When does intimacy between friends (husband and a female friend) cross the line? Advice needed please

[Afternoonlemonandhoney]

Can people who are potentially attracted to each other form friendships and still be true to their marriage? I believe they can...But as the friendship evolves, I'm not too sure. Feeling comfortable around someone is a blessing. But if they are starting to feel very close emotionally, it may be a big warning sign?

My husband has a close female friend. They share a hobby twice a week for about 2 hours each time.
It looks like a good friendship only but I kind of want to draw the line at them meeting up. AIBU??

How would you feel, what would you DO? Thank you!!!

You use the word 'intimacy' - are they currently quite intimate?
What is the hobby?
Did they meet doing the hobby?

What makes you think they could be attracted to each other?

Yes, they met doing the hobby. About a year ago.

I think if they are attracted to each other and still choose to spend time together doing an enjoyable hobby then this could be dangerous for the marriage.
Personally I would choose not to continue the hobby with that person if I was attracted to someone and that attraction was growing. The marriage should come first.

Honestly, I'm more chill than most. My husbands two best friends are women, both absolutely stunning and successful. He regularly stays at their homes, and I'm certain he's faithful. They predate me, and I know he's just friends with them. My best friend is a man and we're very close, and my husband is fine with it. If the friendship predating makes a difference, I'm also very close friends with my manager (expats, so very close work/social circles), joke about being his work wife etc. He's stunning but we're just friends, he's held back my hair after a rough night out, he's stayed at ours after a shitty break up. I trust my husband and him me.

Having said that, I'm bi, so am I not allowed any friends? Gender isn't a factor in who I find attractive, so maybe that's why it's less of an issue for us?

I think it depends on how they are with their other friends. Does your husband have lots of friends that he keeps in touch with individually and that includes femalea that he is close to? I wouldn't really like it purely because my husband is rubbish at keeping in touch with friends and tends to socialise as a group so it would be out of character for him to become close to one person. If that makes sense

Would you feel the same way if the friend was a man?

I think we need more details on the intimacy and attraction.

DH has a friend he sees twice a week at hobby. I think she's really pretty. He doesn't message her outside of group! I want to put a stop to it.

DH hasa friend he sees twice a week at hobby. He's always going on about how pretty she is, he never compliments me. They meet up for dinner occasionally and they text each other lots.

Totally different scenarios and answers

What makes you think they’re attracted to each other? I have good male friends I’ve been close to for years. I’m also in an open relationship - so in theory, I could have sex with these men if I wanted to. I don’t, because we’re not attracted to each other. Yes, it’s entirely possible for people of the opposite sex to be friends with each other without there ever being any attraction or desire.

It’s one thing if he doesn’t have any other friends and so wanting to meet up with this one outside the hobby is particularly unusual, but in the absence of any indication of anything else, wanting to see a friend who simply has different genitalia to you doesn’t mean that an affair is on the cards.

Unpopular opinion but I think you know your husband well enough to pick up on something that’s inappropriate for the (agreed) boundaries of your marriage and you’re now trying to make sense of this new thing you’re feeling (unless he’s done it before).

I think what you’re feeling is normal and it wouldn’t sit right with me either but you need to address it with him calmly, honestly and in the spirit of togetherness.

Good luck.

Agree you need to give further detail. What makes you think think they are attracted to each other

I would say to be careful here TBH! Many relationships start out as friends but shared hobbies and interests are a main reason people get together.Can you maybe suggest something the two of you may enjoy?Stop theworldandmelt This seems like an unusual situation ,but if you trust DP the all good .May not work for many people though!

Thank you for replying to me. Means a lot.

Can you answer some questions OP so we can help?

Do you know they fancy each other or do you think they might?

Is their hobby dogging or cross-stitching?

Does he talk about her in ways that makes you feel uncomfortable?

We are all in our late forties. He is an attractive man.

#Do you know they fancy each other or do you think they might?
I'm not sure but I know they enjoy the time together because he made it very clear.

#Does he talk about her in ways that makes you feel uncomfortable?
No, he keeps being quiet about it.

They play golf on a one to one basis twice a week, a year by now.

Attraction is ok and happens sometimes. A good partner recognises it for what it is and puts the breakers on.

My rule of thumb is that concern should be around replacement.

Is he telling her things first that he'd normally tell you first?
If he needs a moan, or a hug, or a sympathetic ear, who does he go to first?
Do those 'firsts' become 'onlies' - i.e. is he replacing you as first comfort?

It sounds ridiculous, but my husband tells me what he has for lunch every day (I never ask, btw). If he was telling someone else instead of me, I'd feel edged out (even though I'm not interested).

Hi OP, you need to give specifics of what aspects of your H's behaviour are making you uncomfortable.

Enjoying time together is not the same as being attracted to each other though.

They enjoy playing golf together twice a week. That's it.
My cousin is an incredible golfer. She plays with middle aged men because how many teenage girls play golf?
Eventually she'll be a very pretty 20-something playing golf with middle aged men. That doesn't mean they're going to fall madly in love.

He tells you they enjoy playing together, you make it obvious you're not happy or interested so he doesn't bother giving you any more information.

Try saying "oh hey babe, how was golf? Oh that's good, improving then?
How's Sandra? We should go for lunch sometime, id love to meet her!"

Slightly off topic OP, but do you have a hobby? Or are you at home with child(ren) while
he goes on his jolly twice a week...

Sheesh. That’s like saying all lesbians are attractive to all women

Golf. Pah. I’m a lady who loves golf!!!! However. I’m the ONLY one I know. The ladies HAVE to play with men. I literally don’t know any other ladies. It’s not really till you go pro you tend to meet ladies anyway.

Both my H and I have very close friends of opposite gender. Sometimes my H suggests I go and spend time with my friends as he knows it cheers me up.

But if you feel uneasy maybe you should talk to your husband and discuss the boundaries for both of you.

Thank you Xmasspirit

So you don't actually know they fancy each other? You're just assuming this because uou think he's attractive, so think other women will too?