Every few years we have a university reunion where a few of us get together, whoever can make it at the time as we live all across Europe. We are all blokes, in our late 30s now.
This time around, while discussing a destination to meet up (eg, London, or another city in Europe where one of us lives or would be fun for two or three days visit ) a certain friend in, let’s say, Italy, leads off with “hey, why don’t you all come over to my place, I can put you all up and we’ve got a great beach, weather etc”. Problem is last time he hosted the meet up, which was about eight years, here’s what happened: Me and friend B, both travelling to Italy, contact him a few days before start date to say, “hows it going! so what’s the arrangement when me and friend (both travelled from England) get to airport in Italy?” Friend: “oh shit, I’d totally forgotten you guys were coming! I’ve got a lot of shit on work wise right now, but I’ll definitely make some time for you guys”. Proceeded to have half decent holiday with other friend, while friend in Italy drifted in and out of activities, took us around a couple of sites, had a a few beers and laughs, but was fairly distracted half the time with his work (of course me and other friend had put all our own work on hold, as this was meant to be a holiday). I think friend in Italy considers himself a pretty good host, and to be fair if it was a “i want to check out Italy, could you put me up for a couple of days?” I’d say he was decent enough. But that, obviously I would have thought, was not the idea. It’s not about being “hosted” by him, but rather having a great time together totally free from other commitments for a couple of days. What happened last time pissed me off somewhat. And on top of that, it pissed me off that he asked us to chip in €20 for petrol while we were there, seemingly oblivious to the fact that me and friend B and had forked out €100 for flights for what was meant to be Our (capital O) holiday.
This time around I’d be happy for them to come to my city, or to travel to his city again, or somewhere else, but I would expect everyone to drop all their work commitments for a couple of days. Of course I wouldn’t object to anyone seeing or Skyping family briefly during the day/at night, but certainly no work commitments . That, for me, is a holiday/meetup. The last time around was about eight years ago, but I have a feeling he’s still somewhat self-absorbed and I can foresee a repeat. At the same time I don’t know how to say nicely “nah, rather not stay with you” and don’t want to blow off the whole thing...What dya reckon?