To thing someone needs to do/say something?

[jamesforagirl]

A mum at school.... I think she needs an intervention of some sort but I don’t know if I’m overreacting and need to keep my nose out or not... Here are a few things...

Let’s call her Jane, divorced last year, very public and abusive about ex, yet he, Tim, comes to school none the wiser as not active on social media. Very nice man, though due to the information given by Jane, the school they don’t take any of his concerns seriously (his words), he seems the more sensible of the two.
Jane constantly shouts at her kids, I mean shouts really loudly, that the whole playground turn to look to see what’s going on. Complaints have been made about her doing this before as it’s very uncomfortable to see/hear. Generally a few f words thrown in for good measure.
Children are never in full uniform and buys them, for example, boots which are banned then complains publicly that other children have pointed out they are not allowed boots.
New boyfriend moved in 2 weeks ago, the children don’t like him as they say he shouts at them all the time, they’ve only been together 2 months. It’s all very intense, very soon. Initially Jane told the children they were moving 300 miles away to live with him, but 2 days later he moved in with them.
Children know a lot that they shouldn’t know about the divorce but entirely one sided view from Jane and they are only 4,6 & 8.
When 8 year old asked the best thing about an overnight trip, she said “being away from my family”.
Jane works hard and long hours, children are either with Janes Mum, their Dad or whoever volunteers via social media, although, no one tends to offer now as they will get dropped off at 7am and she expects them to be taken home at 10/11pm. I’m guessing the new boyfriend will now take over as he’s not working at the moment.
Jane has started letting the 6 & 8 year old walk 2.5 miles to school on their own, she will meet them at school but it’s not a particularly safe journey.
Social Services were involved at one point and her Mum was banned from collecting them or entering school premises, this has now been resolved and I don’t think SS are involved anymore.
I just have a gut feeling, that home is not “right”, they have everything money can buy materially, they are wealthy and have lots of nice, expensive “things” but I think they are lacking in everything else.
Help...

I think that if you feel thi gs arent right and have a gut feeling then you need to be the someone who does something. Too often noone says anything because everyone assumes someone else will. Maybe call the nspcc and relay your concerns to get a feel for if they are sufficient for safeguarding. It would be anonymous.

The shouting loudly and swearing at the children in public could constitute emotional abuse, and if her new partner shouts at them ( where do you have this info from?) That's obviously problematic too.

The ex husband thing is probably less bothersome.

How do you know this much about a mum at school and her private life?

@meow1989 the eldest child told a mutual friend of ours.

@churchandstate because she either puts it in social media or tells me or mutual friends.

If you have concerns about the children then contact ss

She tells you she’s giving her children a one-sided view of her divorce?

Are you 'Tim'?
You are, aren't you?

Timmy...

@churchandstate I know it’s a one sided view because the children say Mum says or she talks very openly to me and others in front of them. I.e adult chat rooms, texting etc. I know Tim doesn’t do that, but could potentially say other things but the children have never said. @hazell42 I am not Tim! I’m a 45 year old woman, who made “friends” with Jane about 5 years ago.

@churchandstate Timmy

i assume probably still on ss radar

i dont think shouting is a crime, obviously not nice, so you could report your concerns

I knew them both as a couple, but rarely see Tim but regularly see Jane.

“friends” indeed. Who needs enemies?

Anyway, to me, this woman sounds like what SS would probably consider a “good enough” parent. Not great, but not at a threshold warranting intervention.

But that’s just my view. Report if you think the children are at risk.

@EleanorReally No it’s not, and we all shout but it’s not a regular shout, it’s very very loud! With f words, in public.

You sound like a really nosey bastard! How can you possibly know all this about a school mum? If you've got concerns about something you've seen with your own eyes, report it. If you have concerns about who said what on social media, who seemed nicer during the divorce, how long she's been shagging some loser or what you've heard through a friend that an 8 year old may or may not have said then have a bloody word with yourself and mind your nosey business.

poor kids
tell school op

Please report. Safeguarding is everyone's responsibility- at worst life is uncomfortable for a while - at best you save children from emotional abuse that will impact their whole lives.
Think of the little lad that starved to death - others had seen him scavenging for food but no one did anything.

@churchandstate I’ve supported Jane and given her advice. Parenting, no one is perfect, but now the boyfriend has moved in I’m more concerned.

@ISmellBabies Thank you for your constructive input. As I have said, she tells me or puts in on social media, either publicly or in a group with school parents. She’s very open and direct.

Ismellbabies....thank god for nosey bastards. We would have a lot less dead and damaged children if more nosey bastards existed. You are not the parent being discussed are you? You sound very defensive.

Absolutely recommend you report, maybe nothing happens for the better, maybe something will. Either way the have to respond to a report.

You don’t have any information a legion of FB friends and other school parents don’t have, what sort of thing were you thinking of saying/ doing? And who do you want to say it? You?

On behalf of her vulnerable children thank you for being nosey. Please report.

Jamrsforagirl. Ignore the negative responses, I suspect tbe authors of those posts are recognising themselves in Jane. I would think that SSD still have this family on their radar however please do report. You can do it anonymously and if you don't want to contact SSD you can speak to the NSPCC. But more importantly, please do something.