Less likely to include tea total friend?

[BombayPotatoes4]

Would you be less likely to include a tea total friend on nights out etc? Just wondering if they are seen as boring or if it is less of a stigma these days.

I'm teetotal.It doesn't affect me getting invited out but I might declined wild nights out as watching other people get drunk whilst I spend £50 on sort drinks isn't fun but nights in the local or at someone's house I'm up for and usually a good laugh 😉

To be honest, it's drinkers who become boring: they always think they're hilarious when they just aren't.

I’d always invite a teetotal friend - same with friends who are pregnant. As I get older I hate drinking more and more, so I’d appreciate an ally with me anyway!

Why wouldn't you? mine often drives!

I did dry January one year and felt so much better I decided to quit alcohol.
I lost my best friend as a result.
She invited me out less and less. When I asked her about it, after a number of ‘I’ve been busy’ excuses she finally confessed she didn’t like sitting there drinking wine while I was sober.
She felt self conscious of coming across as drunk and that I was judging the amount she was drinking.
Neither was true, but it was also coupled with the fact she could no longer split the bill with me.
With hindsight, she wasn’t such a good friend in the first place, but in answer to your question, yes, some people will avoid inviting you out.

I'm not tee total but I drink very rarely (less often than once per month). I doubt my friends even realise, I just order non alcoholic drinks when we are out. I'm rarely the only one not drinking because someone else is usually driving.

Maybe it's boring to be tee total if you bang on about it or expect people to provide you with special non alcoholic drinks, but generally it makes no difference.

Only if they kept going on about it or were preachy or judgy about the fact they don't drink.

I enjoy a few drinks, as do most of the people I socialise regularly with. However, I do have a couple of teetotal friends (just don't like the taste). They don't make a big deal out of it so it wouldn't occur to me not to include them. They may go home earlier if things get a bit lairy or we're going on to a late night bar but it doesn't affect our enjoyment and hopefully doesn't affect theirs either.

I've been teetotal for nearly 18 years. It's never affected people inviting me out. In the beginning, some people would go on about wanting to see me drunk (no, you really, really don't), but these days, it isn't an issue. It never stopped me doing things either - to be honest, I always felt that I was more "hardcore" than the drinkers, as I would end up doing (mostly) the same things, but I would be doing it sober. Nobody has ever thought me "boring".

Depends on the reason for being teetotal. If someone is not drinking because they're the kind of person who is on a new diet every week, gluten free one week, vegan the next, no alcohol this week then yeah, that's boring and those people will spend the whole night telling you how they don't drink.

If it's a genuine reason then fine but if it's an alcohol abuse situation then I probably wouldn't invite them on a night out that centred around drinking.

Of course they ought to be invited. I dont drink alcohol but I still like to meet up and catch up. However since I've stopped, I haven't been invited to any meet ups with certain friends (that usually involved cocktails and a meal every 4 months).

My drinker friends love inviting me on nights out, as I always offer to drive. Although I would hope that’s not the only reason they invite me!

MY teetotal friends yes of course. Some of the "if you want to drink more then a glass of sherry on Christmas evening in a year you have a drinking problem" types that come up on alcohol threads on Mumsnet, hells bells no!

It depends. Among most of my friendship groups there are people who drink and people who don't, and we all rub along well enough.
If someone is in the early stages of recovery from alcohol abuse, then they will not want to be around other people who are drinking alcohol, so you might have to see such a person in different settings.

But if the non-drinker is incapable of shutting the fuck up about how people 'don't need alcohol to have a good time' and keeps trying to police what other people are drinking, then that person won't be invited again because that person is a twat, not because that person is a teetotaller.

To answer your question, no I would never consider whether someone is going to drink alcohol or not when inviting them on a night out or going out in a group organised by other people.

Surely, from time to time, even regular drinkers are not going to be drinking? (pregnancy, driving, early start, health kick etc). I don't give it a moment's consideration.

It depends on the reason for not drinking. I barely ever drink alcohol because of unrelated health problems so I am unlikely to want to go on a night out centered around getting drunk but wouldn't mind going to the pub for an evening to socialise while others drink more than me. I would drink wine in a restaurant etc. My DB is a recovering alcoholic and has fallen off the wagon a couple of times so I don't drink around him at all in an effort to support him.

I hardly drink at all (maybe one cocktail a month) and I still get asked out all the time. I also invite people out to bars etc or round mine for beer and a movie. Doesn't seem to bother them that I'm usually sober. If someone is criticising you, tell them not to be daft or find better friends!

I used to think friends didn't exclude non-drinkers, but I now think some people do have a problem with people who don't drink or rarely drink.

I'm part of a friendship group of eight. Over the last 18 months, three of us have discovered several occasions when we've not been asked to go to the pub with the other 5. Two of us don't drink much, one doesn't drink at all. Of the other 5, two drink excessively - I believe one is a functioning alcoholic and I've noticed one of the other three has started drinking more since she's hung around a lot with the two heavy drinkers.

I think it's that whole "having people around you who drink normalises your behaviour when you probably know you have a problem".

I think most people in my family actually are tea total, they get through about 20 cuppas a day...

In all seriousness OP I'm sorry you feel left out that sucks. Have you said to them (in passing even) that you hope they still invite / include you because you enjoy spending time with them so much and it's just as fun for you sober.

Might be a less accusatory convo, explaining it makes you sad and reiterating they don't need to think you wouldn't enjoy night the night just as much as if you were a drinker.

I don’t think I know any but I wouldn’t be falling over myself to go on a night out with them if I did, to be honest. Coffees or other stuff yes but not a night out.

Similarly though I rarely drink and if I’m not drinking myself I wouldn’t want to be around drunk people

There are people who get annoyed that others don't drink alcohol, and who will either exclude them or spend the night trying to persuade them to have an alcoholic drink.
And there are non-drinkers who really will go on and on and on about how awful alcohol is, and waa, intoxication culture and waa, you can't really be having fun and waa, have you thought about getting therapy. Plus their entire history of not drinking and/or previous alcohol abuse issues.

Generally, people who are neither bullies nor attention-seeking whinyarses are capable of having a pleasant group outing with those who do/don't drink alcohol: everyone just drinks (or eats) what they want, and no one pesters anyone else about it.

A night out doesn't have to involve alcohol. A person is just as entitled to go on a night if they have no alcohol or choose to drink alcohol. It is their choice - extend an invite, if they accept, then perfect, if they decline, perfect. As they would have made the choice.

I stopped drinking alcohol for about a year, and still went out and had fun, I just didn't want to drink. My friends asked, if I wanted to go then I went and if not, then I didn't.

I'm an infrequent drinker, i.e. I might have a couple of glasses of wine at parties and nights out when I don't have to drive. But I don't drink at work-related things because I am not a happy drunk and I tend to get maudlin, and I just don't feel it's professional to show that side of myself to people I have to work with. So I tell colleagues that I'm teetotal to avoid that coming up. I'm a relatively introverted person (not shy, just not overly bothered about being around people all the time) and you would be surprised at how often I've had others commenting that they want to see me drunk because they've never seen me "really letting go". They don't seem to be able to believe that this is all there is and I'm not going to start dancing on tables and being loud with a couple of gins in me.

It makes no difference to my real friendships, which is all that matters to me.

Well I wouldnt invite some of the miserys on here who bleat on at how boring people who drink are! However, I have friends who don't drink and if they are part of a group then they are invited! My teetotal friend is fab. Shes the last one standing at the end of a night and drives me home.

I find that people who don't drink are not that interested in a night in the pub and if they refuse often enough then you just stop inviting them. Just wondering - to those of you who say that you are no longer invited - if this was how it came about.