

People have stopped to help me when I have fallen. The trouble is they want to get you on your feet straight away, when I need a couple of minutes to get my breath back after being winded by the fall. And I need to check myself for injury before getting up.

redchocolatebutton · 16/11/2019 17:22

yanbu
I would have at least asked if you are ok. I even catch runaway toddlers

I think you were unlucky that no one stopped.

donquixotedelamancha · 16/11/2019 17:22

People around me just carried on walking or stares at me.

Good god, where do you live OP? I've never seen anything but the complete opposite.

Biggobyboo · 16/11/2019 17:24

There is definitely a view that if you are presumed drunk or high on drugs or homeless, you deserve to be left to die. I find that viewpoint horrific.

I wonder how the people who walk on by will feel when they are elderly and fall over. Or have a diabetic episode. Or faint because they skip breakfast.

user1498572889 · 16/11/2019 17:24

@TheQueef. 😂😂😂

MsChatterbox · 16/11/2019 17:24

I read a post earlier about someone that tripped on a loose slab and hurt their ankle and wrist. They were helped by someone and felt embarrassed and afraid they were rude to them. Just putting this here as this post is like a crazy de ja vu!

lyralalala · 16/11/2019 17:24

My DD has narcolepsy and the way people treat her when she has cataplexy frequently dents my faith in humanity

One time when she was out, and had clearly banged her head and was bleeding, I was two floors up in the shopping centre waiting to meet her and seen it happen. By the time I got to the bottom the only person who had gone anywhere near her was someone who stole her bag

Another time when it happened to her in a shop she was moved by a man who used his foot to push her to the side out of his way

In the summer at a festival when it happened her top rode up showing a bit of her bra and while a group of older adults just ignored her or watched it was a young lad who put his hoodie over her to give her a bit of dignity

I dread every second she's ever out alone (which is rare now) as I don't trust other people to help her if she ever needs it

Littlemeadow123 · 16/11/2019 17:25

My grandmother fell getting off a bus and broke her hip. Some people stopped to help and most of them were nice. One of them wasn't because they took the opportunity to steal £40 from her purse.

Spinzy · 16/11/2019 17:25

I would help if the person was obviously injured... but I’ve also seen cases where the person seems ok and really, really embarrassed. I would pretend I hadn’t seen because they’re not injured enough to need my help and me asking “are you ok?” when I can’t do anything about it anyway will only increase their embarrassment.

I would also be wary of approaching anybody who looks like they might be on drugs, drunk, mentally unwell or involved in violence. That’s not to say that I wouldn’t help - I would phone an ambulance or police but I feel very uneasy out in public a lot of the time anyway and I’d worry about putting myself or the children in danger.

wonkylegs · 16/11/2019 17:26

I've had severe arthritis since I was 19 but it's most invisible unless you know and between my hips, knees & ankles conspiring against me have hit the deck publicly several times
I would say more times that not people have been very lovely - the only time that I thought "bloody hell, people are weird" was when I fell really badly into the concrete floor in IKEA, loads of people rushed over but the first 2 to speak didn't even ask how I was before they told me I should sue IKEA. (Was completely my fault my leg just gave out beneath me) Thankfully the Ikea staff pushed through the crowd and asked me if I thought I could get up, they then had several staff half carry me to a bench and then after the first aider had seen me, called and paid for a taxi to take me to a&e, asking if I had any family or friends they could call, giving me tea and cinnamon buns whilst I waited. Turned out I bruised the bone on my kneecap (took 7mths to heal) and sprained my wrist, which would have probably been worse if I hadn't already been wearing a brace.

jobbymcginty · 16/11/2019 17:26

An old man fell over at a bus stop they're was loads of other people there I had to park my newborn baby in his oram and help him up and check he was ok, he had cut all his lip . No one else bothered there backside what a awful world we live in now

Baguetteaboutit · 16/11/2019 17:26

I find people are pretty good, on the whole. I don't know if I have a 'help me, help me' kind of face but the few times I've needed help I've had assistance from concerned bystanders.

And I've always chipped in and helped others. I saw a young lad taking a beating from three lads at a bus station once so I pulled in to save him and then remembered I'm not a superhero - bottled it, locked the car door, wound the window down a little and yelled "I'm phoning the police!", which, thank God, was enough to stop them because my phone was out of power.

And before they had too long to think about it, another car pulled in from the other side of the road came and then they ran off.

So, it's not that I don't believe the op, I do but I don't recognise this society as this dark, selfish place that place where 9/10 times people would piss on you in a fire. That's not my experience.

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