Sent DS to nursery with no breakfast.

[tobebebebe]

DS is almost 2 and is going through a bit of a difficult phase at the moment where everything is "NO" and he throws himself on the floor about 455 times a day.

He goes to nursery on a Tuesday, starts at 8 and is fed almost way more than he eats at home. This morning at 7.30am he was walking around the kitchen demanding "KISPS" (crisps) I had already served him a small bowl of toast and some warm ribena in a cup - both of which were lobbed back at me. He wasn't having crisps (melty puffs) at 7.30am NOPE.

He went on for a good 25 minutes, kept crying out and shouting KISSSSPSSSSS like his world was collapsing.

I drove him to nursery with him crying the whole way, then he practically ignored me when I left (usually he can be a bit clingy)

I've been feeling guilty ALL day. I sent him to nursery with an empty tummy and emotions running high. Should I have given in to him for an easy life?

@platform9andthreequarters There comes a point where you can't let them rule your life I think. They really are like little dictators.

YES! this.

Haha I was trying to coax my 2 year old to eat his chicken but he just kept pointing at the counter where he knew there was cupcakes saying "pleeeeeease cake". In the end he would only eat the chicken if I held the chicken out so he could make a dinosaur noise and snatch it out my hands with his teeth (the things we do to keep them alive). I wouldn't worry about your ds skipping his brekkie, I personally think you are a great mum for setting boundaries for your wee man and nursery really are your allies in these stages!

My son, almost 2 and a half, wanted sausage, beans and peas for breakfast. He was not impressed (threw a wobbler on the floor) that he was offered ham and fruit which he usually wolfs down!

No. You did the right thing, otherwise he'll just cry until you give in for everything.

However, YABU to give him a bowl of toast.

If my DS doesn't eat breakfast I usually send him to nursery with a container of dry cheerios. His usual is cornflakes and dried fruit, weetabix or cheerios. If he doesn't fancy them I try him with rice cakes and peanut butter.

“Apparently she’s a model child at nursery. I’m not convinced they’ve not got me mixed up with the mother of an angelic child, as certainly the description of the child they think is mine is nothing like the little tornado who does share my genes.” As someone who’s been on the nursery side of things I’ve been very amused to witness (and reassured parents by telling them) that some children can be the most amazing actors!

I’ve seen toddlers/pre-schoolers who can put the most astonishing guilt trip on their parents immediately before parents leave at drop off or as soon as they spot them at pick up when SECONDS after/before they were perfectly happy, laughing and playing and not at all concerned about where mummy/daddy is. I’ve also witnessed them very happily and without fuss and even asking for foods their parents believe they hate! How they behave for someone they’re not so closely linked to and aren’t entirely sure how far they can push before there are consequences for them compared to how they behave for parents/main carers can be soooo different.

My parents couldn’t believe my school reports/parents eve descriptions by teachers because I was incredibly shy and quiet and lacked confidence at school. At home I wouldn’t shut up! And was quite bossy to my younger siblings. Mum still jokes she thinks I “saved” everything I wanted to say until I got home!

My brother - the quiet one at home was mr popular and centre of attention at school!

Johnnymcgrath haunted breakfast club and cereal 😂 love it, little kids imagination is amazing!

@tobebebebe My son is also nearly two and refusing food a lot. We saw his hospital dietician last week (he has food allergies) and she reassured me a lot by saying "There are two different roles with different responsibilities here: your responsibility is to provide a healthy meal, his responsibility is to eat it. You shouldn't feel bad if he isn't doing his job!"

OH and bowl of toast, because I cut it up into little bits for him and pop it in a bowl because he likes to 'scoop' it out with a spoon, the weirdo. Never mind the kisps, THIS is adorably bonkers.

I used to freeze bananas and generally keep frozen fruits. On the fussy days, i could tell the mood from the get go-so I adapted my morning routine. I had one that only wanted icecream, so the compromise solution, blended smoothie with cereal or oat topping. Although I did get a nasty look from a nursery mum once, when said child told others about 'icecream' breakfast!

Someone I know’s child wanted to skip school. No reason like bullying or anything but he was 5 and after being told no he was going to school he went into his play room got out his paints and painted himself green while his mum was busy doing the normal pre school stuff. When she saw him she remained completely calm and simply took him to school as he was and told the teacher that Tony was having a green day today . Tony never did it again and i thought how fab was she

My motto was "well it won't kill him".

He won't die from missing a breakfast, so it's a win.

But if you're finding you have regular battles over things you want him to do and things he wants to do, then try adding more opportunities for choice. Don't tell him what's for breakfast, let him choose but put limits in place. So, he could have toast, porridge or eggs with fruit or nuts but he can't have anything outside of those choices. If he still don't play ball then he gets nothing.

It's a slippery slope though, you did well to stick to your stance but I'd have mentioned it to nursery so he could have a snack or maybe an extra snack mid morning to make up for it.

I have given in here and there and you always end up paying for it in a different way (ie it's twice as hard/twice the meltdown next time, or it won't be crisps, it'll be sweets or something else you don't want them to have but their tantrum worked last time so they will go all out again). Sometimes you can accept the price to pay but it's best to stay firm. If you can teach him at nearly 2 that no means no then you really are helping your future self.

Please tell me you at least let the nursery know he'd refused breakfast?

How do you do a bowl of toast?

1 Take bowl out of cupboard.
2 Make toast
3 Place toast in bowl.

For ease of life the universe and everything I think it best that variety isn’t a thing at breakfast. That they get into a routine of milk, toast or cereal and / an egg and / or fruit and then that is stuck to.

In toddler mind variety that includes ‘toast or cereal’ might as well include ‘or kisps’.

BlouseAndSkirt, have you heard of Montessori at home? It's all about letting them make their own decisions, within boundaries which you set.
There is nothing wrong with variety when it has boundaries which you enforce. My kids have grown into very independent and responsible children who always stay within the limits set. And I've never had a "but I want crisps" if crisps aren't presented as a choice.

Don't give in just tell the Nursery as it is likely they have a breakfast snack at that time. I used to work in Nurseries and toast was often served at 8am.

I always send them in with no breakfast. He starts at 8:30am and the kids all eat together then. No point feeding him beforehand.

Well done for standing your ground all to easy to cave in when under pressure first thing.

Don't tell him what's for breakfast, let him choose but put limits in place. So, he could have toast, porridge or eggs with fruit or nuts but he can't have anything outside of those choices. If he still don't play ball then he gets nothing.

Mummy with two very old adult DCs here.

Please don't give him so many choices as suggested above. It's fine to say 'Toast or egg' but not a whole list- far too confusing.

You can of course ring the changes each day or each week - but no more than two choices at a time. Toddlers find it overwhelming and you may also find that half way through prepping something he says he wants, he changes his mind.

Two choices is enough on any occasion.

You did exactly the right thing.
My almost 11 month old has started with the tantrums, and I am sure it is much harder with a bigger, vocal child.
Well done for standing firm. As previous posters have said, if you'd given in he would bow he could always get his way by screaming loud and long.
Personally, I'd rather send my child out with an empty tummy than crisps.

@tobebebebeYou may think this is nit picking but seriously, he ought to eat food with the correct 'implements'. So, finger food with his fingers, and a spoon or fork for food which, as adults , we'd use those. Sadly there is a whole issue in schools with children who cannot use the right cutlery at mealtimes , so starting in the right way is important. At two, he's old enough to have a slice of bread cut into 2 or 4 portions and to pick it up with his hands.

On behalf of every future teacher of your child, thank you for parenting him and teaching him that demands and tantrums are not the way to get what he wants.

I don't doubt his future partner and colleagues will be grateful to you, too.

Totally agree with the unanimous thread verdict that you did the right thing. One further offer I learnt from our former nanny that we offered too much choice at mealtimes. She either did the ‘it’s breakfast time, here’s porridge’ option, or ‘what would you like with your sausages, broccoli or beans?” - ie very limited choice. I’ve mostly followed her example and, together with the approach you used this morning, it’s led to relatively stress free mealtimes, although I recognise I bred easy eaters.

The thing is, @tobebebebe if you give in to him, he wins. That may seem ok when he is 2 and it's about his breakfast but you have another 16 years to go when it will be all about money, friends, booze, all night parties, borrowing your car.......

thin end of the wedge.