Children coming home from their Dad’s and making snacks all evening

[Sharpandshineyteeth]

The 4DC aged 10-16yrs go to exh regularly, it’s a 70/30 split.

Mostly they stay overnight but on a Tuesday they come home after dinner at his. They always ALWAYS then go through the cupboards and make snacks. The 10yr old is making pasta as we speak. It’s driving me a bit mad.

AIBU to say something to him or at least tell the kids to fill up at Dad’s as I don’t budget to feed them on a Tues. Orrrrrr keep quiet and accept that’s part of having hungry, growing children.

Seriously, I’m a single parent and I cannot imagine questioning why my kids are hungry when they return from their dads as it’s ‘not my day’...

I bet you’re the type of person they pays for a friends coffee and then says 3 years later ‘you owe me £2.60’

Glittery Me neither. It seems odd in the extreme. Kids get hungry....I'm often astounded by how much mine eat at 11 and 15...it's a lot...but what are you going to do? Starve them?

No, @Aridane I’m suggesting that maybe dad doesn’t give them full portions so that’s a snack and coming home to mum means they’re starving. Looking at the portions from our local chippy, as a greedy git myself, I’m stuffed afterwards. 😀

Well buy more food then!! Jesus!

Pasta isn’t a snack, it’s a meal. There’s no way they can be hungry after fish and chips. The portions are huge usually. It’s greed. This is why there is an obesity crisis if some posters think a bowl of pasta after a chippy fish and chips is a snack. They might not be fat now but eating like that, they will get fat.

@foyct - you don’t have teenage boys I take it? None of the me in my family are over weight. Yet as teenagers they could clear out a fridge.

Teenage boys can easily have a bowl of pasta a few hours after a meal and they will not get fat!

Sick of people suggesting fruit. Fruit is NOT filling. It's a tasty snack but doesn't fill the pit in the stomach.

Sounds like the ex is feeding kids a portion of chips to save on having to cook and wash up, and so OP ends having to clean up after the kids understandably cooking pasta to fill up.

The kids don't cook pasta after OP cooks for them so dad is not feeding them properly.

I think the “my kid eats three dinners and then roasts a horse in a pit in the back yard” posters are within their rights to let their children eat as much as they want, but the OP is also within her rights not to make second dinners, to limit food if she thinks it is becoming unhealthy or greedy, and to promote healthy snacks instead.

I would let them have toast, fruit or veg after dinner. I wouldn’t be “just making a pasta bake” in case they got peckish.

Sick of people suggesting fruit. Fruit is NOT filling. It's a tasty snack but doesn't fill the pit in the stomach.

There shouldn’t be a pit in the stomach immediately after dinner.

If you need to be petty then do it the other way.If Exh is feeding them convience food coz he cant be bothered make sure they look back and remember that you were and that they weren't refused food.A 50p loaf with bread and cheese or jam isn't expensive as a snack but it's there if the children want it.As annoying as it is at least they wont be raiding the food cupboard and eating food that's been earmarked for meals.

A loaf of bread isn’t a snack.

If they always do this and it's about meal planning, then surely plan for it?

Sounds like they’re making their own food anyway, pasta and sauce. Job done.

@churchandstate If I have fast food I am hungry within a few hours. I'm clearly not the only one.

motherheroic

Fair enough, but I think a ten year old should be able to get enough satiety from a chippy dinner to cope with a piece of toast and a glass of milk before bed. They shouldn’t need another meal. That habit is how kids get fat.

I don't understand, are they eating at the ex's house and then coming back to yours and then going back to the ex's to spend the night?

This all sounds normal, no matter how much I'd feed my children for dinner they'd still eat again that night. They're at an age where they're hungry all the time.

My kids come back from their dads hungry everytime. It's because they eat their tea earlier due to him having to drive them home.
They have things like super noodles, pot noodles, paninis and pasta to fill up on. Apart from the odd ovcaaaion where they'll have cereal.

@wariorqueenie

No. He had every other weekend. But i had to feed them on a fri and sun as he wouldnt.

Re money, i had tax and working credits and single person discount off council tax. My entire salary plus some of the above went straight out in mortgage payments. I was told that i was not eligable for anything else, until i had sold the house and spent all the equity on living expenses. But i was welcome to try again when i was destitute.

A weekend of no food costs (i barely ate when they were gone) no cooking lighting or heating expenses made it so that i could provide my kids with the above a little easier when they were home.

On the upside, life's a lot easier these days😆

I haven’t actually worked out what the problem is .

Op has said it’s not a money issue .

I thought it was 4 kids making snacks makes far more mess than one so why I suggested a big bowl of pasta.

Op doesn’t want to make snacks as they can do it themselves

So other than they are hungry which happens a lot with teens no idea what the issue actually is

The issue is the dad is not feeding his kids properly. And OP having to clean up a messy kitchen from kids cooking on a night that he is supposed to have fed them.

Well, one issue left is that the DC use the kitchen and leave it in a mess.

The rule should be that if you raise the fridge/cook for yourself, you leave the kitchen tidy.

My mother's rules for anyone other than her using the kitchen was that we first tidied it to her standard, then cooked possible ate then cleaned it again to her standard.

Has stood me in good stead. Only wish DH had learned the same.