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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask school staff whether they can share this info re a teacher?

151 replies

thenasdo · 14/11/2019 18:38

Am hoping there's some posters on here who work in schools and could shed some light on what may be going on.

DD is in Year 10, she has had the same form teacher since she started Year 7. She has always liked said teacher, and teacher makes special effort to get to know each student and support them if they have anything going on. The past few months DD has had a few issues with a group, ostracizing and bullying her.

Said teacher has been a great support to DD, while pastoral care in the school have brushed her off. Pastoral care seems to think that by Year 10 DD should be coping herself and they are still caught up helping the new Year 7's adjust. DD has only been able to cope going into school becuase this teacher offers her a safe space to go to at lunchtimes and talks to her etc.

However since Monday last week the teacher hasn't been in. The form has had a string of subsitutes. Other staff are being shifty about the teacher's absense and there seems to be some deliberate secrecy. She still has her name up on the school's website so it doesn't look as though she's been sacked. I am quite concerned though as this teachher has been DD's only source of support within the school.

If I were to contact the school and ask why she hasn't been in, would I be likely to get an answer?

OP posts:
RealBecca · 14/11/2019 18:57

Surely your concern should be "what other support can the school offer your child in her absence?" rather that asking why she is off.

PurpleDaisies · 14/11/2019 19:00

Maybe she found a new position at a better, more popular school.

Ah! Yes I hadn’t thought of that possibility but now I see it.

PortiaCastis · 14/11/2019 19:00

She's probably had enough of pushy parents. Whatever reason she has for being off is nothing to do with you

MarziPam · 14/11/2019 19:03

You need to talk to her head of year and arrange more support for her, it shouldn't just be one teacher who is helping.

No, of course they won't divulge info regarding sickness.

langdale2016 · 14/11/2019 19:04

I am so sorry that your daughter has been experiencing these issues. My daughter has been going through the same thing. She's in Year 11 and it still continues. Her school and teachers are supportive so I am not sure why pastoral care at your daughter's school are not taking your daughter's situation seriously, especially as she is in a very stressful year. I would approach the head of the year/school for support during the form teacher's absence.

Thestrangestthing · 14/11/2019 19:06

Well they won't tell you and even if you did know it would make no difference to your dd because the teacher still won't be there. What you need to do is insist the school deals with the situation your dd is in.

Poppinjay · 14/11/2019 19:06

Well that's you told, OP!

You need to put your focus on how the school is going to support your DD in this teacher's absence. It's the support she needs, not the person.

I would also question whether this teacher has dealt with the bullying correctly. Helping your DD hide from the bullies isn't necessarily going to help her in the long term. The bullying itself needs to be addressed so that she doesn't fall to pieces as soon as one supportive teacher is unavailable to her.

Pinkflipflop85 · 14/11/2019 19:08

Yabvu.

I can't even believe that you think this should be any of your business Hmm

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 14/11/2019 19:10

there seems to be some deliberate secrecy.

Of course it's "deliberate", the school are making a conscious decision to respect this staff members right to confidentiality. It's not "secrecy" though, that would imply that they're doing something wrong by witholding the information, which they're absolutely not.

cheeseislife8 · 14/11/2019 19:11

Of course they won't tell you. "Deliberate secrecy" is them protecting a employees confidentiality. It's the law

Petrichor11 · 14/11/2019 19:12

YABVVU to think you have a right to know. Is your mind really jumping to sacked before illness? Seriously?! Far more likely to be illness, bereavement etc than sacked! But it’s none of your business why she’s off.

YWNBU to want the school to support your DD and arrange an alternative while the teacher is off, it also means if the one teacher is busy at lunchtime then DD isn’t left upset and has somewhere else she can go.

Toojudgypants · 14/11/2019 19:15

I can’t believe you think you have a right to know! Why do you need to?

PurpleDaisies · 14/11/2019 19:16

She must be a very popular teacher to have so many parents asking.

NoSquirrels · 14/11/2019 19:17

If I were to contact the school and ask why she hasn't been in, would I be likely to get an answer?

No.

And why would it help anyway?

What your DD needs is not this one person, but support at school. Push harder for pastoral to support her - by all means tell them that her form teacher has been doing this and is now not at school and your DD needs an alternative, but don’t ask for personal details.

It’s completely none of your business, I’m afraid.

saraclara · 14/11/2019 19:21

You're making the teacher's absence all about you. Which is bizarre.

As others have said, would you want your employer to give a random your personal information?

Proseccoinamug · 14/11/2019 19:22

No way will they tell you, nor should they.

TheReluctantCountess · 14/11/2019 19:23

No. You have no right to know.

SirGawain · 14/11/2019 19:24

YABU. It what way would knowing why she is away help your daughter?

noblegiraffe · 14/11/2019 19:24

Pastoral care seems to think that by Year 10 DD should be coping herself and they are still caught up helping the new Year 7's adjust.

Don’t believe this.

NerrSnerr · 14/11/2019 19:26

It's been less than a fortnight. She's probably just poorly and quite rightly they're not sharing her personal information.

Katinski · 14/11/2019 19:30

So, would it be OK for the poster's child to send a card to the teacher c/o the school for them to forward, do you think?

PlaymobilPirate · 14/11/2019 19:31

Why do you think it's your business?

Straycatstrut · 14/11/2019 19:31

Not sure this is serious or not but she could be grieving, had a miscarriage, had any kind of terrible news. I know it's hard on your DD but her teacher may be suffering something terrible right now.

One of my old friends was a primary school teacher and she had a breakdown due to stress of the job and had to leave, disappeared of social media (where she was very active) for over a year.

PurpleDaisies · 14/11/2019 19:32

So, would it be OK for the poster's child to send a card to the teacher c/o the school for them to forward, do you think?

They don’t know why she’s off. It could be a bereavement. What would go on the card?

Runbitchrun · 14/11/2019 19:34

No, they won’t tell you. And please don’t put this teacher’s colleagues in the awkward position of having to answer your inappropriate questions. I hate being put on the spot by nosey parents asking why their child’s teacher is off.