Children coming home from their Dad’s and making snacks all evening

[Sharpandshineyteeth]

The 4DC aged 10-16yrs go to exh regularly, it’s a 70/30 split.

Mostly they stay overnight but on a Tuesday they come home after dinner at his. They always ALWAYS then go through the cupboards and make snacks. The 10yr old is making pasta as we speak. It’s driving me a bit mad.

AIBU to say something to him or at least tell the kids to fill up at Dad’s as I don’t budget to feed them on a Tues. Orrrrrr keep quiet and accept that’s part of having hungry, growing children.

My mum used to say fruit and veg only for snacks. Prevents lots of cupboard raiding out of boredom / habit if you're worried that is what they are doing.

If they're really hungry though tell them they need to tell dad they want a snack before they leave rather than just waiting to raid the kitchen when they get home likely just because they feel more comfortable waiting until they get home rather than asking dad for snacks.

AIBU to say something to him or at least tell the kids to fill up at Dad’s as I don’t budget to feed them on a Tues.

This is not right...if you're struggling so badly that you can't cope because your kids want a bowl of pasta, then something needs to change.

Are you terribly short of money OP?

That’s why I asked on here instead of saying anything because I had a creeping feeling it was petty 😊

Also I don’t really want to be saying, oh you can only eat cheap food when you come back from dad’s. I either let them make food as they have been or tell them they’ve had their dinner so not to.

Mevermind I doubt OP's GOT fruit and veg...I mean...not exactly cheap is it? If she's upset about pasta...which is super cheap.

OP could you get some of those instant noodles? The sort that come with a sachet and cost about a pound for a bag of 6?

It’s not even massively about budget, more about meal planning and then having to top up from the local shop at higher cost - I don’t drive.

X post with OPs last post.

So it's not a money thing? Then you are being very weird...you did mention budget though....is it a struggle to get enough shopping in?

Ah right...I see....I don't drive either so I get that.

Noodles OP....noodles. Get a couple of extra packs in. And maybe some frozen fruit. Mine make smoothies out of frozen fruit and milk with our blender.

And the mess and getting them to tidy up after themselves etc etc. I can see now I’m being petty, don’t worry Mumsnet 😂

Christ some responses are a bit hysterical. Make them a shepherds pie to tuck into? Jesus wept. The OP's father has them for 5 nights out of 14, why should the OP spend 2 of these evenings making yet another home cooked meal because he isn't filling them up? I would be irritated too OP, but when my 12 year old wants more food after dinner (usually after being at her dads too) she is allowed toast, cereal or apples/bananas if there are no leftovers.

I wouldn't allow her to make smoothies! She makes enough carnage with toast.

Used to piss me off when the kids came home hungry tbh, it’s nothing to do with being petty.

On the other hand we sometimes pickup step kids at 1pm and have a 2.5 hour journey to ours and they have had no lunch, and hadn’t budgeted to eat out and don’t want to all the time with them either.

She said to me once “oh I thought you would have car snacks” oh sorry, as well as doing a five hour round trip I’ll knock up a meal in the back of the car too shall I?

@user1374384 🙌🏻

No way am I making another meal. They are more than capable themselves. Although 4 lots of snacks means 4 lots of bloody mess.

Although I again feel mean for limiting what they want, they will say why can we have toast and not make pasta or whatever.

Just ask yourself if you are ever hungry straight after dinner (or an hour or so after)

For some/ many people in this country, an extra meal for 2 kids could be too much for the budget, especially if you've not planned ahead. Austerity has affected the poorest the most. I know this is a side issue and I'm not saying OP is in that situation, but please don't judge her budgeting or question her not feeling able to provide this meal...

My younger children want to eat as soon as they get home from their Dads. For them I think they have just developed some sort of getting home/transition thing. I've deleted the rest of my response as would just be repeating others.

It's great that your ten year old makes his own pasta.

If they ask why they can't have pasta just tell them! Say "It's for dinner tomorrow" or whatever.

Nothing wrong with teaching them what a meal plan is OP.

I think it's worth mentioning to him that they are coming home starving, and can he just make sure they have a big tea when they are at his, because it makes no sense for you to have to cook another meal. You can't do any more than that.

It shouldn't be about money or resentment about who is providing more / paying for what. Kids pick up on that kind of competitiveness and it's unhealthy.

If your words go unheeded, then be prepared - next time you do a shop, get in extras I anticipation of this happening. As someone said above - noodles. You could even chuck some frozen veg in with them. Or bananas. Or mine like tins of mackerel fish in tomato juice (about 50p from Aldi, easy to open a tin, and healthy).

if theyd come home from chippy with you and then been starving would you feel the same.im thinking not o much.so yes i think you being petty.
they are coming in and kind of bedding in again with you.i dont see how this can be a problem.

If they want toast what's wrong with that? Stick an extra loaf in the freezer when you next shop.

yep yourenotthebossofmenow - it does sound like some sort of back home nesting thing. Maybe get in pasta and pesto and enjoy that they're unconsciously saying it's nice SO niceto be back home

I don’t budget dinner for my four when they aren’t here and if dad is meant to be feeding them then they shouldn’t be starving perhaps a hearty supper when they get home op? Ages of yours I’m sure they eat you out of house and home anyway but it’s frustrating when they eat stuff you’ve saved for another day. Mine are bad for eating their little brothers lunch stuff

Personally I'd be making it a nice thing. If you can afford an extra pound a week there could be bread for toast, jam and instant hot chocolate for them to make when they get back. Or a big pack biscuits to truck into with cups of tea. Whatever would tempt them and feels homely.

Pasta isn’t a snack my son is only six and eats snacks after school and then we all eat dinner together at 6/6:30 - so your DC are eating dinner early and having snacks after - fine, but pasta? They need to fill up properly at dads or snack first eat later.

Buy packets of noodles from the Asian section of the supermarket - 5 for £1 today. I've taught mine to add frozen peas to increase the nutritional content.

What about a loaf of sandwiches to say welcome back? Cheese, tuna, etc. Or potatoes ready to sling in the microwave with the same kind of filling? Then there might only be crumbs to clear up after. And find out what time he’s feeding them, and whether their portions are large enough.