For wanting to rehome my dog..

[Giraffle]

I am seriously struggling at the moment. My son is four months old and I’m at home on maternity leave looking after him, my pug and my cat.
My pug is 2 and a half years old and she is an absolute nightmare. She barks constantly, running up to the window and back to the back door. She licks him constantly when I’m trying to change or feed him and will run over him like he isn’t there. I love her to pieces, she cuddles and loves us endlessly but I’m really struggling to cope.

We have tried trainers, behaviourists And vets ect and done a lot of work on it. We walk her all the time, give her as much of our attention as is humanly possible. It makes me cry anytime I get to the point of thinking of finding her a new home. I hate the idea of it. But I wonder if we’re good enough for her. I wonder whether someone without children and who could give her all the time in the world would be better for her.

Am I being unreasonable? Just admitting I’m really struggling, she’s an angel when my partners home so he really doesn’t get it

A friend with a very anxious dog has one of these tight vests for him that help. no idea about the name, but its basically a weighted, wearable blanket for dogs. not sure if these are ok with pugs though

Thank you all for your suggestions and understanding I’ll give some of the above a go!

@WiddlinDiddlin

I will ask about it, I’m glad you see the same as me, we’ve put hours and hours of work in with her before baby and as much as we can after baby in regards to training, walking and desensitising to the movements of the tele and outdoor noises. We’ve seen massive improvements when it comes to her being on the lead outside and she can now go on a long lead and happily introduce herself to other people and dogs which she really struggled with before. For us it’s the indoor barking and the need for being right next to me that we struggle with (as much as I love our cuddles.) the behaviourist suggested only allowing her on the sofa when we have a blanket on, but this time of year that doesn’t work as I always have a blanket 🙈 we use the “thank you” method with barking. So we were told to say thank you when she starts barking then ignore her until she stops. Once she stops praise her and give treat. I just feel it’s not working. She told us to go back to the basics that we were doing before our son arrived but I’ve tried explaining that it’s not possible to put the amount of hours we used to do with her because we just don’t have the time with a little one. She has improved with other people coming in the house and doesn’t go as full on and our family have thankfully been brilliant with only giving her the attention when she calms down. I think me going back to work will improve things as it’ll help her get back into her usual routine but until then I’m just having a few moments where I really have to just leave the house because it’s out of control. I have a generalised anxiety disorder myself and I think that’s why she reacts more to things when I’m around where as when my partner is here she’s more relaxed. My behaviourist told me I just need to relax more which obviously isn’t possible as it’s a disorder not just I’m stressed lol

I agree with the above posters. My dog can be quite woofy, esp with men and I have no idea why as no bad experiences, so I have been trying to train her to stop. She now understands the command "no woof", granted she doesn't always follow it though! I just reward her with a treat when there's a woofy situation and she follows the command. Another thing to try is Pet Corrector which is sold in Pets at Home: it is an aerosol which emits a noise dogs hate but sounds ok to us. I only used it a few times till she cottoned on and now she will stop just upon sight of the can.
I'm suggesting the above as they are cheap and worth a try and if you do decide to rehome her, you'll probably want to think that you've tried everything. Good luck

@myself2020 and @Giraffle the vest is a Thunder vest and I'm sure they come in various sizes.
Lots of exercise can help with anxiety too, good for the baby to go on walks also.

@pollodeprimavera the pet corrector is so bad for dogs with anxiety. My dad brought it over and it sent her off barking for an hour because it scares them so actually with anxious dogs makes the situation worse. We have tried the thunder shirt which she didn’t get on with either. I wouldn’t ever rehome her, she really is an amazing girl I just have says like today where I really struggle with some aspects of her anxiety.

You can’t just get rid of a dog because you’re struggling, the dog doesn’t know what it’s doing wrong, be persistent with training. You wouldn’t get rid of your child if it was hard work.

@Giraffle

Rehoming is far better than the ultimate alternative of the one-way trip to the vet. Please be so careful between dog and babe.

@Giraffle ah fair enough. Just old fashioned training then?

the behaviourist suggested only allowing her on the sofa when we have a blanket on
Thats sensible, but has anyone ever told you that a dog must have its own bed? Bed training will help prevent them turning into clingy Velcro dogs as well.
Give her a specific mat or bed in each room and train her to sit on it, not on your feet and not running around yapping. Settle her down with a chew and praise her. Every time she gets up and moves, put her back. Practice after shes had a good walk and tired out, and when your aren't busy.
If you can't walk her so much she is tired, use a dog walker at least 3 times a week.

@Lolwhat you clearly haven’t read the rest of the post, I wouldn’t rehome her. I’m talking about feelings and thoughts not actually doing it.

@Ferretyone she’s not agressive at all in any form just very very needy bless her. We’ll get there it’s just tough sometimes.

@PolloDePrimavera yes that’s what we’ve been doing since she was born and brought in a behaviourist last year ☺️

@Inebriati we have done that training with her and she does do that when she’s not anxious when she’s anxious she just wants to be next to me and no matter how many time we do it she will always follow me out of her bed.

I have just read your post where you say you wouldn't ever rehome her, but I am going to say what I was going to just in case another pug owner reads it.

If you do need to rehome a pug please, please, please surrender it to the Pug Dog Welfare and Rescue Association. They vet new homes fully and they give the new owner ongoing support, so you can be sure that the pug will be properly looked after.

Thats great, did the behaviourist ever get to the root of her anxiety?

@ChocOrCheese definitely they do such amazing work!

@inebriati she said that because she’s been the same since a pup she thinks it’s genetic. The parents were quite barky aswell so it’s likely genetic

There are people her who will accuse me of 'drugging a dog' but get some Valerian from Hyperdrug to calm her down. Not forever but long enough for her to learn that calm is better. It won't make her sleep, just ease her anxiety. It saved my cat's life after partner died and he was grieving and refusing to come in the house or eat.

OP I'm living the same life. We've started our dog with adaptil colar and purina calming pro biotic as recommended by both our vet and training. Unfortunately I often feel like I'm failing our dog, who is still young at only 1 years old. I'm often tired and feel like re homing would be best but we love him so much. Those thoughts come up often . Be patience with yourself.

She's trying to pup him, it's an instinct. My Dsis had the same issue when DN was born. The smell of milk is kicking her off, especially if she's never been in pup herself and the barking is her trying to "protect" your baby, because she sees him as her puppy. It'll pass at around 12 weeks. Sorry I don't have better news.

@DrVonPatak the baby is 16 weeks, and Our pups anxiety has always been an issue not just since DS was born.

I think most people think at some point that life would be easier without their dog, mainly because sometimes that is the truth, so I wouldn't feel bad about feeling like that at all.

Tbh, if you have tried everything (and it sounds like you are reaching that point) and your dog still isn't happy, then I would seriously consider rehoming if you can find a good home. Personally, I think rather than trying to deal with a situation that is making you and your dog unhappy for years and years because you "can´t" rehome, sometimes the best decision is for the dog to move elsewhere. I have owned a number of dogs in my life that were rehomed to me. Thank goodness their owners didn't stick with it and never give up, as the dogs have had a much happier life with me than they were having before they came to me, and these weren't bad, neglectful owners, just people who for various reasons weren't a good fit for the dogs.

I am a bit astonished that a veterinary behaviourist (is she, or is she just a vet, with an interest in behaviour??? there are only about ten vet beh. in the whole of the uk though maybe you aren't in the uk...)... has not prescribed anti anxiety drugs, either clomicalm or fluoxetine...

Also the method you describe for barking, in the wrong situation thats going to INCREASE frustration and frustration often = barking..., it really depends why the barking, whats the dogs motivation to bark/goal...

I prefer wherever possible to redirect the dog into doing something else, than wait for them to guess at the right behaviour then reward it, because of this risk of building frustration.

if you want some extra help, feel free to PM me!

Get some canine calming tablets from Dorwest Herbs and ask their in house vet for advice.

www.dorwest.com/category/anxiety-behaviour/

I feel your pain, I have a similar but older dog and a similar age baby. Life would be so much easier without him. It's not his fault and he's adapted well but now it is just not possible to be as consistent as we were before as I often can't physically get to him to redirect/distract/remove him. And so things like barking have got quite a bit worse. I wouldn't rehome, especially as he's an old gent, but by God life would be so much easier without him. I feel your pain! I do wonder if he would be happier in another home but I think he still has a good life with us (even if he gets on my last nerve).

@WiddlinDiddlin she is on zylkene, the behaviourist is one from Cornwall, a vet who has done an extra course in behaviour? Not sure which the difference is. A lot of her techniques have really helped it’s just the barking that it hasn’t. With the redirecting is that getting her to focus on a toy or activity? We’ve tried doing that but it’s usually things we can’t control like outdoor noises or the TV guide or someone walking past. We’ve got kongs, activity centres, have tried placing food for her to find, toys galore, a multitude of different methods. I do wonder whether the behaviourist we are under doesn’t like meds possibly?

Just to add another thing that’s helped our dog (who also barks at noises/strangers) - we got a postbox and taped up the letterbox.
Together with the obscuring film to stop her seeing (and barking at) passers-by, this made a real difference by reducing her stress (so she was less likely to react to other stuff - trigger stacking).

OP, no real advice, just some sympathy. I rarely go a day without wanting to re-home my spaniel, I never would, of course. He's mine (well ours, now, but really, he's mine, because I'm at home with him all day iyswim) - but the barking at the doorbell, or the post, or anyone walking past the house, the guarding me (you don't need to guard me, silly spaniel - I'm fine!) - really gets me after a while.

Fours months old baby - that's a pretty tough time. It was peak-exhaustion for me! Pugs are needy, my dsis has a pug, and she says it's like another baby. Give it some time. Hope you're ok.