To thing someone needs to do/say something?

[jamesforagirl]

A mum at school.... I think she needs an intervention of some sort but I don’t know if I’m overreacting and need to keep my nose out or not... Here are a few things...

Let’s call her Jane, divorced last year, very public and abusive about ex, yet he, Tim, comes to school none the wiser as not active on social media. Very nice man, though due to the information given by Jane, the school they don’t take any of his concerns seriously (his words), he seems the more sensible of the two.
Jane constantly shouts at her kids, I mean shouts really loudly, that the whole playground turn to look to see what’s going on. Complaints have been made about her doing this before as it’s very uncomfortable to see/hear. Generally a few f words thrown in for good measure.
Children are never in full uniform and buys them, for example, boots which are banned then complains publicly that other children have pointed out they are not allowed boots.
New boyfriend moved in 2 weeks ago, the children don’t like him as they say he shouts at them all the time, they’ve only been together 2 months. It’s all very intense, very soon. Initially Jane told the children they were moving 300 miles away to live with him, but 2 days later he moved in with them.
Children know a lot that they shouldn’t know about the divorce but entirely one sided view from Jane and they are only 4,6 & 8.
When 8 year old asked the best thing about an overnight trip, she said “being away from my family”.
Jane works hard and long hours, children are either with Janes Mum, their Dad or whoever volunteers via social media, although, no one tends to offer now as they will get dropped off at 7am and she expects them to be taken home at 10/11pm. I’m guessing the new boyfriend will now take over as he’s not working at the moment.
Jane has started letting the 6 & 8 year old walk 2.5 miles to school on their own, she will meet them at school but it’s not a particularly safe journey.
Social Services were involved at one point and her Mum was banned from collecting them or entering school premises, this has now been resolved and I don’t think SS are involved anymore.
I just have a gut feeling, that home is not “right”, they have everything money can buy materially, they are wealthy and have lots of nice, expensive “things” but I think they are lacking in everything else.
Help...

I probably haven’t given that great examples I.e the boots, but I was trying to explain (badly) how Jane will do things she knows are against rules and then complain on social media about it and act surprised when she new what would happen.

Okay, OP, but I don’t really see what that has to do with this. It’s not relevant to whether her children are well-cared for.

I'd raise any concerns with the schoole safeguarding lead, but be very clear what is of concern and why.
Whilst social media is not necessarily within the remit of what the school can look at in these circumstances, the fact that things are in the public domain may be of use to SS if the concerns raised warrant further investigation.

@churchandstate Like I said bad example. I read the awful things she wrote on social media about it so it means more than just her kid wore boots. Totally irrelevant in the grand scheme of things.

Jane is not a bad person I just think she needs some form of help but I don’t know what is, hence my post.

Is she also reacting about having been told what to do a lot behind closed doors - or manipulated through non aggressive, but definitely coercive control during her marriage?

I know that I had no idea why I was so bloody angry all the time when one ex was always so calm. It was only afterwards that I began realising I had constantly been pushed and pulled, told black was white and had my head messed around with every single moment of the day, right up to 'do you want a tea?' 'Yes please' (gets coffee) 'I asked for tea' 'No, you didn't, you're mistaken, you've forgotten already (sigh), oh, why do you have to be like this, and now you're angry at me for making you a drink!'

The boots thing... she called a child out for being a bully when she simply pointed out “boots are against the rules”. We’d all told her no boots before she bought them.

Possibly @MitziK, but the anger is worse now than it was whilst married. Or certainly more noticeable anyway.

That sounds like it could be an element of PTSD or just being able to express it now, rather than squashing it down for years.

The boots thing... she called a child out for being a bully when she simply pointed out “boots are against the rules”.

Was that your child?

@jamesforagirlPoor little rich kids seem to attract less sympathy to the poster calling you nosy .
Keep on caring x

@churchandstate I it wasn’t my child.

Personally, I don’t think children should be telling other children the rules. Although I don’t think it is bullying, when it comes to clothing/uniform issues it can cross into bullying behaviour, particularly as the ‘rule’ has not been broken by the child but by the adult, and it may be out of necessity and not choice. In general, it’s the teacher’s job to tell the students the rules, and that’s what I would tell my child every time.

About half of it sounds like sort of not great but not worth worrying about.
From a safeguarding standpoint I would be concerned about the new partner living in the house so quickly and the children not liking him. I'd be a bit concerned about why, is he why the little girl seems to think getting away from her family is the best part of a trip?

But also the dropping kids off at 7 and wanting to collect at was it 10?11? PM? At the ages of them kids why isn't she looking into a nanny to come around at 6:45, to wake the children, help them get ready for school then take them, and be there to collect, feed and take care of the kids until shes home from work? ... it seems a very strange set up. My DD is 11, and this was our only viable option when I went back to work, I wanted DD to be able to feel at home and have as little disruption to her routine as possible.

The biggest concern is that shes letting her 8? Year old walk 2.5 miles at 7am in the morning. Hardly even light at that time

When do the kids return home? Who's there to take care of them?

I'm sorry, but I would report to the school. They'll have their own concerns