Sent DS to nursery with no breakfast.

[tobebebebe]

DS is almost 2 and is going through a bit of a difficult phase at the moment where everything is "NO" and he throws himself on the floor about 455 times a day.

He goes to nursery on a Tuesday, starts at 8 and is fed almost way more than he eats at home. This morning at 7.30am he was walking around the kitchen demanding "KISPS" (crisps) I had already served him a small bowl of toast and some warm ribena in a cup - both of which were lobbed back at me. He wasn't having crisps (melty puffs) at 7.30am NOPE.

He went on for a good 25 minutes, kept crying out and shouting KISSSSPSSSSS like his world was collapsing.

I drove him to nursery with him crying the whole way, then he practically ignored me when I left (usually he can be a bit clingy)

I've been feeling guilty ALL day. I sent him to nursery with an empty tummy and emotions running high. Should I have given in to him for an easy life?

Exactly Vivian - that's what I advised a few threads back. Two options at most. Either, or.

I'd have put a crisp in between the toast and made a toasted crisp sandwich Or put some crisps out so he could see them but say he had to eat the toast first. But my priority is always getting them to eat something before they go out in the morning.

Def don’t give in or next time he will know and yell louder and longer

Just tell nursery he may want a snack /fruit as didn’t have breakfast due to tantrums

@JinglingHellsBells, that's your experience.

I love it when people to "oh no, do not try that. They simply can't handle it. Too confusing, will just cause problems". Despite having just been told that it works very well for some kids. We all have different parenting styles, the point is finding what works for you and your kids. If someone is having regular fights with their child because that child doesn't respond to being given one option, then it's worth trying to give them the responsibility of making their own choice. Trying being the main word there. But others will come on and go "absolutely do not do that because my way is the right way".

My mum always used to say - think about why you're saying no. Is it for you or for them?

E.g. DC wants to jump in puddles on way home when not wearing wellies. You want to say no cos you CBA with washing trainers/trousers etc. when getting home. It's nice to say yes plus you avoid a tantrum.

DC wants to eat crisps for breakfast. Feel free to say no, even with tantrum, as it's not good for their health etc.

It's another way of saying choose your battles.

Does he get crisp at all?

@Lulualla it's not my experience I was posting about but well accepted child development advice in which I am qualified. It's borne out by a lot of research and pretty much all psych professionals would say the same thing. I was writing as a professional not simply a parent. You will see that another poster said the same thing based on advice from a trained nanny. (I am not a nanny BTW!) I'm fully aware of the Monte way of learning having researched and written on it. Not everyone agrees with it wholeheartedly.

oh and @Lulualla I did say give choice- but TWO options not 5 or 6.

My mum always used to say - think about why you're saying no. Is it for you or for them?

That's good advice, he's testing boundaries. Be strong and don't negotiate with terrorists

I think you did everything just right. “Kisps” is too adorable for words. And it’s completely fine to give him a bowl of toast to eat with a spoon if that’s how he likes it.

@JinglingHellsBells

And you don't need to agree with how anyone else makes changes to their parenting or creates their own routines. But it's just rude to basically go "do not do that".
You can put forward your own views, but I was taught not to simply chuck other people's experiences aside.
Offering kids porridge, toast or eggs for breakfast really is bloody simple. And in our house fruit skewers are always made up and ready in the fridge, and tubs of nuts on the counter so they can grab a handful of whatever they want on the side. Really isn't difficult and really don't handing them 5 or 6 things and telling them to choose.

Meh. He’s not in imminent danger of starvation. He’ll be fine.

DS quite often goes to nursery without breakfast. He likes milk in the morning but usually that’s it. He gets dropped off pretty early though - about 6:30.

I don’t eat breakfast either so it doesn’t bother me and tbh I hadn’t really thought about it til your post!

@Lulualla It's not rude to voice pretty much accepted wisdom on raising toddlers. If you read anything about giving a child choices, you will find that many many experts are saying what I did. I am a child / educational professional. You have read something about Monte at home. Fine. If that works for you. But the truth is you can't bear being contradicted and you are actually (oh the irony!) doing exactly what you accuse me of- saying your way is best. Except mine is not 'my way' it's what child psychologists suggest,

@JinglingHellsBells

That's absolutely not what I said. I didn't once say it was rude to voice what you did.

I said it's rude to basically go "do not do what they've suggested because I'm the only one who is right".

You can suggest what you think works. Other people can make their suggestions. Then individual parents can mix and match what works for them. I havnt said you're wrong. I havnt said I'm right. I suggested what worked for me, but you didn't just make a suggestion. You said "do not do that" because of course, you're knowledge is all that matters and nothing else should be tried.
It's totally up to OP to decide how she wants to parent, but the point of parenting sites is to share experiences and suggestions. It's not to shoot down anyone who says anything different.

I havnt made any comments on the advice you actually gave. I only commented on the way you gave it which boiled down to "don't do that. You must do this".

And since you are so determined to bring education into it, I was a psychologist. I worked in mental health. I'm not disagreeing with the "give 2 choices" thing. Not once have I said that. I did it a different way, I told OP about my experience. That's it.

And you deeply patronising "I'm a professional. You've just read something" when you have no knowledge of my education or history. That's rude.

Wow! That bun fight developed quickly.

For light relief, DD today would not eat her dinner. ‘Don’t like it.’ And ‘Eurgh, yucky’. Until my husband got up to get something and she sat in his place and ate his (totally the same in every way) dinner.

Logic is not strong with toddlers.

She also told DH that she would get him a small dog for Christmas. She thinks he would like one. When we enquired how she would pay for it she said ‘a bet’!

When pressed she could not really explain what she thought a bet might be!

@Lulualla It's not being patronising or rude (FFS) to mention professional training when it's relevant to the topic of the thread. Some people would welcome professional advice, while others choose to be offended but that says a lot about them.
Going back to the OP's question and your reply, you don't actually offer your child(ren) several choices on a 1:1 basis, you appear to prepare a breakfast 'buffet' where they help themselves. That's very different to talking to a 2 yr old and saying they have to choose from several options. I don't know what fruit sticks are as you describe them, (some kind of fruit kebab or ice lollies?) and doubt most parents have time to do these the night before. I don't think it's wrong to offer a buffet breakfast as long as each item is nutritious and gives them some protein and wholefood carbs. If a child only chose fruit they'd not have any protein.

@Lulualla there are many branches of psychology and I'm talking about child psych. If you are a qualified child or educational psych you should know that giving a 2 yr old too many choices is not advisable. Yes of course, say what worked for you, but that doesn't mean it's the ONLY way to answer a question. It's actually quite ok to give accepted 'advice' if it's also what professionals would say and you surely know that too many choices confuse 2 yr olds? If you can't cope with the way people comment on AIBU without being mortally offended and picking up a poster because you don't like their tone ( and my comments were very gentle compared to a lot of stuff here) you are on the wrong part of MN.