Such severe emetephobia ruining my life

[NigesFakeWalkingStick]

Ok, fully expect to get blasted here but please be as kind as you can?

I know some MN doesn't believe in the emetephobia thing (after all who likes sick) but I genuinely have paralysing phobia of sick. I lost a chunk of my 20s being so afraid I became agrophobic, I've had all therapy types offered to me, I'm currently on as much medication as I can be on. Basically, it's ruined my life.

I took my 3 year old to nursery this morning (only day he does, I'm a SAHM) and saw the dreaded 'D&V' sign outside. I nearly took him straight back home but gave myself a talking to and went in, asked about it, found out if it was in his class etc. Not actively in his class but 2 kids that were usually in on a Monday weren't in, presumably with the bug.

Downstairs three rooms had kids off with it, and staff members off with it too. So it's running rampage.

Against my better judgement I left him there happy. I went home and my slight panic turned into god almighty panic attacks and I couldn't centre myself using any of my usual methods. I am terrified of him getting the sick bug, paralysed. I have such a strong phobia about it I cannot put into words. I managed to get so worked up that after about 4.5 hours I went back up to the nursery and picked him up, although if he's caught it, I suspect he'll have caught it already - he was playing in the communal ballpit, etc.

I know this phobia is ruining my life. I am desperate for it not to ruin my sons the way it's consumed me for 25 years, and I'm going to the GP this week to see if there is anything else they can do to help because I can't cope.

Is it likely he's caught anything though? No active bug in the room he's in, although staff are covering the ones downstairs so there may have been some cross over.

I know IABU with this frankly fucking ridiculous phobia, but I need to talk to someone. I am a single parent and everyone thinks this is crazy.

What aspect of the sick frightens you?

Is it the thought of your child choking on sick?
Or a problem with the smell/clearing it up?

Phobias aren't ridiculous, but sometimes it helps to try to rationalise exactly the thought chain and consequences.

Thanks for replying. It's a fear of not being able to calm my beautiful boy down, I could cope with it being a one off kind of thing (he's been sick through coughing and I was fine) but anything with prolonged sickness (repeated instances) and the fear of it being spread frightens me beyond belief. I have this image of us both going down with it and I can't look after him and he's ill and I'm ill and I would feel like a failure.

There is also the element of being panic stricken and not being able to be a proper mum when it happens because of my own issues.

Have you tried CBT? Its NICE approved, evidence based free treatment on the NHS...theres no excuse! Its awful (I have it and am a CBT therapist) but therapy will free you if you work at it.

I’m sorry to hear you’re struggling to deal with this. It’s not ridiculous how it affects you and the very definition is it’s an irrational fear so any phobia could be described as ridiculous.
I can’t offer advice because I’ve only indirect experience of it.
Might be worth looking at the MIND website to see if they suggest additional help?

You will be able to look after him if you are both ill.
Even if you need to both spend the day in the bathroom sitting on towels watching youtube. Afterwards, you hotwash the towels, antibac the screen of your device and antibac any parts of the bathroom you are worried about. Would it help you to tackle it bit by bit? Like if either of you gets ill, close off parts of the house - like only use the one bedroom and only one room downstairs? In any case those kind of germs can't live indefinitely on a door handle or whatever. Would it help for you to find out how long the germ could live on a hard surface/soft surface and have a supply of disposable thin gloves and antibac wipes (they also kill viruses, at least the dettol ones do)

I had a terror of witnessing people vomiting that was overwhelming.

I still don't exactly like it, but what cured me was exposure - that is, seeing my child vomit and comforting him afterwards.

Also, the definition of a’proper’ mum is completely subjective.
We’ve all got baggage of some description. I’ve yet to come across a‘functional’ family in over 30 years of nannying/education based jobs!

I empathise completely. Emetophobia is awful and very real. It can take over your whole life and people who say it isn’t a thing just don’t understand it. I’ve kept my kids off school before if someone in their class is ill, it’s terrifying.
I will say that of course if someone at school has a bug that does not mean your son will get it. The chances are he will be fine. I have full sympathy with you picking him up because to be honest if I’d seen the signs I wouldn’t have taken him in. So you did a great job by taking him in :)
Distraction distraction distraction is how I deal with flare ups. Just try and busy your mind with something else to see if it helps :)

I’ve had therapy for this and it’s all about control, when we vomit we have no control over it. I don’t know about you op but I’ve had an eating disorder which still flares up during times of stress, anxiety and OCD, all are connected to loss of control and trying to take it back.
I have 2 DC’s and have been through a fair amount of D&V episodes. I’ve found if I get a kit together and keep it in a cupboard ready to use I have slight control over the situation and I can just about cope.
Bucket, disposable gloves, bleach, a mask, old bath towels, sick bowl, plenty of cleaning up cloths and a roll of pedal bin liners.
I know the panic that you are feeling right now and it’s indescribable, in the past I’ve felt like running away from a vomiting DC, being a single parent I obviously couldn’t do it. I didn’t used to eat for days afterwards and count down the hours until we were in the clear as such.
Nobody can say whether your DS has picked up the bug, unfortunately it’s a wait and see situation.
Read up about norovirus and other stomach bugs, I’ve found knowledge is power.

Gosh I can relate to this. My son was sick yesterday and i was convinced he had a bug (I still think it was tbh, just a weird one) and it was horrid dealing with my anxiety but the actual thing I was afraid of (dealing with the sick) was ok.
Like you it's the fear of us all getting it that is the worst thing.

I know it's ridiculous to say but try and focus on positive images and distraction to get you through rather than figuring out plans and facts. Obsessing over it and trying to control it will make you feel more out of control and help the anxiety to spiral.

www.amazon.co.uk/Cure-Your-Emetophobia-Thrive-Research-backed/dp/0956516645/ref=sr_1_1?crid=XXSHC1I10CHJ&keywords=cure+emetophobia+and+thrive&sprefix=cure+eme%2Caps%2C139&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1573488795&sr=8-1

I went through this programme and it changed my life. It took me a long time and I still have flare ups however I was the same as you before I didn't go out in winter months. I now feel like I can live a normal life.

I did a few sessions with a thrive therapist and the rest of the time I just worked through it myself.

Emetophobe here. It's a phobia that is ridiculed on here and I often have to explain that whilst nobody likes vomit, "normal people" don't forgo holidays / trips due to fear of travel sickness, "normal people" don''t keep their kids home when a sickness bug does the rounds, "normal people" don't bleach the whole house when they hear about a bug. "Normal people" don't forgo things they enjoy so they don't have to get public transport with people who are drunk (and more likely to vomit). My brain works differently when it comes to vomit.

All I can do OP is tell you that I have been on a ward partially closed because of norovirus for 3 nights and didn't catch it.

I have also been in isolation with DC who was admitted with dehydration following sickness bug and I didn't catch that either

I have managed several sickness bugs for 3 children and we've rarely caught if from each other.

(giving examples of when we have been very exposed and NOT caught it, so your DC is more likely not to catch anything!)

I find the anticipation the worst.

• Hearing there is a bug and waiting to see if we come down with it
• Any little thing that is "off" (child a little more tired or isn't as hungry as usual) sets my radar off
• The dreaded "I feel sick" - no matter who utters these words, my heart sinks. If I can leave I do when I hear those bloody words.

CBT didn't work for me so I am waiting for some exposure therapy.

@AliceAbsolum I've had 3 lots of CBT for this phobia, and none of them have cracked it. I was okay when it was just me I had to think about but now I have a young child who is exposed to it, I can't run from it like I used to.

@Phoebesfleas you're bang on - it's the fear of losing control I can't stand. I also had an eating disorder, and various other OCD tendencies all routed in control. I've had EMDR, CBT (x3), CAT, hypnotherapy. Everything I could possibly do. I have such a fear of losing control

If I read too much about it I end up feeling sick myself and then panic, so as you can imagine I'm spending most of my time sitting here in a state of panic and queasyness.

The rational part of my brain (weirdly I'm relatively rational in everyday life) is telling me it's not in his room, he wasn't around anyone who was ill, and only there 5 hours but then the big monster comes and invaded my brain and tells me I shouldn't be complacent because if I stop panicking it'll come and punish me.

I have OCD too.
Annoyingly routed in contamination at both ends of the scale so I'm scared of the germs and scared of the chemicals. Fun 🙄

@NigesFakeWalkingStick Then you will know that running from it is maintaining the problem. If you never face it, it will never get better. You know this.

I think my phobia began when I was little and overheard my mum vomiting.

At the time, she was suffering from severe mental illness so I was constantly anxious around her and about her and the anxiety focussed on the sickness...

It didn't help that, some years later, I had a panic attack whilst my brother was being sick and DM slapped me

As I said, I'm a lot better now but it is definitely that loss of control aspect that was at the root of it.

@AliceAbsolum I know, I try my hardest not to run from it - having my son in nursery is a huge test of my resolve so I'm not always running away from it if that makes sense. I had a huge breakdown last year which has made some coping methods difficult.

He might not get sick, my 9 year old has NEVER had a sickness bug In his life and never actually vomited (apart from one milky sick at 2 weeks) some children are not sick

Quick reply op as I’m rushing out the door, I know that the married couple who cure people of their phobias tackled Emet on This Morning and cured a woman, it might be on YouTube. It might be worth a look.

Following.

I just wanted to say thank you for the replies so far. And I'm sorry to those who also suffer  I actually spent most of my 20s convincing myself I'd never have children because of this phobia so it's a very severe one at times. I love my son to the ends of the universe and don't want to pass this onto him.

@User1924 I was thinking about this - I never had a sick bug as a child (I was sick through a high temp from chicken pox which started the phobia when I was 8) but apart from that my mum says I was never really sick. My exDP was the same. I can only hope my DS is like us. He's had a little bug type virus once, when he was 18 months, but none of us caught it - that's when my emetephobia really made a come back.

Apart from Pregnancy I’ve never been a sick person. I can’t remember ever having a big. My parents the same it’s maybe genetic.

A bug not a big

I have developed a similar phobia of not having easy access to a toilet, which triggers me to (falsely) think my bladder is full, which is limiting my ability to use public transport, sit through long meetings at work, go on long walks, fly etc etc. It was triggered by a terrifying panic attack 4 years ago after a stressful overseas secondment. I’ve had CBT and hypnosis and am no better. I think I’ve developed full blown OCD around this issue and it sounds like you might have too. I’m going to explore treatment for OCD, rather than panic disorder, next.

OP i completely sympathise as i also have this phobia. starting sertraline for depression has had the bonus effect of making me generally less anxious - you said you’re already on medication but it might be worth switching to see if there’s any improvement?

i had a post on here on thursday nite when i had a bug, my first in about a decade and i can still count on my fingers the total number of times “it” has happened in my life. i coped just fine with the plan i had in place and each time “it” happened was over in seconds. it sounds cliche but your body knows what to do and letting it happen is FAR easier than trying to fight it.

you must have a strong immune system and many emetophobes have programmed themselves to simply not let “it” happen - you might be one of those who is immune to the viruses through blood type. i honestly do know how it is to avoid things through fear, counting the minutes / months until perceived safety, but i promise you’d survive if it happened. hugs to you xx