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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For wanting to rehome my dog..

68 replies

Giraffle · 14/11/2019 15:22

I am seriously struggling at the moment. My son is four months old and I’m at home on maternity leave looking after him, my pug and my cat.
My pug is 2 and a half years old and she is an absolute nightmare. She barks constantly, running up to the window and back to the back door. She licks him constantly when I’m trying to change or feed him and will run over him like he isn’t there. I love her to pieces, she cuddles and loves us endlessly but I’m really struggling to cope.

We have tried trainers, behaviourists And vets ect and done a lot of work on it. We walk her all the time, give her as much of our attention as is humanly possible. It makes me cry anytime I get to the point of thinking of finding her a new home. I hate the idea of it. But I wonder if we’re good enough for her. I wonder whether someone without children and who could give her all the time in the world would be better for her.

Am I being unreasonable? Just admitting I’m really struggling, she’s an angel when my partners home so he really doesn’t get it Sad

OP posts:
Dontdisturbmenow · 14/11/2019 15:28

We all struggle at time, with our kids, our partners, our parents, our jobs. Struggling doesn't equate to getting rid of.

Continue to look for means to improve things. You committed to her the moment you took her home.

RatherBeRiding · 14/11/2019 15:28

How did the dog cope before you had the baby?

Just wondering how she can lick your child constantly when you're changing him, unless you do it on the floor. She sounds very unsettled by the new baby. If she's having plenty of exercise but is constantly barking, you could try a humane anti-bark collar (the one that emits a high pitched beep when they bark - the idea is that the beep distracts them so much they stop barking, and then learn not to bark.)

You could introduce a dog crate, or just keep her in another room while feeding and changing the baby. She does need to learn that she can't have all your attention all the time!

MrsFoxPlus4Again · 14/11/2019 15:30

Have you actually worked with a trainer? I feel like everyone says that but they’ve rarely invested in a good trainer and up kept it. Just my opinion.

LochJessMonster · 14/11/2019 15:32

she is an absolute nightmare. She barks constantly, running up to the window and back to the back door. She licks him constantly when I’m trying to change or feed him and will run over him like he isn’t there

Well the licking can be easily solved by changing him on a table where she can't get to him.
Feed him whilst sitting on a chair or don't let her up on the sofa.

Can you install baby gates around the house so she can see you but can't get to you when you are feeding, or he is playing.

Get a play pen and sit in it with baby on the floor and dog on the outside, so you aren't excluding the dog and can stroke/talk to her still but she can't physically reach the baby.

Barking is a separate problem, what is she barking at?

Original poster
Giraffle · 14/11/2019 15:34

Sorry I should have clarified she was diagnosed with anxiety as a pup which is why she reacts the way she does. It can’t be helped. If i shut her in the kitchen she barks, same with crates. I do change my son on a changing mat on the floor during the day.

I don’t think I would ever rehome her, my thought is am I being unreasonable to think it sometimes? That life would be easier. I feel bad that my thoughts go that way sometimes Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
Giraffle · 14/11/2019 15:36

I paid for a behaviourist and have been working with them for the past year.

And we don’t have the space for a changing table and she doesn’t listen when I say no to being on the sofa. She has to be next to me all the time. I’m like her safety blanket

OP posts:
Original poster
Giraffle · 14/11/2019 15:38

The behaviourist is also a vet and went to university. It’s not a new thing since babies been born, it just seems to have got harder to cope with.

OP posts:
LochJessMonster · 14/11/2019 15:38

my thought is am I being unreasonable to think it sometimes? Dear god no. I don't have a baby and my dog is pretty good and i love him to pieces but I quite often think about how much easier my life would be without him!

I say dogs are 'inconvenient' - most things would be easier if there wasn't a dog in the way or to consider.

Baby gates tend to work better than closed doors, to shut dogs away as they can still see/hear you.

Invest in things like 'lickimats' ' snufflemats' and kongs, stuff them full of wet/dog food, peanut butter, yoghurt, banana etc and freeze, then give them to her to occupy her when you are busy.

LochJessMonster · 14/11/2019 15:39

It’s not a new thing since babies been born, it just seems to have got harder to cope with. Yep babies will do that! Grin

ClapHandsAndSaveTheFairies · 14/11/2019 15:42

My rescue dog has to be glued to me, more so if it's just me at home, or if my youngest daughter is with me. He tries to insert himself between us, and does it to my partner and I if we try to snuggle.

He's old and set in his ways, we've not had him a year yet, but I consistently show him who is boss by disallowing behaviours in which he is trying to put himself higher in the family hierarchy.

They're clever and they will often be jealous of something else which takes up time they are as theirs, with you.

It's not that you're necessarily wrong for each other and should quit, but that the timing with her age and baby being less than ideal.

Original poster
Giraffle · 14/11/2019 15:44

Thank you for getting it, I just feel awful for thinking it. And I know that babies will make it harder of course I mean it’s just so much to deal with all at once, her barking and trying to feed baby. I’ve told my partner how hard I’m finding it and he kind of just laughs it off like it’s nothing. I couldn’t be without my pup but sometimes I also feel like I can’t be around her. We’ve tried gates she reacts the same way as she isn’t next to me. The behaviourist has said that’s because she sees me as safety which is why she can’t be away from me, they think the parents just had had some issues with anxiety too. Very hard to help. She has come on leaps and bounds since she was a pup, it’s just at the moment I’m really struggling to cope with it all

OP posts:
Justlovedogs · 14/11/2019 15:47

I'm with LochJessMonster. I love my dogs, wouldn't be without them - most of the time! Sometimes, though, I have the 'wouldn't life be easier without them' thoughts. It doesn't mean you love them any less, or would actually get rid of them, so no, YANBU.
Being brutally honest, I have the same thoughts about DH occasionally, too... Grin

siantwinmum · 14/11/2019 15:47

I've got 8 month old twins and two dogs. I feel your pain!

Jollitwiglet · 14/11/2019 15:48

What have you tried to manage her anxiety?

Have you tried any plug ins? Any meds?

I think it's a bit unfair on her if she has always behaved like this, but now the baby has come along it's harder so now you want to get rid of her

Wolfiefan · 14/11/2019 15:49

She’s probably finding it hard too. Her world has been turned upside down and she’s struggling to cope.
If it’s separation anxiety then that’s very hard to break.
You need to prevent the behaviour you don’t want. Change the baby up higher or put up a room divider.
She doesn’t listen? Then make her listen!! Use a lead? Teach a “settle” command.
TBH you say about seeing behaviourists etc but any proper and lasting change has to come from you. You need to do the training and the reinforcement etc.
Adaptil?
Thundershirt?

Original poster
Giraffle · 14/11/2019 15:49

@Justlovedogs @LochJessMonster @siantwinmum thank you for understanding. I could never part with her. I just have days like today where it’s so hard to deal with. Especially with hormones and emotions all over the place!

OP posts:
Original poster
Giraffle · 14/11/2019 15:52

@Wolfiefan I have tried all of the above (bar changing higher as we don’t have the space to do that). The training has come from us. The behaviourist is the person who has helped us put plans in place to improve. It’s not so much seperation anxiety it’s an all round fear of everything. She gets nervous of the way things move on the tv (like scrolling through the TV guide) she’s scared of people walking past and scared of noises that we can’t hear. Like you said it’s incredibly difficult to train that out of a dog.

OP posts:
Original poster
Giraffle · 14/11/2019 15:55

@Jollitwiglet I don’t want to “get rid of her” and never would as I’ve corrected myself above. My question was about having those feelings Of rehoming not actually doing it. And she is on Zylkene and we’ve tried adaptil plug ins.

OP posts:
LochJessMonster · 14/11/2019 15:57

We’ve tried gates she reacts the same way as she isn’t next to me.

Can you start slowly by her behind the gate and you sitting the other side, against the gate (ie when feeding the baby or baby is asleep) So you are literally right next to her still.
Then put her bed in with her and allow her to settle. She may sit right up against you, but after a while when she is assured you aren't going anywhere, she may go to her bed.

Then you can start sitting a little bit further from the gate over time.

Original poster
Giraffle · 14/11/2019 15:58

@LochJessMonster

I’ll give that a go over the next few weeks and hopefully it’ll help it, thank you!

OP posts:
AmazingAardvark · 14/11/2019 16:02

Definitely not being unreasonable to think it - dogs can be very hard work anyway and fearful dogs especially!
If your current strategies aren’t working and you are after some ideas to resolve specific problems, it might be worth posting on the doghouse board.
I expect you’ve already thought of this but if he’s barking at things outside, could you use obscuring film to block his view? This worked brilliantly with mine.

AloeVeraLynn · 14/11/2019 16:08

Yanbu to think it. I have had times when I've thought "this fucking dog! Whyyyy did we do this?!" Especially if I've been an idiot and left something on the floor for her to chew.
I also think it about my kids Grin I wouldn't get rid of any of them but they often do my head in and that's okay.
A 4 month old and a needy dog is difficult!

RatherBeRiding · 14/11/2019 16:08

www.petsathome.com/shop/en/pets/serene-um-cat-and-dog-calming-tablets-30-pack

Try these - I was recommended them for fireworks, but looking at the product information it might be worth trying them for generalised anxiety too. If the dog was generally a bit more chilled out, she'd be happier, you'd be happier - win-win!

RockinHippy · 14/11/2019 16:13

I don't have dogs, but can relate a little with an anxious cat & a newborn, that could be hard work, so I don't doubt you are struggling with a manic anxious dog & baby to juggle.

Years down the line & a bit more clued up with another anxious cat & we've found chamomile tea to be a godsend. Our stressy Tom even git through fireworks night without the slightest sign of stress & I have friends who use it with their dogs with success too. It's also fantastic fir sore skin or eyes.

It's explained here. If you haven't already tried it, maybe give it a go...

vcahospitals.com/know-your-pet/chamomile

WiddlinDiddlin · 14/11/2019 16:41

Has your vet put her on fluoxetine/trazodone?

If not I would be asking about that, I deal with anxiety related issues in dogs and for many the above is the current gold standard treatment alongside behavioural modification plans.

If you were my client I'd be a bit concerned at the lack of progress in the time frame you are talking about.