How can this still happen in 2019?!

[HowDeepIsYourGlove]

I interviewed for a new job on Tuesday.
They head hunted me, I more than qualified for the position, they had my CV before I got there and were really keen until the older male interviewer noticed my engagement ring.
He then asked if I had a family, I explained I had 2 children and very good childcare and good family support etc.
I thought it was incredibly inappropriate for him to ask anyway, but then throughout the interview he kept reverting to questions about my children. The younger male interviewer was asking about my hobbies, experience, education as to be expected and the older male would then chip in and ask inane questions such as “We have a long working day, how will you cope with childcare?” for example.
I was taken aback and replied as professionally as I could but it was extremely evident it was a problem for him.

To make matters worse, when he was listing things such as my notice period for my current job he actually wrote “CHILDREN” in capital letters and underlined it.

I have since been told I am not suitable for the position and will not be offered the job.

I know this is discrimination but how do I prove it? I wouldn’t want to work there anyway but I’m really angry and upset about it. My industry requires being a member of a professional body and I am tempted to contact them to make a complaint about him. They can request the interview notes, but surely he’ll just write new ones or edit the real ones?

I can’t believe this still happens in 2019. I’ve never experienced it before and I’m fucking furious and saddened in equal measures.

Should I report the misogynistic twat?

You're allowed to ask for copies of all notes taken in that interview. Ask for copies and see if CHILDREN is still on the notes when they arrive. Bet you they aren't, or that your notes get "lost" before they can make copies for you.

@Brefugee and @Curtainly your stories are fucking outrageous! How dare they!

@SayOohLaLa yes I suspect this is what will happen. But at least if I challenge it, even if it gets nowhere, I may make him think twice about asking the next female interviewee the same inappropriate questions

Sounds like a near miss to me - can you imagine what he’d be like to work with or for?!?!

But you are right to be annoyed and it’s not correct

It's not up to you to prove this, if you take this further it is up to the company to prove that it wasn't discriminating. The Equality and Human Rights Commission website has a lot of useful information.

Amongst me and my friends, the dads usually take an equal role eg have requested equal working, have to rush home to do pick up, take days off when their child is sick etc.

I don't think its unreasonable to assume that having kids can and does impact on the workplace.

But its really shortsighted not to acknowledge that in a long career, the time that this happens is relatively short, and that a good employee will do their best to negate this impact (eg most people I know will take a day off when their kid is sick but work hard on the evening or weekend to ensure this impacts on their job as little as possible, and communicate with their partner to try and ensure if one of them has something really important on that the other one picks up the slack).

And of course its also massively sexist and stupid given I doubt he asks men this question and they are equally responsible for children. Of course women still do the bulk of childcare but there is a significant minority of men who do their share or more than their fair share and this also impacts their jobs.

Absolutely not acceptable!
The last three people I have employed all have children and could have more.
When will employers accept that if you provide a good work balance, women with children and those thinking of having children in the future don't leave a good employer!
Makes me furious

I had two job interviews while 6 months pregnant.
I was a very close 2nd choice for both job offers,we were both excellent candidates and hard to pick no. 1 option

Coincidence?
I don't think so.

I also walked out of a job interview when I was in my 20s as they asked me if I was planning to get married and have kids. It was going fantastic up to that point.
I politely told them: thank you for your time. I am afraid there is an incompatibility with the company culture.
They were stunned. Speechless. They did not understand why I did that.

Bring back the days when an employer was able to hire the best person for the job without all this bullshit

Of course, the best person just happened to be a man. Coincidence. Interesting though that when for example orchestras started holding blind auditions, the likelihood that a woman would be selected, increased several-fold. or if the same CV was sent out with either male or female name, the male was more likely to get offers, and was also offered a higher salary. But only because the male ones were just the best..

I don't think its unreasonable to assume that having kids can and does impact on the workplace

It’s unreasonable to assume that having kids means women will have days off to care for them. My ExH pulls his weight, my DCs have 2 sets of retired grandparents who are always willing to help also.
I have never taken a sick day off with my DCs and haven’t taken any personal sick days for the entirety of 2019

Here in Ireland it is discrimination under the Employment equality act to ask questions based on gender, marital status, family status, sexual orientation, religion, age, disability, race and membership of the traveller community.So I would imagine it is the same in the UK, personally I would take this further. If its mentioned again at any other interviews you do I would inform them of the (equivalent) act in the UK.

In my European home country, you are supposed to include a picture with the CV.
It is not uncommon to have a girl in bikini in a resume for an engineering position, for example

I have informed the recruiter of the situation. He’s horrified and very apologetic.
He will also remember what side his bread is buttered on, that is, who pays his fees.
I had a case where every applicant was asked to fill in a pre-interview form which had questions like age of children/childcare arrangements etc. I refused to fill it out and told the recruiter why. Needless to say, he was horrified but still worked the role and place a man in the role

It's very hard to do anything as there are no unions or professional bodies in my field.

@Hithere2 WTAF?! Really?

@howdeepisyourglove
Yes! Of course, questions about children, marriage, etc are legal.

I don't live there, I live in the US where discrimination exists but it is so covert it is hard to prove.

Our Equal Opportunities legislation is basically guaranteed by our membership of the EC. Fuck knows what will happen after Brexit. Thrown to the wolves is my guess.

Sadly, this doesn’t surprise me. A friend worked in recruitment and would regularly (but quietly) be told by recruiting companies that they wouldn’t consider a woman of childbearing age, and that she could send them for interview if she wished but they’d find a way not to hire them.

I’d love to say this was in the 70s but it was fairly recent.

That is disgusting!
Make sure you report them OP.

I was ok getting jobs until my late 30s, I found it a struggle for a couple of years. I do think one factor was that employers were wondering whether I'd have more children, but in fact I completed my family at the age of 33.

100% report him please for the sake of every women at that workplace and those who will lose jobs because of these sort of assumptions.

My sister-in-law is head of employment law at her law firm and has had several clients who have taken companies like this to the cleaners for this sort of discrimination too. Unacceptable!

did you go through an agency OP? If so then tell the agency. I had an awful interview where the owner of the company was a total tosser. He was asking me all sorts of personal questions (like who do I vote for and do I believe in god) and took the piss out of me repeatedly for some question I got wrong in an arithmetic test amongst other things. The agency rang me while I was in floods of tears and proceeded to rip the guy a new one for being such a dick. Apparently his excuse was he wanted to get a rise out of me to prove I would be good at the job?!? The agent was totally mortified that it had happened.

35 years ago I put my engagement ring on a chain around my neck under my top when I went for an interview, I'm shocked and horrified this sort of discrimination is still going on.

@brightyellowdaffodil,
Same happens with gaps of employment in the resume when a woman decides to stay home for some time

They claim "obsolence"

At the same time, they won't hire you at a job you are overqualified for because they are worried you will leave as soon as you find a job in your experience level.

So, the longer the gap, the harder it is.

Please report him, this is absolutely unacceptable and is discrimination.

I was head-hunted a couple of years ago for a job I was extremely well qualified for. All was going well, they talked the talk about flexible working etc, yet when the HH enquired further and I said I had kids and was glad they were open to flexible working, he dropped me completely, wouldn't even reply to an email or call. I'll be meeting the head of the HH's client as part of my job, where they're beholden to us, so I'll be sure to bring that up.

"Please take it further. I bet his co-interviewer was mortified."

Not enough to step in though!