Aibu to think Dh joking he’s going to leave me...

[Foxton20]

When the youngest is 18?

He has joked a few times and again today, joking that he has 15 years left.

Iv told him it upsets me but because we have a “banter” relationship that I should know it’s a joke.

It makes me feel so insecure.

It’s only a joke if it’s funny. Doesn’t sound funny to me.

Take him at his word and make sure you are sorted

I agree it isn’t funny

As a general rule, anyone who persists in doing something you've explained upsets you is a dick.

'Joke' back - "Ha fucking ha, 15 years is too long to wait. Let's make it 15 mins, I'll help you pack". And do it.

Mine said that, a few times, lighthearted, he announced he wanted to separate 6 days after DD's 18th

Many a truth is said in jest 🤷🏻‍♀️ Hopefully not in this case🌷

If he carries on being a dick like this it'll be a self fulfilling prophecy, because who would want to be with a dick who doesn't listen?

Jokes are supposed to be funny.

I don't think you are being unreasonable to be upset. I'd also be worried that there was some truth in it. Especially if you've explained that it upsets you and he keeps doing it.

He sounds like a knobhead tbh.

Does he ever say nice things?

Ouch. I had the 'banter' excuse. My DH like to have a laugh but that's just cruel. How's your relationship otherwise?

I wouldn't find this funny.

Hate not had

I think if something you say in jest upsets the one you love, you stop.

I would be furious.

Me and my DH banter like this all the time!!

However, we both find it funny.

If you don’t find it funny and it makes you insecure then he’s an idiot for continuing to do it.

Well you have 15 years to get your proverbial Mumsnet ducks in a row. I'd be ensuring single life is very comfortable, socially full and enriching, be that in 15 years or much much sooner.

He is either nasty and likes upsetting you, or he is unskilled at communicating and can’t find a way to say

“ I know this sounds really ungrateful because I really love the kids, but isn’t family life a bit of a slog sometimes. I do miss my single days of freedom. It doesn’t mean I don’t love you, I do , I really appreciate you, and I’m sorry I’m struggling, but sometimes I just feel like I’m not up to the tasks of being a proper adult.”

People can struggle with nuance, and not know how to hold conflicting feelings so it can come out sideways. As you are Experiencing, it’s a really destructive pattern.

Aside from this , do you feel loved generally in your relationship?

My parents used to 'joke' about who would move out when I turned 13. It was my Dad who did.

My oh does this also. But it is a joke. And only you know if you have this type of banter. Do you spent quality time together without the kids ?

Tell him he can go when the youngest is 3 if he likes. Prick.

@stucknoue Mine said that, a few times, lighthearted, he announced he wanted to separate 6 days after DD's 18th

What did you say to him?