How can this still happen in 2019?!

[HowDeepIsYourGlove]

I interviewed for a new job on Tuesday.
They head hunted me, I more than qualified for the position, they had my CV before I got there and were really keen until the older male interviewer noticed my engagement ring.
He then asked if I had a family, I explained I had 2 children and very good childcare and good family support etc.
I thought it was incredibly inappropriate for him to ask anyway, but then throughout the interview he kept reverting to questions about my children. The younger male interviewer was asking about my hobbies, experience, education as to be expected and the older male would then chip in and ask inane questions such as “We have a long working day, how will you cope with childcare?” for example.
I was taken aback and replied as professionally as I could but it was extremely evident it was a problem for him.

To make matters worse, when he was listing things such as my notice period for my current job he actually wrote “CHILDREN” in capital letters and underlined it.

I have since been told I am not suitable for the position and will not be offered the job.

I know this is discrimination but how do I prove it? I wouldn’t want to work there anyway but I’m really angry and upset about it. My industry requires being a member of a professional body and I am tempted to contact them to make a complaint about him. They can request the interview notes, but surely he’ll just write new ones or edit the real ones?

I can’t believe this still happens in 2019. I’ve never experienced it before and I’m fucking furious and saddened in equal measures.

Should I report the misogynistic twat?

@Frannyhy

Bring back the days when an employer was able to hire the best person for the job without all this bullshit

What on earth do you mean?

Christ on a bike! That's awful.

I would report him but it's guaranteed that they'll deny it. Can you record an interview He wouldn't be able to deny it then.

Is this a big company? Can you name and shame?

@Crunched it was for a CEO role so the pre-interview form had nothing to do with making reasonable adjustments/organising shifts.

It was illegal whatever way you look at it.

This happened to me in the past. What they did was illegal and I'd have no desire to work for such an organization, so felt I had lost nothing by forcefully making my point. (I had no children at the time and no intention of having any).

At first I stonewalled it: 'that isn't relevant to my ability to do this job'. And when he persisted: 'If this is your attitude to potential female employees then you've just convinced me I'm no longer interested in the post. Thank you for your time; pointless wasting any more of it though, isn't it?'

And off I toddled. I made my point calmly and (I thought at the time) politely but inside I was seething and when I got outside I was shaking. But I had my pride and knew fine well my life would have been very difficult if I'd ended up working there. Always remember the interview is a two-way process - you might not want their lousy job!

I had an interview last year, who spend a lot of the time talking about my partner, he looked us up on Facebook and turns out they've met before (didn't go well apparently).

He then started talking about my age and whether I wanted kids etc. Very very few questions were about me and the job. I had to take a test, passed with with flying colours but got an email saying that I was the best out of two candidates that were best for the job however they've decided to give it to the other guy, to say hi to my fiance and good luck.

Dodged a bullet there I think, would have turned it down anyway if they'd offered it to me. The interview was awful.

@Frannyhy just tagging also as I want to know what you meant by your comment

It’s unreasonable to assume that having kids means women will have days off to care for them. My ExH pulls his weight, my DCs have 2 sets of retired grandparents who are always willing to help also.
I have never taken a sick day off with my DCs and haven’t taken any personal sick days for the entirety of 2019

Next time this happens, ^ is your response.

I agree it’s disgraceful.

I’ve been there.

• are you attached?
• do you plan to get married?
• do you have children?
• do you smoke?
• how’s your overall health?
• if you got pregnant, what would you do?

How about asking about my CV and experience you pair of utter knobs!?

This was for an office job in a fairly large company and a male dominated industry in the year 2018. Sorry to say that, although I told the agency what happened and to withdraw my application as i would never work for such a shitty company, I didn’t do anything about it. Maybe I should have.

Bring back the days when an employer was able to hire the best person for the job without all this bullshit

When was that then?

@PrinnyPree

“Not sure how someone with a wheel chair or religious head scarf masks that. Not everyone has the luxury of hiding who they are and it should not be the case nor encouraged.”

No, not everyone can. But if there is an unreasonable barrier in place where hiding to get through the gate would result in being in a position to help change things further down the road, that’s the smart play. Both for the individual and for people in general.

While everybody dreams of the movie moment where their brave principled stand shows the bigot up, that’s not where real change comes from.

If it is a large company, perhaps the EHRC might be interested.

Double check, but his interview notes may well be requestable under Data Protection / FoI regulations.

It's outrageous and his professional body needs to know. Does your professional body have an officer charged with increasing female participation/employment? Talk to her first.

Bring back the days when an employer was able to hire the best person for the job without all this bullshit

You mean bullshit like equality and refusing to discriminate on the basis of sex or parenthood?

This is exactly why when I was job hunting a couple of years ago I swapped my engagement ring to my other hand before interviews.

Under GDPR, I believe you're fully entitled to see a copy of the interview notes. I'd be inclined to ask the recruiter to obtain "feedback" on your behalf and their justification for not giving you the job, just to see if it further backs up what you already think. He should never have asked you those questions and it's infuriating that he did!

That is shocking. I was furious when it happened to me in an interview in my 20's in the late 1980's - but to hear that it still happens 30 years later.

It's shit. I've been asked by a female interviewer fairly recently if I was planning on having children. After that I stopped wearing my wedding ring to interviews. I was also asked by my employer straight after my wedding and was made redundant shortly after, they made up another reason of course.

I remember many years ago being offered a job. But before I signed the contract I realised that I was pregnant, and told them.

They withdrew the job offer.

"But if there is an unreasonable barrier in place where hiding to get through the gate would result in being in a position to help change things further down the road, that’s the smart play. "

That assumes that you're going to be able to go in and change the bigots' attitudes by being completely beyond reproach. In my experience, it doesn't work that way. I've worked with people who have spent decades in prejudiced workplaces, working twice as hard as everyone else to prove that they're just as valuable as the other team members, despite being female/ black/ gay/ from the "wrong" class background. They've done everything to be the perfect employee, beyond criticism. But everyone gets sick sooner or later, and then there's the company's proof that, look! We knew women/ foreigners/ gays/ people who didn't go to Oxbridge were flakey all along. Even if other employees have got away with taking far more sick leave. At best, you finally convince people of your worth, at the expense of your health and personal life, but it doesn't change their attitudes. You're just "not like other women/ blacks/ gays, you know what I mean, no offence".

Flipping it on its head, I once worked in a team which was managed by two women who were convinced, based on personal anecdotes, that all male workers were lazy piss-takers. Plenty of male juniors came into that team and worked their arses off. Didn't stop the managers dismissing them as "lazy boys who do the bare minimum and go home early to watch the football". Seriously, you can't dismantle prejudice by being the member of your class that even bigots can't find fault in.