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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want Primark to provide a women only changing room?

366 replies

Amelia1985x · 16/11/2019 15:22

I’m a regular Primark customer and was surprised to go the store yesterday and find all the changing rooms had been redesignated as mixed sex. The shop assistant told me not to worry, because most customers on the ladies’ floor were women, and anyway, she could see down the line of curtained cubicles and would challenge a “dodgy man”. When I questioned her about how she would spot one, she called the Manager as he could explain the policy better.

He told me the world was changing. I asked him why Primark had had sex segregated changing rooms in the first place. No answer. I asked him what specific legislative change or scientific discovery had occurred that made the world different to this time last year. No answer. He said that this arrangement was more inclusive for nonbinary people.

I explained that I didn’t feel that comfortable stripping to my knickers in a mixed area, and he told me I could always use the one disabled cubicle which has a lockable door. Clearly this has been designed for mixed sex use and did have a lock, but obviously I would then be blocking its use for a disabled person. He suggested there was no reason to be concerned. Yet when I think about me and my women friends, all our me-too moments, - of being flashed at, or masturbated at, sexual assaults and rapes – all have been my men.

The manager was unabashed. He said Primark had done research – even though he couldn’t produce it, and there were no leaflets or posters to explain this HUGE policy change to customers. He told me I was the only person who had ever complained.

So I guess this is what I want to know. Am I a dinosaur? Am I being unreasonable to want a women only changing room?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
hopelesssuitcase · 16/11/2019 23:55

I'll just repost my original point in case anyone is wondering what I'd said to make nogodsnomasters post a list of the jobs of a retail manager. I think what I wrote makes perfect sense to most people. This is a commonly used expression that doesn't mean that is someone's entire job description, but that it certainly should be part of it.
Why on earth shouldn't the OP complain to a store manager ? If he doesn't represent the store I don't know what he's paid for

QueenoftheBiscuitTin · 17/11/2019 00:20

Seeing as they only have bloody curtains, I wouldn't be too impressed.

humansarehorrible · 17/11/2019 01:04

@Livpool
transmen are men and transwomen are women, they don't want "trans only spaces"

Why is it always men are the problem. Women are predators too. They abuse men more emotionally than physically but men are just meant to put up with it. Women rape and sexually abuse too but majority of it goes unreported as we are brainwashed into thinking only men are rapists.

There is no problem with mix sex changing rooms. No one is naked in the changing rooms.

Why do women wear next to nothing in the summer and not have a problem with men watching them? Women wear bikinis at the beach, men can see you there as well.

To solve this problem women should stay at home in case they get offended by everything. (sarcastic)

notnowmaybelater · 17/11/2019 01:15

humansarehorrible crime statistics disprove everything you're saying about sexual crime.

The fact people with penises are the only people who rape under English law isn't a trans issue.

Oliversmumsarmy · 17/11/2019 01:17

The last time I was changing in Primark the shop assistant pulled back the curtain whilst I was in my underwear to say that there was a 2 person per cubicle policy and that with Dd aged 5 or Ds aged 3 needed to get put and get their own cubicle

I never change in Primark if it needs trying on then I don’t get it.

Eckhart · 17/11/2019 01:18

@notnowmaybelater Statistics prove that 100% of rapists are men, because rape needs a penis. Rape is not the only form of sexual crime.

Eckhart · 17/11/2019 01:20

@Oliversmumsarmy WTF?? That's appalling. You don't boycott the store?

Elloello · 17/11/2019 01:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LunchBoxPolice · 17/11/2019 02:22

transmen are men and transwomen are women
No they aren’t.

feelingverylazytoday · 17/11/2019 02:43

humansarehorrible
'There is no problem with mix sex changing rooms'. You mean you have no problem with them. That's fine, feel free to carry on using them. But fuck off telling other people they should use them if they don't want to.

'Why do women wear next to nothing in the summer and not have a problem with men watching them?'. It's a matter of choice and setting one's own boundaries. Wearing a bikini on the beach is not the same thing as getting undressed in a changing room.

darkside29 · 17/11/2019 03:19

Questions ...

Who actually asked for any of this to happen ?

Who was consulted ? Were large numbers of women consulted, for example ?

Who decided it had to happen right now, AND that no one could speak about it?

It is not possible to take any of this at face value. It has been imposed at scale, and rapidly: there is clearly large scale financing and influence behind it, enough to force it through against all usual consultations and advice.

APerkyPumpkin · 17/11/2019 07:03

Yes, making out that all men are a threat to women is sexism. It is offensive to the many millions of men who would never be abusive to women.

All men are a threat to women and girls. All of them. 2-3 women are killed by partners or ex partners each week. To say that your Nigel is fine so forget about safeguarding against all men is pretty naive don't you think? It is why same sex toilets exist in the first place.

MamaToTheBabyBears · 17/11/2019 07:16

@Livpool because they don't want a 3rd space. Many genuinely believe that they are actually a man or woman and no different from actual men or women. That is what they are campaigning. They want the world to completely disregard human biology and anatomy because reality hurts their feelings.

MamaToTheBabyBears · 17/11/2019 07:27

making out that all men are a threat to women is sexism

And surely so is the notion of feeling like you're really a boy/girl/woman/man? Very outdated and sexist, you can do whatever you want but it doesn't change the fact we're mammals.

I love the clownfish argument, are we being told they're really Amphiprionaes whose organs develop/change? Therefore they are not in fact humans? Or are they telling me that the fish's organs don't develop and it isn't a biological reality more something the fish wills?
Whichever it is, I'd like to see the science that proves it.

BillywilliamV · 17/11/2019 07:36

Meh, high street is dying. This sort of shit will just kill it off quicker!

BillywilliamV · 17/11/2019 07:41

My DH is absolutely NOT a threat to women though, neither is my fil or my brother or any number of men I know.
You might as well say that mother is a threat to her children because some women are abusive.
I suspect that same sex facilities were actuall put in originally for modesty purposes.

BillywilliamV · 17/11/2019 07:41

every mother..

Elisheva · 17/11/2019 08:02

I don’t understand why we can’t have women only changing rooms just because we want them. Why do we have to justify what we would prefer with crime and risk statistics, and argue whether men are or are not a risk. Why can’t we just say ‘We like having our own space to change’ and that is enough of a reason?

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 17/11/2019 08:07

Customers need to complain - and loudly - because I am sure plenty of staff disagree with these policies but fear losing their jobs.

Women deserve and need privacy when changing. And men should stay out of that. Especially ones feeding their own fetish.

MrOnionsBumperRoller · 17/11/2019 08:28

As a disabled person i object to the 'oh shove them in the cripple cubicle', no one gives a crap about us or stands up for our need for changing facilities we don't have to queue an hour to use.
Also what about women whose religious beliefs ban them from being in a mixed sex environment? Must they buy heaps of items, cart them home, try them on, cart them back queue again to return them?
Hopefully this will prove to be an own goal for Primark and help women to stop spending freely on the landfill churned out by this grotty craphole of a shop.

WineGummyBear · 17/11/2019 08:30

BillywilliamV I'm sure your husband is lovely.

My DH is not a sexual predator either and poses no threat to women.

However, both he and I know full well that there are very good reasons why he shouldn't be allowed in women only spaces.

Sexual predators don't wear a badge. A huge part of this whole debate is helping people to understand this point.

'my husband/ friend isn't dangerous' won't cut it here.

Baguetteaboutit · 17/11/2019 08:37

And the obligatory 'Not My Nigel' from BillyWilliamV, can't believe it took 7 pages.

APerkyPumpkin · 17/11/2019 08:40

My DH is absolutely NOT a threat to women though, neither is my fil or my brother or any number of men I know

Men are never a threat, until they are.

You think women who are murdered by their partner or ex partner thought they were in a relationship where they thought they were at risk? Nice victim blaming there. Well done.

MamaToTheBabyBears · 17/11/2019 08:44

Also what about women whose religious beliefs ban them from being in a mixed sex environment?

They no longer welcome them. The xenophobia in this country is awful. The first religion that comes to mind is Muslims. Do the general public collectively even care both Muslim women&men are no longer allowed into their changing rooms? Will this cause collective outrage? Some might feel safer. I think in this country it's harder for Muslims than it is for black people. I'm hoping devoted catholic's or Christians aren't allowed in them either, that'll cause more outage in this xenophobic/racist nation.

Eckhart · 17/11/2019 08:44

@darkside29 I'm sure it's to do with money. They can use more space for selling things if they're not using it having separate changing rooms. It really is highlighting an issue, though, isn't it. Seems we should be scared of men.

Mind you, sometimes women abuse their children. It's not unheard of. So we should all have a changing room each, right? A totally separate one with a door that locks.

@Elisheva For the same reason you can't have a free orange juice dispenser in your changing rooms. It costs the company more, and is based in what you want, rather than what you need.

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