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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sent DS to nursery with no breakfast.

93 replies

tobebebebe · 12/11/2019 12:36

DS is almost 2 and is going through a bit of a difficult phase at the moment where everything is "NO" and he throws himself on the floor about 455 times a day.

He goes to nursery on a Tuesday, starts at 8 and is fed almost way more than he eats at home. This morning at 7.30am he was walking around the kitchen demanding "KISPS" (crisps) I had already served him a small bowl of toast and some warm ribena in a cup - both of which were lobbed back at me. He wasn't having crisps (melty puffs) at 7.30am NOPE.

He went on for a good 25 minutes, kept crying out and shouting KISSSSPSSSSS like his world was collapsing.

I drove him to nursery with him crying the whole way, then he practically ignored me when I left (usually he can be a bit clingy)

I've been feeling guilty ALL day. I sent him to nursery with an empty tummy and emotions running high. Should I have given in to him for an easy life?

OP posts:
KatherineJaneway · 12/11/2019 13:20

Should I have given in to him for an easy life?

Heck no, that way lies madness.

Starlight456 · 12/11/2019 13:23

I did a course about 2 year olds . In their mind there way is the only reasonable way . They do have to learn this is not the case

You have had one of those rubbish mornings , I have had many. Result . You spend all day worrying . Dc either has forgotten all about it or is very very sorry. Never once still cross.

There will be mornings like this but less if you don’t give in too the tantrum

maccaroni · 12/11/2019 13:23

Id try a better breakfast tbh. Milk instead of Ribena as it’s protein so would keep him full longer, is better for teeth and won’t give a sugar spike. Put something go like nut butter or egg on the toast rather than jam. I’m sure you’d see a change in behaviour if you did. He would be hungry for crisps then!

bobstersmum · 12/11/2019 13:23

This reminds me of dd, she's 2.5 and she regularly demands something bizarre for breakfast, such as curry, mash and gravy, pasta. As much as I admire her cheek I calmly tell her that she can have that later and that breakfast is toast, fruit, cereal etc!

Don't worry op these are the challenges that toddlers bring!

TheMustressMhor · 12/11/2019 13:24

If she had her way it would be fish fingers and beans every night.

My (now adult) DS would also have lived on fish fingers and beans, for every meal including breakfast.

Not that he got that, of course.

Op, don't feel guilty. You have to make toddlers learn that you won't give in, and he will have been well-fed while at nursery.

Graphista · 12/11/2019 13:26

Please don't keep feeling guilty, this is perfectly normal if very annoying behaviour by a toddler and he will be absolutely fine I doubt he even remembers.

As well as my own dd (now a big streak of nearly 19!) who certainly had her moments, and at the time I thought she had a poor appetite and was really worried. Turns out she has a disability which means she needs to be a grazer rather than a meal eater. Eventually I caught on to her needing smaller more frequent meals but didn't at the time know why I was just glad she was eating!

But also I've looked after many many babies and toddlers initially informally as a big sister/cousin/babysitter to parents friends and then as a paid babysitter then nanny and finally childminder. Most if not all toddlers will try and assert themselves over food at some point.

It's simply part of his developing independence. Nursery will be feeding him, he'll possibly eat a bit more there than usual but he honestly will be fine.

Giving in would have made today easier but long term it would have made your and his life harder.

It's incredibly upsetting at the time but in all likelihood in even 1 month you'll wonder why you stressed about this.

platform9andthreequarters · 12/11/2019 13:28

Sending solidarity.. My own nearly 2 year old has recently I now have to stay in the room and cuddle him/hold his hand as he goes to sleep (which takes almost an hour). I was giving into it for an easy life (3rd trimester of second pregnancy) and now he has started waking 3/4 times at night asking to get in my bed or for me to sleep in the chair next to his bed. I've just put him down for a nap by letting him scream for a bit, then singing over the baby monitor. I feel guilty as I like to think of myself as quite an attachment - style parent, but I can't go on with 3/4hours sleep a night.

There comes a point where you can't let them rule your life I think. They really are like little dictators.

I would maybe offer fruit, mostly because mine will always eat that, but if not, hey they will eat when they're hungry. Guarantee when you pick him up he will be happy to see you and will have completely forgotten.

PseudoQuim · 12/11/2019 13:29

My son (2) never wants anything to eat until he's been up a minimum of 60-90 minutes. This means that he has breakfast at nursery or his grandparents' house when I've got to go to work. I always offer breakfast and a drink but he has probably accepted twice in the past 7 months that he's been at nursery. Loads of the kids have breakfast at nursery, so he just joins in when we get there. He's a bad eater in general so there's no way I would risk trying to force him to eat and put him off. I also refuse to give him junk food for breakfast. This morning he wanted chocolate but I just told him that chocolate isn't for breakfast and amazingly he relented and had a bowl of cornflakes (today was one out of the two times he's accepted breakfast at home on a weekday before nursery!).

pastapestoparmesan · 12/11/2019 13:29

@bobstersmum curry, mash and gravy or pasta are all perfectly valid breakfasts, probably healthier than a lot of cereals!

SpongeBoobBigPants · 12/11/2019 13:30

@DogsandBoysmeanMud I LOVE that you had the guts to do that, full of admirationSmile I have wanted to so many times. And yes, lesson immediately learned.

Doggodogington · 12/11/2019 13:30

I’ve also never heard of a bowl of toast. Plate of toast yes but never a bowl of toast.

GetOffTheTableMabel · 12/11/2019 13:31

Should I have given into him for an easy life?

As others have said, No, because it doesn’t make your life easier and anyway he doesn’t actually WANT you to. Tbf, he does really want the kisps but as a 2 year old he has just really understood that he is a separate person who can have different wants from you. If he gets his own way repeatedly, he will get scared. He won’t know why he is scared but because he can’t feel the security that comes from rules and boundaries around him, he’ll have scared tantrums and then he might get his own way again and then you’re just stuck in a circle of 2 year old toddler hell.
No surrender.

frazzledasarock · 12/11/2019 13:34

Mine does this. She wanted clocklate (chocolate) for breakfast last week. I felt no guilt sending her to nursery clocklateless.

Upon return I read she had eaten a bowl of for breakfast.

Apparently she’s a model child at nursery. I’m not convinced they’ve not got me mixed up with the mother of an angelic child, as certainly the description of the child they think is mine is nothing like the little tornado who does share my genes.

Nursery are lovely and I know they keep feeding the children pretty much constantly.

Your little boy will be fine.

It’s probably affected you more than him, he’s probably forgotten already.

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 12/11/2019 13:34

I am now appreciating my 20-month-old twins' speech delay. They can't say any of the words for breakfast items yet, so our conversations go

Me: It's breakfast time! Here's your porridge.

Them:

I cannot wait till they can ask for crisps by name.......not!!!

But OP seriously, it is so tough when you have a morning like this. A fortnight ago DD1 (reception age) kicked off massively before breakfast club, cried all the way there, she was scared of breakfast club, it was haunted, she wouldn't eat any of their haunted food (etc).... I felt awful for about a week after as normally she's really happy at school.

I have to send her to breakfast club again this week (she only goes when I'm on an early start) and I already feel guilty!!!!

frazzledasarock · 12/11/2019 13:34

A bowl of cereal dammit she had a bowl of cereal at nursery grrr

Userzzzzz · 12/11/2019 13:45

Mine will frequently ask for inappropriate things for breakfast but at 3 she now does it with a smile as a bit of a joke as she knows I’m not going to say yes to ice cream for breakfast.

LifeSpectator · 12/11/2019 13:49

My dd went through this phase , she wasnt really a breakfast person, i'd make porrige, weetabix etc ,toast, peanut butter sandwiches all refused, water juice nothing would pass her lips, she saw me bringing lunches to work, so she had her own lunch box 'id use a scone cutter or similar to turn her toast, jam sandwich etc in to a round sandwich and pop it in her lunchbox with some fruit or cherry tomatoes ,or even dry cereal like cornflakes in a pot, put her in car seat for drive to nursery with her lunch , which she'd open straight away and eat on her way there ..changed the shape of sandwich often as that apparently was important,

Witchend · 12/11/2019 13:51

I think dd2 asked for chocolate for every meal for about 2 years. She never got it (unless for pudding after eating a decent main). If she refused, then she didn't get chocolate at all.

user1483387154 · 12/11/2019 13:54

Definitely done that myself. normally after he tries to open the freezer for icecream and screams inconsolably when I dont give him any. I just tell kg he hasn't had any breakfast and may be very hungry at snack time

WeCameToDanceWithTheDead · 12/11/2019 13:56

Haha! This is a frequent occurance here! In fact it happened this morning. Ds is nearly 4 and should know better though.
This morning he was offered, toast, honey nut cornflakes, coco pops, bran flakes, melon, an apple or scrambled egg. Each suggestion he came back with 'how about ice cream mummy'. He ended up with nothing.
There is no way the kid is having ice cream for breakfast. Doesn't stop him from trying though.

Kanga83 · 12/11/2019 13:58

I keep a stash of chopped frozen bananas and berries for when my youngest demands ice cream. Blitz it and he gets a bowl of fruit with nuts sprinkled on when he's in that kind of mood and won't eat anything else.

Original poster
tobebebebe · 12/11/2019 14:05

Thanks so much everyone, you've all made me feel SO much better.

I'm glad it was the right thing to do, really want to get on top of his tantrums and it seems the only way is to be strong and let him cry it out if he needs to, but never give in!

@maccaroni you are right, but Nursery day is always a big rush and he is teething at the mo and only toast seems to hit the spot. He has milk too, so that would have filled him up a bit.

OP posts:
Original poster
tobebebebe · 12/11/2019 14:06

OH and bowl of toast, because I cut it up into little bits for him and pop it in a bowl because he likes to 'scoop' it out with a spoon, the weirdo.

OP posts:
Maryann1975 · 12/11/2019 14:09

Im a childminder and I’m proud of you for not giving in and giving him crisps for breakfast. Give in once and he will probably end up having crisps for breakfast a lot more. Occasionally one of mine will come in and won’t have had anything to eat, it’s no drama, I just sit them at the table and they have something here (I don’t normally give breakfast).
Please don’t worry, did you tell nursery he had refused to eat? I’m sure they will have fed him and if he still refused to eat it, I’m sure he would have been hungry by snack time and devoured that. Ime, missing one meal (I don’t mean you not providing a meal-that’s not on, but them refusing to eat it, for what ever reason) won’t do any harm, it just means they are ready for an early lunch and will eat that super quick.

bobstersmum · 12/11/2019 14:09

@pastapestoparmesan that may be so, but with 3 little ones to get fed and out the door I haven't time to start cooking all that lol