Mum making my Hen party all about her

[Hafa9141]

I know some people on here see me as "one of those people" because I have posted about my mum before but I was hoping for some support about this issue.
I'm getting married in May and everything apart from my hen do is sorted (I'm laid back and was just going to do a meal with friends and family and a night out with my closest friends)

My mum has decided this isn't what she wants to do and has taken it upon herself (even though I specifically told her my best friend is sorting everything and I trust him to) to set up a WhatsApp group for a trip to London with people I wasn't going to invite including people I barely talk to who she is friends with. She has decided this needs sorting NOW not after Christmas as "people's diaries are getting full" which is a load of rubbish.
She has invited some of my friends and partners side of the family but not all of them, leaving them out intentionally.
I am so annoyed because she knows I want something low key, I personally don't like going to London because I'm from a quiet town near Liverpool and not everybody can afford a £300 weekend away 6 weeks before my wedding.
She has also planned a second hen do in Liverpool having afternoon tea so that my nan and elderly godmother can come? She knows I hate things like that and would rather have EVERYBODY at one big meal and a night out.
Am I being a psycho about this? I barely slept lastnight with the anxiety.

It went surprisingly well 😱 I sent a very well written calm message and even though I could tell she would be fuming. She's cancelled it and agreed to let my BFF plan the Liverpool based one. PHEW!!
Now I'm actually looking forward to it 🥳

Great update OP!

She's cancelled it and agreed to let my BFF plan the Liverpool based one.

Very magnanimous of her, Hafa!! ;)

What did you say to her op? I’m happy that you’re getting the hen party you actually want!

Tell your best mate what she’s organising isn’t your hen do and just not to reply and don’t go. Organise a different hen do when you want to and how you want it. Maybe don’t tell your mum until later in case she kicks up a fuss

my bad, the full thread didn’t come up for me. I’m glad it’s all gone well.

When has it been a thing for mothers to attend hen parties anyway? It does seem to be a thing now. I married in the 80's and parents were rarely part of the hen/stag party. My DD had her hen in Budapest and I never even considered I should be included, and I'm really close to my DD. The MIL to be on the other hand was very put out that she wasn't invited. The idea of clubbing until the early hours and sleeping half the day is not my idea of a fun time.

Well done on sorting this out, and hopefully keeping things from going crazy. I can understand the anger you felt but by keeping it in check hopefully it will cause less stress in the future.
That said I do think maybe it could be wise to have a quiet tea with older members of the family ( grandparents etc) who may not be able to make your hen do.

So I sent her a very calm message and she took it well

So I have nagged J to tell me what is being planned as I was extremely anxious about it and barely slept lastnight.
He has told me about you planning the London thing and who you are inviting etc.
I just want to say while it's nice that you want to do this, it's not something I want to do and nor does it have the guest list I would like it to. It also puts people who can't afford that out of the picture. So I'd like you to cancel it please.
I am happy to do something in Liverpool that everybody can come to (a meal out, nothing fancy like cocktails or afternoon tea, or a spa afternoon, just a restaurant) and then go to town with my friends.
I understand J isn’t doing everything NOW which means you're going to other people to try and help organise things, but as my best friend, he wants to do it and I want him to as well which I thought I'd made clear.
Please cancel the London event you had planned all together and J will put a group chat together with people I've asked to be invited. He will sort it from there and he will only consult me if he is unsure of things.
I would appreciate you letting him do this as he hasn't had a great deal of involvement in anything wedding related. We don't need to worry about numbers or costs of anything until after Christmas as long as people know the date.
Please don't ask if you can come to the house or ring me I want to do this calmly x

And her response was
Thank you for the message. Noted x

So she is sulking a bit but knew not to cause a kick off 🙏🏻

And she's definitely cancelled on the group? Your friend could see?

Oh dear. Anyone else think that 'noted' is open to interpretation? May even be deliberately ambiguous?

I hope she's just sending a short message because she's sulking, and it all turns out OK.

Well she’s been told. Let’s hope she doesn’t try and hijack the Liverpool plans now!

I would ask BF to add you to the WhatsApp group. Then post a very clear message about what is and isn't happening. I'm not sure I'd trust your DM to follow through on your wishes!!

Well, she would be daft to continue her plans now, as she will end up with a hen weekend and no bride to go along.

This was the second message back

This is the message I’ve sent, hope this is ok

Hi guys. Just to let you know that H has asked that we don’t do a get together in London. She is going to ask her best friend J to sort something out in Liverpool & he will be in touch with you at some point or another. Thanks

And my SIL messaged me separately and said about it 🙏🏻

Result!

I'd send a message to the WhatsApp group saying "enjoy your time in London!" Then leave the chat.